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Life Beloved

Summary:
About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him - and I don't know if it even existed in my present circumstances - that might have thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. But... Daniel?


Notes:
Edward? With Tanya. Bella? Heart broken. ... Just friends, right?


3. Surprises

Rating 5/5   Word Count 5302   Review this Chapter

“Class, we have a new student. Well, he’s not new, really, but you know what I mean. He switched places with Austin and obviously you all know him, but anyways…”

Señorita Jimenez droned on and on, and I continued to doodle absently on the cover of my notebook. Jessica whispered the latest gossip in my ear from behind me. I leaned back and pretended to listen, “ah”-ing every once in a while.

The morning had been better and worse than it had ever been. I had overslept – sleeping until seven, missing my morning jog. Not that I minded. It was still a danger to linger in bed, so I had jumped out, groaning loudly when I walked over to the window. A fine layer of snow had layered the garden and the top of my truck, freezing yesterday’s rain into fantastic patterns on the trees, making the driveway a deadly ice slick. I had enough trouble staying upright when the ground was dry; it might have been safer to go back to bed.

It was better because I hadn’t tried to kill myself at all – I had slept soundly for the first time in months, a dreamless sleep. I hadn’t even felt masochistic as the kitchen knife glinted in the light, even though Charlie knew better to put it away in my presence. He apparently had forgotten, leaving early. I ate my pills without complaint, even though my feelings were dampened by the snow. It was better because the last of the bruises from Phoenix were starting to fade.

It was worse because the school had become an ice-park. Mush balls flew through the corridors so often that I had to carry a binder – a shield – in my hands the whole morning. Mike, who had taken the great traits of a golden retriever, followed me around the whole day, with chess club-Eric glaring the whole way. Unfortunately, he was a popular target for the flying snow balls – I tried to avoid him if I could. I couldn’t find it in myself to see it as flattering, though, the way they chased me. Even though I felt a tiny twinge of guilt as I willingly handed Mike my heavy books, I couldn’t be self-less enough to take them back. I had lived my whole life putting others in front of me – couldn’t I live a little? Even if it was in my little hell-hole.

And I didn’t know what to say when Emmett Cullen, of all people, had said, “Hey, Bella!” in the crowded hallway between classes so loud that the whole school must have heard. I didn’t even know why – but his booming voice had caught me off guard and I nearly stumbled into him again. For the next hour, it felt like it was my first day again – people stared at me for a whole hour, while I had blushed at least eighteen shades of red. I decided not to pursue it, however, but it surprised me again when Alice and Jasper, whom I’d hardly seen, smiled at me between the third and fourth period. I smiled back, receiving another hour of curious stares. I guessed that this must have been a first to them, too.

“Bella!” Jessica poked me in the shoulder. “Look!” I stumbled out of my reverie and focused front. She was introducing someone.

“Class, Edward has been switched from my period one to my period four – so say hello to Edward Cullen.” Edward Cullen, himself, slouched into the classroom, looking as if he was hating the attention. A few of the girls straightened their hair, patting down their shirts. Jessica fixed her headband, leaning forward in her seat. Even the teacher, the olive-toned Señorita Jimenez, pinched her skirt and seemed incredibly pleased. He walked towards her, a slight scowl on his face.

“Hello, Edward,” she said warmly. That was a first. I felt sorry for him – I supposed it wasn’t easy, even after two years, to be noticed like that. “Hola, Edward. It’s nice to have you in this class.” Her accent was laid on thickly.

I thought I saw his eyebrows raise a fraction, and I couldn’t help my own. For god’s sake, he had only moved his schedule. I couldn’t see the big deal. She smiled in what would have been a coy manner, except her thin lips couldn’t quite manage it. A few of the boys, and me, sniggered. This was getting good. “Vaya, go,” she said in a dismissive manner. “Sit next to…” she looked around the class, before her eyes locked on me. “Go sit next to Miss Swan, Edward.”

A few of the girls looked disappointed, and Jessica stared on with wide eyes. Some of the boys that were from Biology had a look of resentment. I rolled my eyes as he shoved his hands into his pockets and shuffled towards my table. A few of the girls sighed audibly.

The chair scraped loudly as he pulled it back, slipping into it noiselessly. It was a double table – and mine was the only one empty, near the back of the room. As the lecture started, I looked at the clock. Only forty more minutes until lunch remained. Looking around the room, I could see a few of the girls send us furtive looks. I leaned a bit closer to him, just to aggravate them. I whispered conspirationally into his ear. “Now who’s disappointing them?”

