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Warm as Breath

Summary:
Broken, but breathing. Or dead forever in a heaven that abandoned her once and might very well do it again. Jacob/Bella Three Shot. All Dialogue. Read and Review!


Notes:
i wrote this a week ago, but the site was being impossible. so here it is now.


1. Chapter 1

Rating 5/5   Word Count 925   Review this Chapter

“Bells, I love you. You know that, right?”

“I know. And… and I love you too, Jake.”

“What? Really?”

“Really.”

“If you say, ‘as a friend,’ Bella, I’m gonna have to bite you.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Bella, in all honesty, you know I wouldn’t phase here. Never near you. Completely seriously. But, yeah, please tell me you aren’t kidding.”

“I’m not. Jacob, it’s… it’s taken me a while to get here. To this point, that I can love you, like this. You know, I think… I… I love you.”

“That shouldn’t have been so hard to say, honey. I want to make this easy for you.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It’s… it’s about him, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”

“Bella, I want you to tell me. Tell me everything, and then tell me how it is you can love me, all right?”

“I can’t, Jake.”

“Bells…”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”
“The whole truth, Jake? You want the whole truth?”

“Why are you laughing like that? You sound kind of hysterical.”

“I think I am. Jake, I can’t possibly tell you the whole truth. The whole truth would kill us both just hearing! Do you know how much I’ve kept in! All this time. All this time. You know how much pain I’ve been in, but you’ve only seen the tiniest part of it. Just the tiniest part, Jake. I’ve tried to keep it in. Tried so hard! And I have so much more, hidden in me. And I’ve done so much, so cruel to you, Jacob, and it doesn’t change that I love you, and I can’t tell you because I can’t bear to lose you and—“
“Bells, you’re babbling.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I want you to tell me, honey. Please. I want you to tell me.”

“All of it?”

“Every word. Every hurt. Every feeling. Every thought. All of it.”

“All right. You sound like you mean it.”

“I do.”

“Well, let’s start at the beginning… I… he left me. You know that. And he told me he didn’t love me, never had… I offered to come with him. And he told me not to. And that’s when it started… the biggest secret of all? You want to know what it is? He told me he didn’t want me. He said, Bella, I don’t want you to come with me… it’s better this way… a clean break. He took back every present he ever gave me… except… the radio in my truck-“

“That’s what happened to it?”

“Yeah. I took it out the second week. Once I could move again. I couldn’t, at first. Too much pain—Oh, Jake, I can’t stand telling you this. You look so miserable.”

“But I want to know. I really do, honey. I need to know how I can help. And I have to understand the hurt to heal it.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”

“I don’t deserve a friend like you.”

“Yes, you do. You deserve… him, too. You deserve everything, Bells. I can’t bring him back here, or I would, because I can’t stand to see you like this. But I can’t. I can give you this, though. You have to talk about it. You have to tell me. You have to open up. You can’t just let it stay inside you forever.”

“Yeah. You’re right.”

“Course I am.”

“You make this so easy.”

“I try to make it easy for you, you know. Life is too hard for you sometimes.”

“Hard. Do you know how hard I have to try? Every breath I take, every word I say, it feels like I’m carrying the world on my shoulders… unless you’re there. You make it better. You carry it for me.”

“I try, Bells.”

“Thank you. I… I can’t do it alone. I’m doing better now. I can feel, now. Besides the pain, beyond, behind it, I can sometimes feel… happiness. I’m happy right now, as much as these words are burning in my throat to say. I have to get them out, Jake… I have to tell you. Promise me you won’t hate me?”

“I promise. No matter what.”

“IbroughtyouthemotorcyclesbecasausewhenIdosomethingdangerousIcanhearhisvoicewhenIdosomethingstupidanddangerous. I didn’t want to tell you…”

“It’s that hard to say?”

“So hard. You have no idea, Jacob.”

“Honey, I don’t blame you… but… when you ride the bikes you…”

“Hear him. Yelling at me. Like he loves me. Like he cares.”

“Bella, how did you know to bring the bikes to me, that that would work?”

“I wasn’t thinking of it then. I was just trying to break my promise. He made me swear I’d be safe. For Charlie. But I can’t keep a promise when he breaks all of his… Jake, you know I still love him.”

“I know.”

“And you know I always will.”

“I do.”

“But you have to know I love you, too. It scares me, Jake, a lot, that I could lose you any minute, that I might be broken like that again.”

“Never, Bella. I’ll never leave you.”

“I believe you. Isn’t that weird…”

“Of course you do. I’m telling the truth.”

“I love you, Jake.”

“I love you. Forever.”

“No. Not forever.”

“But as long as we live.”

“Yeah. That.”