"You're not as broken as you think you are, Lee." 200 loosely related one shots documenting the life & times of Leah Clearwater.
1. Lull and Storm
Rating 0/5 Word Count 1676 Review this Chapter
When we don’t know who to hate we hate ourselves.
Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
Title Lull and Storm
Claim Leah Clearwater
Warnings Spoilers through Eclipse
Disclaimer I am not Stephanie Meyer
Summary That was how it all started, anyway. With her attempted suicide.
Table/Prompt Angst / 01 Broken
Word Count 1569
Some days, it wasn't so bad.
She got up, got dressed, ate, and did her god awful job- the job she hated because of her co wokers. It just made it worse that they were people she used to love.
Some days, she just wanted to die.
That was how it all started, anyway. With her attempted suicide.
The rain, which any human would have found frigid, was pleasant against her fevered skin. It came down in icey sheets, unrelenting, unforgiving. Dependable, even. In Forks, and by extension, La Push, the rain was constant. Sunny days were an anamoly. A long time ago, Leah had despised her local clime. If it were up to her, she would have lived in California, or Arizona. Somewhere hot and dry. Now she charished it, because if it got any hotter than 50 degrees, she'd surely overheat. She wouldn't leave, and she couldn't, even if she wanted to. She was tied to her homeland.
How ironic was it, then, that a defining geological feature of her homeland would be the death of her?
Maybe not all. Maybe it was just coincidental.
Turning her face to the sky, Leah closed her eyes as the rain fell against her face, her closed eyelids, making her skin numb. Washing her mind clean of the events that had taken place that day.
As if she didn't have enough to deal with, now she had a wedding in the near future. No, make that two weddings- her ex boyfriend and ex best friend's, and the leech and object of Jacob's affections. That second one was annoying the crap out of Jake, though, and by extention, it was annoying the crap out of her.
By extension, Sam's own wedding was the source of much grief for him.
That was the first shitty thing that had happened to her only hours earlier. Sam had showed up at her door and asked her to please get over herself so he could enjoy his dream day.
He hadn't used those exact words, but that was the jist of it.
And then, like she never even talked to her stolen fiance, Emily had shown up and asked her to be maid of honor. She had so much nerve to even talk to Leah, to even invite her to the wedding.
Leah really didn't care how much she'd loved Emily a few years ago. She slapped her and ran away.
She'd ended up by the cliffs her wolf brothers made frequent jumps off of, for fun. She was considering them for a grimmer purpose, but she wondered how seriously she could take herself. When Sam had first left her, she'd considered it but chickened out. Heartbroken, but still so much to live for, she'd told herself.
That was before the whole werewolf fiasco.
Now it didn't seem like it would be too difficult. Certainly, a lot of people would be better off with out her in their lives. It wouldn't be such a greedy thing to do anymore. It'd be more like a selfless act of martyrdom. Something like that. She tried to delude herself into thinking she wasn't self centered.
But she was. Her mother, and her baby brother and sister, they'd be even more alone then they were now. Losing Harry had been hard on the family. Now Leah was the bacon bringer, putting food into Seth and Annabel's mouths. Even at fifteen and ten, they were still very much babies in their older sister's eyes. Even Seth, a werewolf himself, needed protecting. Annabel... well, all Leah could do was pray she'd never see the day Annabel could protect herself from Vampires.
They were probably asleep in their beds right now, Leah reflected. They expected her to make breakfast in the morning.
But Emily and Sam could do that. They'd already stolen everything else from her, why not her family, too? They could probably support them better than Leah ever could, anyway. Rolling her eyes, she sat down on the ledge of the cliff she'd been standing on for what felt like hours.
She enjoyed the solitude until she wasn't alone anymore.
“Leah, don't be an idiot.” Jake yelled from somewhere behind her in his best no-bullshit voice. She craned her neck around to look at him. He'd parked his motorcycle next to hers and was about ten yards away from her. She turned her attention back to the ocean.
“Go away, squirt.” She called back to him. He hadn't moved. He'd probably heard her thoughts while she'd been running around the woods pointlessly, before she'd come here. He must've known what was up, in any case.