The corner of his mouth twitched. “Not me,” he whispered back easily. His voice caught me again. It was like velvet, and had the tone of humor in it. I frowned at him, before looking around the classroom. The teenage boys were staring at us with sets at their mouths, looking somewhat arrogant. Realizing, I blushed.

“Fine,” I allowed haughtily. I tried to listen to Sra Jimenez, but I was too bored, doodling idly on the cover of my book. She droned one for what seemed like an eternity. It was hard to pay attention, but she suddenly clapped, claiming it anyways.

“Okay, class,” she said in her accent. “We are going to do a partner project. It is a homework assignment, and I expect the same amount of work from both people. You will have to work at each other’s houses, and due next Friday.” She handed the assignment papers to Tyler Crowley, who began to pass them out. I internally groaned. I could picture Edward Cullen sitting in my shabby kitchen, on the mismatched chairs. He would look so… out of place.

“The assignment is simple, really. But I hope this is an opportunity to become closer to our classmates, to get to know them better, at the start of a new school year. I expect a complete poster and a written essay explaining our verb conjugations, and using them. Now, I’m going out for ten minutes, so use it planning and talking to your partners.”

I mentally groaned again and turned reluctantly to face Edward, who was grinning at me, looking lax. The crooked grin was so beautiful that it knocked me breathless, momentarily stunning me. My thoughts started to rebuff. Do you hear yourself talking, girl? Beautiful? Bella, do not fall for him.

“So, partner,” said Edward, tilting his head. A bronze lock fell out onto his forehead, and I was suddenly overcome by an urge to put it in place. What? I never allowed myself to have these kinds of feelings. Stop, Bella. I clamped my fingers together under the table, to stop myself from doing anything. He paused for a moment, looking so solemn that I grew afraid, and then suddenly said, “what’s your favorite color?”

I let out a gust of air that I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. I was afraid that he might have asked something about the past. I was almost giddy with relief. “What kind of question is that?” I asked angrily.

He rolled his eyes. “Just answer it,” he said. “We’re supposed to be finding out about each other.”

I thought for a moment. “It changes every day,” I said.

“Well, what is it today?” I couldn’t fathom where his interest came from. He could have just been acting for the assignment. Who would want to know about my dreary life?

“Probably brown,” I said. “I tend to dress according to my mood.” It was true. I was dressed in a brown sweater with a white shirt showing underneath. I rolled the long sleeve of it onto the pushed up one of my sweater. I placed my bare forearms on the table, but turned it the other way when I noticed another one of the healing bruises and cuts. I didn’t want him to think that I was a depressed maniac… not that I already was, of course. But since when did I start caring about what others thought about me?

He snorted, breaking me out of my thoughts. “Brown?” he asked skeptically.

“Sure,” I said. “Brown is warm. I miss brown. Everything’s supposed to be brown. The trees, the rocks, the roads – it’s all covered with squashy green stuff here.”

He looked at me solemnly, listening to my rant. He nodded. “You’re right. Brown is warm.” When he noticed me playing with my pendant again, a look came into his eyes. “Where did you get that?” he asked.

I looked down at my necklace. I had a habit of fidgeting with it. “I’ve had it ever since I could remember, actually,” I said. “I never take it off. In fact, I don’t even remember who gave it to me.” I was trying to remember, as I had done often, only too aware that my nose was all scrunched up. I did that when I was deep in thought. One of Renee’s nicer relatives had given it to me, but I couldn’t place who. It was one of my only prized possessions, and it was real, gold and diamond. Renee had tried to take it, beating me to give it to her – even taking it once, until I stole it back. She still thought she had it. Whenever she came around, I would hide it under my shirt.

Edward looked amused, leaning his head onto one hand. It looked so adorable…

Gah! What was I thinking? I was losing my mind. Figuratively speaking, because I already had a near split personality. I was going crazy.

“So,” I said casually. “What’s your favorite color?”

“Probably brown, too, now that you mention it,” he said. I would have expected him to blush, but his skin remained as pale as ever.

I narrowed my eyes, looking at him. “Oh, and I’m the crazy one,” I muttered. I had a feeling that he heard it, however, even if it was barely audible to his own ears. I gazed into his eyes. They were golden – actual golden, a shade lighter than butterscotch. We were staring at each other when a frustrated look trickled into his face. “What?” I asked self-consciously. I looked down at myself.

