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Bored of Eternity

Summary:
The Cullens including Bella are bored. How does this include chicken,stars,airport buggies,slinkies,gay Mike,possums,skittles,a couch army,a toothbrush,evil Jasper,unicorns,bats,briefcases,the Wii,pizza,Halloween,Muffin Man,coffee,fake blood and fish oil?


Notes:
(A/N) I do not own Twilight, characters and related themes. Stephenie Meyer does. I just admire her work and decided to have fun with them.


1. Help me .... and the chicken

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1276   Review this Chapter

Jasper's Point of View

“Jasper! Come here please. I need your help!” I heard my pixie-like wife call, or rather yell, from upstairs.


Who knew someone so small could produce such a noise at an unimaginable decibel.


“Uhh,” I placed down the X-BOX control. Why me? I was onto level 67 of “ATTACK OF THE VAMPIRES and I had almost killed my last victim.


Just because I'm a vegetarian doesn't mean I can't be vicious in a game... mwahahaha. Just wait till me and Emmett have a show-down. I'm going to kick his vampire butt.


I sighed and turned to walk up the stairs.


Alice's Point of View

What to wear. What to wear. This is the reason why I have to go shopping. I have nothing to wear and no one else is home.


They're all hunting, besides Jasper, and Bella just had to decide to go visit that dog down in La Push. La Dogville more like it. Someone should call the Pound.


Haha I will make Jasper come with me. Last time we had a blast, literally. Who would have thought that when you mixed skittles with coal and light it, it would explode. I mean, honestly!


“JASPER! COME HERE PLEASE. I NEED YOUR HELP!” Yeah with shopping.


I heard him sigh and smiled. Oh right, getting dressed and have to find some rope.


What is taking him so long? I hear him now, action stations.


Jasper spoke, “I'm here. This better be good. Level 67! Come on!”


“AHA,” One second later and Jasper was completely bound and gagged. My plan is working, oh and it will work. I've made up my mind and I can see it happening now.


Jasper is bloody heavy. That extra stupid deer must have gone to his butt, I thought as I lifted my 'heavy' husband up. Lucky I'm a vampire. See me in action, I have speed baby. Speed.

Carelessly I throw him into the boot of my car. He'll live.



I quickly dance to the driver's seat and pushed the pedal down. Drive before he escapes. He won't escape or I will never let him in our bedroom again.


The wind blew my hair around but I didn't have time to fix it until I successfully reach my target. I shall make Jasper my slave. From store to store. See how he likes it. It's not easy being a girl.


That gives me an idea! If he doesn't co-operate I have a wide selection of plus size clothes for Emmett to play dress-ups. I'm sure I can find something to fit him.


Destination Mall. “Ah how I missed you.” I then remembered Jasper was in the back so I got out and untied him.


“Honey, I need new clothes, I'm lonely, and insanely bored. You will be my slave and do as I tell or I have something else in mind for you.” Dress up Jasper in makeup, braid his hair. YAY!


Where to first? Tough decision... ICE, Valley Girl, Jay Jays, Supre, Crossroad or even K-Mart? Hmm plenty of time to shop at all of them.


3 HOURS, 15 SHOPPING BAGS, ALICE AND A JASPER PILED WITH BAGS LATER:


Jaspers Point of View

OMG! We still have Supre and Jay Jays to go... will this torture never end? Oh no, God help me. She's discovered the shoe shop and Sports Girl. If I don't come out alive, Emmett and Edward can have my Nintendo Wii games. I’m beginning to like Alice’s alternate plan for me. Whatever it is would have to be better than this.



“Ready for some fun, Jaspie?” Oh no what is she thinking of? I would love Edward’s mind reading ability right now.


“Follow me and keep up.” Gee I would if I could see. Does she really need all these clothes? I bet she won’t be able to fit it in her already-overcrowded closet, or should I say ROOM!. Why are we entering a fast food outlet. We don’t eat. We’re vampires. What is she playing at?


“I would like one of everything you have please. One burger, one regular chips, one piece of chicken, one ice cream and so on. Make it snappy. I am hungry!” Alice ordered the boy at the counter. I love it when she bosses humans around.



“What are you doing love? We don’t eat THIS sort of food.” I said to her in vampire speed so no one else could hear.

“You’ll see. It’s going to be fantastic. It’s going to be a flush!” Grr... Alice is bored. Can’t blame her though. We don’t sleep, eat or rest. We have to do something to occupy ourselves.


Alice’s Point of View

I wish this juvenile human would hurry up. I am getting bored and the smell of chicken is gnawing at my brain. Urgh.. how can Bella eat this crap?

“That would be $153.75 please.” Finally. I paid the boy $200. “Keep the change.”

“Jasper. Little help here.” Help your wife. “I’m struggling here. We have to go back to my baby to dump the shopping bags. We’re going to need a fast escape once we have done the deed with the food.”



My plan is working. 5 minutes and we’re outa here. Oh what fun. Emmett’s going to be sad he missed this. “Okay we have 5 minutes. When I say go, go i... where are you going Jasper?”

“You said go...”

“I didn’t mean yet. When I say go, NOT YET, go into the Men’s toilet and block each with various take-out food.” I should make a list of ways to use fast food. “GO!”

Oh this is priceless. Only two toilets to go. I’d hate to be the Janitor that cleans these out. When I had finished, Jasper was already outside waiting. “Done?” I asked. “Done,” he replied.

Jasper’s Point of View

I love Alice and her wild ideas. Who knew chicken floats? I guess you DO learn something new everyday.


We had managed to not get caught and we were now outside the front door of the house. The others were home. You could hear Emmett laughing... hang on.... he’s playing MY game. Oh no he doesn’t.

Alice’s Point of View

Ahh that went down well. Job well done I say. I walked into the door after Jasper. Edward started laughing. “You did WHAT?!?! Oh my God Alice. That is so funny.” He admires my work. I am lovable. I decided to take light in this situation and polish my knuckles to look gangsta.

“What did she do?” Ah Emmett wouldn’t you like to know. “Well put it this way... no one is going to use the public toilets for a while at the mall or eat chicken again.”

“HAHAHAHAHA. You flooded the toilets with chicken? Ah man I should have been there. Why wasn’t I?” Emmett can be dumb. “You were hunting idiot.”

“Oh that’s right!” Stupid head. “I did manage to get a lot of clothes though. Jasper could you bring my bags in.” His back suddenly stiffened. Why was that?

Jasper’s Point of View

Oh no, Oh no, Oh no. I didn’t put the bags in the car. Why didn’t I? Oh Alice told me to dump them. She’s going to kill me. I slowly turned up the driveway again. What do I say? What do I say?

“Oh there you... where are my clothes honey?” Um this could be tricky. “I.. er... dumped them.”

“WHY DID YOU DO THAT?” Oh she’s angry.

“You told me to.” I’m in trouble. I sense anger in her emotions. “I TOLD YOU TO DUMP THEM IN THE CAR.”

Gotta run.

“Come back here Jasper. Time to play Dress-Ups.” Oh she has that sarcastic ring to her voice. I’m in for it now.