“You can't swim.” He pointed out. She scoffed. It was true, she'd never learned how. She'd despised the water so much she'd never seen the point. It was just another thing that made her inferior to the rest of the pack.
“That's kind of the point.” She muttered to herself, flicking a pebble over the edge.
“Look, just don't move.” He said, taking a step towards her. She held up a hand to signal that he stop moving.
“Can you just let me do this?” She snapped, looking at him again. He shook his head solemnly.
“I swear, if you jump, Lee...” He began, taking another step closer to her. She siddled forward, and his movement paused.
“Don't say you'd miss me.” She said frankly, looking away from him. She was quite precariously perched now, but she knew if she fell there was still another ledge about ten feet that would catch her. She needed to clear the other cliffs if she wanted to not look like some sort of suicide idiot.
“Sam would.” Jake said, evidently not picking his words very well. Leah laughed out loud at that.
“Sure, sure, like your leech is going to miss you in a hundred years.” She must have really pissed him off, because he began running towards her. What was he going to do? Tackle her off the cliff? Kill her? Well, that wouldn't do. She flung herself forward, just praying she'd die and it wouldn't hurt too much, and maybe that Seth and Annabel wouldn't remember her as some traitor.
Hitting the water didn't kill her, but she did black out underneath the water. Sort of peacefully. She'd always thought death would hurt.
When she woke up, her first thought was goddamn it. Complete failure, and now she'd have to explain to her ten year old sister why exactly she'd jumped off a cliff when she couldn't swim.
This was perfectly fantastic.
She kept her eyes closed, listened for voices or indicators of her environment. Hearing only even breathing, she opened her eyes and found herself to be in her bedroom, with Seth curled up on the foot of her bed, Quil on the ground to her left and Embry in the chair to her right.
Great, Jake had sent the entire freaking b-team to stop her from killing herself. She never got what she wanted.
Pulling her sheets back carefully, she snuck out of the room, pushing the door open quietly. Not quietly enough.
“Where are you going?” Embry inquired wearily, already poking Seth in the shoulder.
“Jake pushed me.” She accused immediately, trying to find an easy out to the situation.
“Yes,” the sacarasm in Embry's tone was thick enough to be cut with a knife, “He pushed you and then fished you out so you could tell on him.”
She frowned at that, and then went the kitchen. Unable to wake either Seth or Quil, Embry tagged after her.
“Put that down,” He suggested cooly as Leah picked up a knife from the kitchen. Admittedly, she'd done it to get a rise out of him. It most certainly confirmed her suspicions, and she could probably use it to her advantage.
“I'm making breakfast.” She said calmly, pulling some vegtables from the fridge.
“Let me do that.” He said, eyes narrow. She smirked and relinquished the knife. Less work for her.
“Why did Jake send so many of you? Can't Seth keep an eye on me?” She inquired conversationally. You know, like they weren't discussing her attempt on her own life.
“Obviously not, since he refuses to wake up.” Embry replied in a similar tone, suddenly very intent on chopping carrots.
“Changing the subject.” Leah pointed out. She didn't take that kind of bullshit, especially not when she wanted to know something.
“Actually, Sam sent us.” He admitted, eyes set on the debauched vegetables. Leah looked up in interest, something sparking deep within her. Her brow furrowed.
“Like he'd miss me,” She said, echoing her earlier sentiments, “None of you would. Don't see why you're trying so hard.” He sighed and set down the knife.
“That's not true.” He refuted, looking up at her. She glanced towards her bedroom door.
“Seth, I guess.” She admitted, looking down at her fingernails.
“And me,” He added. She made a face. “Jake would. He saved you. Sam and Emily would-”
“Know that for a fact?”
“Better than you do, apparently.”
She was silent at that, looking down at the bowl of eggs she was mixing.
“You're not as broken as you think, Lee.” He said, turning back to his carrots. “You have people who love you. That's a hell of a lot more than some people have.”
For once, she couldn't bring herself to disagree.