He sighed, a speculative look in his eyes. “Nothing. It’s just that I can’t understand what you’re thinking.” He turned away, abruptly looking like he had spoken too much, but I was too confused by what he meant. At least I knew the feeling.

“What do you mean?” I asked. I didn’t understand him. “Charlie always calls me an ‘open book’, because I’m so easy to read.”

“On the contrary, I find you very difficult to read,” he said softly.

“You must be a good reader, then,” I supplied.

He flashed his teeth. “Usually.”

Just then, the teacher backed into the room, holding a large pile of files. The class immediately quieted, even though everyone had been messing around just seconds ago, throwing paper balls and talking loudly. “I hope you’ve discussed who’s going where,” she said sternly. The bell rang suddenly, and everyone ripped up out of their seats. We hadn’t even got that far.

“Why don’t you come over to my house tomorrow after school?” I said hastily. “We can get the thing done then.”

He smiled his crooked grin, and I got lost again, when I realized he was speaking. I made myself focus. “…it’s a date, then,” Edward was saying. I couldn’t help tensing up when he said the word “date”, but I made myself relax. He didn’t mean that, obviously. I smiled back quickly at him, but my stomach churned. The thought of Edward Cullen in my shabby home… My heart, which had been dormant for months, gave a lazy off-beat thump. Why?

“Sure,” I said. My voice, to my immense pleasure, didn’t falter. I had been getting better at repressing emotions. I picked up my books and stumbled out of the classroom, where an over-excited Jessica waited outside the door. She tugged my arm immediately, nearly dislocating my elbow, and started to drag me along with the lunch rush.

“I cannot believe you are partnered with Edward Cullen!” she was saying. “You have to be the luckiest person alive,” she said. I smiled wryly and shook my head when she wasn’t looking. Yeah, right. All the girls here were the same, too – hormone-fueled, boy-crazed ones. “Come on,” she said, dragging me into the cafeteria. She lined us up, grabbing a tray. “You don’t want anything, do you?”

“Nope,” I said lightly. I grabbed a soda off the stand. We paid, and made our way to the crowded table. I was feeling better – it was only my third day, and the stares had stopped coming. I sat opposite Angela on the edge of the table, not wanting to sit in the space between Mike and Eric; they both had withdrawn the same chair, offering me a spot, then glaring at each other when they realized they had moved in unison. Lauren immediately claimed it when I didn’t.

We chatted lightly about homework, but mostly we were immersed in our own silence. Again, the silence wasn’t uncomfortable; it was similar to what it felt like when talking to Charlie. The silver corner of Angela’s glasses winked in the light whenever she moved, always catching my eye. It must have been the fifth time when I looked over to the flicker of sharp white light, when someone came up over Angela’s shoulder. They person approached the table until she stood less than two feet away.

I didn’t know what to say. It was Alice Cullen. I was aware of the hush that had befallen the table as they looked up to her. More tables silenced as they looked up and saw that the main one had. Soon, the entire lunch room was quiet, everyone looking awed at the out-of-place Cullen. I looked up.

“Hey, Bella,” she said. I recognized her chime-like voice from my first day slip-up in the office. Her irises, I noticed, were the same color of her adopted brother – the color of molten gold. The darker and lighter flecks in her eyes shone in the low light. She smiled at me.

“Hi,” I said, surprised. My voice echoed around the silent cafeteria, even though it was soft. I looked around. Everybody was looking at us, with identical looks of shock on their faces. I was guessing this probably never happened before.

I scanned the lunchroom – my eyes stopped at the two-Cullen table, Edward and Tanya, who were both looking at me with the same expression, but Edward’s eyes curious and Tanya’s filled with disgust. I blushed – I had never been the one for spotlight – and turned back to Alice. Her bright eyes were unreadable, but her smile was blinding. She smiled again, this time a bit hesitantly.

She spoke again, her voice even softer than mine. “Um, well, we were wondering… would you like to sit with us today?”

I literally heard the whoosh of air as people gasped. I looked at her, dumbstruck, before I turned to everyone at the table. The girls were staring with incredulity on their faces; the boys with an awed expression. Angela, Jessica, and Lauren’s mouths hung open with surprise. I looked back to Alice Cullen. Why on Earth was she asking me to sit with her? It was like gods in front of a peasant. I would look hideous compared to them. But they didn’t look the type to play games – interact with the student body at all – why were they asking me, me, to sit with them?

I looked around again. Everyone was waiting for me to answer. I got up, curious to see why Alice Cullen had invited me. “Uh… sure,” I said. My voice sounded flat next hers.

“Great!” She said. She led me to the corner table, where the other Cullens had sat yesterday. She walked—no, danced up to it, pulling me along with her. Her hand was hard, like marble, and just as cold. I stumbled behind her, sure that I looked crippled next to her grace. The cafeteria had erupted into a buzz, everyone whispering excitedly to each other, shooting looks at us. I stumbled up to the table, my mouth dry. Alice pulled me down next to her. I felt insignificant as I looked up at the angels. Emmett grinned his goofy grin, and I couldn’t help grinning back.

Alice started speaking. Now that we were away, she spoke with her volume, her voice excited and hyper. I smiled. It seemed exactly right for her. She jumped up and down with enthusiasm. “It’s nice to finally know you, Bella!” I wondered what she meant by ‘finally’. The blond-haired Jasper shot her a look, but she ignored it. “You probably know us already, but I’m Alice, that’s Jasper,” She pointed each person as she introduced them. Jasper smiled, and I felt a wave of calm blanket my nervousness.

“Hi, Jasper,” I said shyly. Alice continued.

“Emmett,” he shook my hand in a business manner, looking as if he had just closed a deal. I had to laugh aloud, and he laughed along with me when he saw me wringing my hand, flexing my sore fingers. “…and Rosalie.” Rosalie merely nodded, not smiling, but not glaring either, as she had done to Tanya. I had somewhat been intimidated by her fierce glare. I smiled tentatively back. I had a feeling it was going to be like this.

The conversation had continued – how I liked Forks so far, and things like that. Eventually, Alice asked, “So… seen any boys you like?”

I couldn’t help it – I stiffened for a second, before relaxing. Images of Daniel came into my mind, but I tried to ignore them. “No,” I said lightly. But I didn’t think they missed it. Emmett sighed theatrically, turning to Alice.

“Past-relationship problems, Alice,” he said easily, leaning back into his chair. “Not that you would know.” She narrowed her eyes at him.

“Oh, and you would?”

“Well, of course. I’m irresistible—“ he didn’t continue because suddenly Rosalie turned to him, her wide eyes furious.

“You’ve had girlfriends besides me?!” This was the first time she had spoken, and her voice was beautiful, just like the rest of them, even if it was rising in a shriek.

He backed away, looking sorry. “No! I mean, yes—but it was a long, long time ago!”

“Oh yeah, when you were in diapers, I suppose! What’s her name?!” Emmett cowered in his seat. Alice joined into the argument.

“And who said I wouldn’t know?” she asked indignantly. Jasper, who had been watching with an amused expression, turned on her.

“You’ve had past boyfriends?”

“Uh… no?”

I couldn’t help it – I started laughing. They all turned to me, as if realizing I was there for the first time. Alice looked apologetic. “Sorry, Bella, we fight like wolves,” she said. For some reason, Emmett started snickering, earning a hard glance from Rosalie. “If Esme and Carlisle left us for one hour, they would come back and see the house in pieces.” I guessed that Esme and Carlisle must have been their adoptive parents. I was surprised that she called them by their names.

Just then, I realized that lunch was ending, and all the other students were standing up, before sending the table one last look. My eyes caught with Jessica’s, who was looking quizzical yet excited at the same time. I bit my lip, and stood up as well. Alice stood up with me. “I’ll walk you to your next class,” she said.

She walked with me to Bio, talking the whole way. When she left me at the door, I took a deep breath. I was sure that this was going to be the first day all over again.

I walked into the classroom, trying to ignore the hush that followed after me. It was truly the first-day agony.

I walked, stumbling every once in a while, hugging my books to my chest. I was a bit scared. What would Edward Cullen think of me? Again?

I walked into the classroom, blushing darkly when I noticed the hush that followed after my entrance. I walked over to the table just as Mr. Banner walked into the classroom, diverting everyone’s attention. I silently thanked him in my mind. And he had good timing, too.

I continued the walk to the table, which felt like it was miles away. The closer I got, the further it would move away. Eventually I got to the table, settling down in my seat. Edward Cullen looked away, out of the window. No doubt he was possibly annoyed at me, interacting with his enigmatic family.

“Mr. Cullen, Ms. Swan, if you could please face front.” Mr. Banner’s voice shocked me out of my thoughts. I had been looking at Edward as I thought the whole time. My face flushed as I turned to face the board, aware that everyone was once again looking at me.

Another student backed into the classroom, dragging a television on a cart. A movie day – the excitement in the air was almost tangible.

Mr. Banner shoved the tape into the VCR, turning out the lights. I put my head on my arms, staring at the TV glumly. I felt my eyelids droop, until soon enough, I fell asleep.

I am looking for something. I don’t know what, but I’m looking for something, that I know.

I walk forwards purposefully. I’m standing in a dark space, an unknown bubble of light floating in front of me, illuminating the floor.

The bubble of light floats until the end of a corridor. Someone is standing there, a tall, pale someone. I know it’s a man. He’s facing the other way, and I can only see his back. He’s dressed in good clothes – an ivory sweater that looks oddly familiar, and dark jeans.

The bubble of light floats right to him, and then it goes right into him, into his back. I look at him. I feel like I know him. He’s the one that I’m looking for.

I move my gaze higher, trying to look for some sign of recognition. His defined shoulders, perfect figure… I look higher. I stop at his hair – an unusual color. Reddish brow—

I felt a poke on my ribs, and I slapped the hand away. The hand reached over to my shoulder, shaking it, and I felt an electric shock run through me. “Bella,” someone whispered into my ear. I jolted awake. Only one voice sounded that melodious.

I raised my head off my arms. The room was still dark, and the movie was still playing, but most of the people were sleeping on their textbooks, drooling. I turned my head to find Edward staring at me, his expression as if he was suppressing a smile.

“What?” I said in a grumpy whisper. I looked at the clock. I had only been sleeping for fifteen minutes.

“You were sleeping,” he whispered to me.

I rolled my eyes. “I know,” I said. “An interesting dream, too. You couldn’t have waited one more minute.”

“No, but you were talking. First I thought you were awake.”

I gasped quietly, my face flushing. “What did I say?” My voice sounded breathless.

“Nothing,” he said quickly. “It was too quiet.”

I looked down at his hand, which was still resting on my shoulder. It was unnaturally… cold, for a human. I twisted out of his grasp, blushing uncomfortably, and internally breathed a sigh of relief as he quickly took it away. It was easy to feel the scar there, even through my thick clothes. He looked away while I felt my face growing hotter and hotter.

I shook my head and went back to watching the movie, unable to sleep again, but thinking about the dream. Who was the mysterious person? I felt as if I knew him…

I turned to look at Edward, studying him briefly. He was facing the front, watching the movie, but his eyes seemed far away, as if he was lost in thought. His perfect features… glowed slightly in the dim lighting, enhancing his golden eyes. His eyes reminded me of the other Cullen siblings, and their ones. Why on Earth had they invited me to sit with them? Did Edward know?

I thought about them again, still looking at Edward. The otherworldly grace that they had around them, the way they emitted an… aura, the way they carried themselves…

I remembered my first day lunch. How each of them sat with untouched trays of food in front of them. Their inhumane beauty, their unnaturally pale skin. The way they were all adopted, yet had the same colored eyes and skin. It was slightly unnerving, and I had a feeling I was missing out on something. But still, why had they invited me?

Edward turned his head abruptly towards me, and instead of turning the other way and blushing, I stared right back at him. His golden eyes smoldered, even in the dark, burning holes into my eyes. He… dazzled me, and I felt all the coherent thoughts in my head lose steam under his intense stare. I kept on gawking at him, my inside voice knowing that I looked like an idiot. Flickers of electricity charged between us, and I wondered vaguely what it was.

Someone dropped their textbook on the floor, the loud thud bringing me out of my reverie. I jumped and turned the other way, feeling my face inevitably reddening with a brilliant blush. I hoped that it was dark enough so that he couldn’t see my face. I still felt dizzy, and I tried to clear my head. What was that electricity?

After a few more minutes of the mindless movie, the bell rang, and everyone shot out of their seats, others waking up blearily. I got up quickly, too, eager to escape the Edward Cullen. I didn’t know what he was thinking of me, and I didn’t want to. I had embarrassed myself enough today.

But, of course, being me, as I stumbled out of my chair, caught my foot on the leg of the table and fell. I prepared myself for the hard ground, but, for the second time in three days, felt hard arms instead catch me. I cracked one of my eyes, which had been closed tightly, to look into a pair of bright golden eyes. I groaned.

Edward was leaning over me, holding my body. He straightened me, and I immediately jumped out of his grasp. He was laughing. “Are you okay?” he asked.

I narrowed my eyes at him, blushing. “Yes,” I retorted. He was still laughing. “What?” I asked indignantly.

“It just that you looked so funny when you fell.”

I averted my eyes, stalking away and out of the door. He caught up to me in a beat. “Don’t be mad,” he said, a smile in his voice.

He walked me all the way to gym, while I fumed silently. But inside, I was just as curious again: why was he walking with me to gym? Another mystery to add to my list, I thought glumly.

--

I was cooking enchiladas for dinner, preparing the chicken. Yesterday, I had found out that Charlie couldn’t make much more than eggs and bacon. I had taken in charge of the kitchen, deciding to cook something special everyday for Charlie, to make up for what he missed in eighteen years. The extreme step-by-step cooking also took my mind off things.

The phone started ringing, and I ran to the hallway to pick it up. It was Jessica.

“Hello? Bella?”

“Oh, hey, Jess,” I said. I went back to the kitchen, cleaning up. “What’s up?”

“I cannot believe that the Cullens invited you to sit with them!”

I internally groaned, taking a while to get my mind back to school. It was going to be like this for a while. “Hmm, me too,” I agreed.

“So, why did they?” Her voice sounded excited, getting increasingly hyper.

“No idea,” I replied honestly. “Anyways, I need to go… I’m making my dad’s dinner.”

“Okay,” she said. She sounded disappointed. Was it genuine? Did she really like me? “Hey!” she said again. Her voice brightened. “Do you want to come over? I’m having a movie night with the group.”

My mind flashed back to all the movie nights that Daniel and I had. We’d plug in a horror movie and I’d cower under Daniel’s arm, when he’d rub my back and laugh. We would lie under blankets together, sometimes falling asleep… My eyes started tearing up, and I found it hard to breathe again. I concentrated on taking in gasps of air, breathing shallow, trying not to hyperventilate.

“Bella?” Jessica’s voice sounded worried.

“No,” I choked out. “I’m sorry, Charlie wanted me to… spend time with him.” I was lying wildly through my teeth.

“Okay,” she said again, disappointed. At least, I thought she was disappointed. “See you at school, then, Bella!”

“See ya, Jess,” I replied. I thankfully hanged up the phone, leaning against the wall for support, closing my eyes. My head started throbbing, and I realized I had forgotten my daily medicine. I swallowed it quickly, grimacing at the bitter taste, just as Charlie walked through the door, hanging up his coat. He walked to the table, sitting down with an exhausted sigh.

“Hey, Bells,” he greeted. I put his dinner in front of him, sitting across on the tiny table. “How was school?”

“Good,” I said. “I made new friends.”

His eyes crinkled into a smile. “Who?” he asked. I rolled my eyes.

“The Cullens,” I said hesitantly. “Do you know them?”

Charlie, who had been leaning back in his chair with his eyes closed, cracked them open with surprise. “The Cullens?” he said. “Sure, of course. Dr. Cullen is a great man. I was a bit worried at first, with those adopted children and all, but they don’t cause even a speck of trouble. They like keeping to themselves, though, I’ve noticed.” I silently agreed. Then, he noticed my dinnerless state. “Where’s your dinner?”

“Not eating,” I replied shortly. “It has chilies in it, and I’m not allowed. You know, all the meds and stuff.”

His brow creased into a frown. “But, Bella, please, eat something, at least.”

I shook my head. “No, it’s okay, dad. I’m not really hungry. Anyways, I have to go do my homework.” That was a lie – I just wanted to escape his searching gaze before he asked more questions. I escaped to my room, closing the door behind me. I grabbed my iPod and stuck it into my ears, grateful for the loud noises.

After a while, and walked over to the bathroom, to take shower. I slumped against the tiles as the hot water fell over me, suddenly feeling exhausted. But I knew why. It was only a matter of time, before that was it. Maybe six months. According to the doctor.

I fell asleep almost immediately, letting my exhaustion pull me into a dreamless sleep. Or, dreamless until a certain point.

That was the first night I dreamt about Edward Cullen.

Edward Cullen

I perched on the tree, careful not to make any noise. I shook a leaf out of my hair, watching the clear gap in the wall – the window. Pale yellow blinds hung limply. For maybe the fiftieth time that night, the same thought crossed my mind: What the hell was I doing here?