Bored of Eternity
The Cullens including Bella are bored. How does this include chicken,stars,airport buggies,slinkies,gay Mike,possums,skittles,a couch army,a toothbrush,evil Jasper,unicorns,bats,briefcases,the Wii,pizza,Halloween,Muffin Man,coffee,fake blood and fish oil?
(A/N) I do not own Twilight, characters and related themes. Stephenie Meyer does. I just admire her work and decided to have fun with them.
2. Duels, Stars and a Mailman
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I hate it when the weather is sunny. I can’t bear to be away from my Bella. Oh great. The sun is rising and it is making my skin glisten like a diamond. I shall avenge the sun when it least expects it...
Look at me. I’m a star! Wanna see me sparkle. What is Emmett doing?. His thoughts are that of a child but then again, it makes sense. He does have a brain like that of a 5 year old.
I turn the corner and see Emmett parading around the front in a black Dracula cape. Over-rated on the vampire attire if you ask me. Suddenly he stops. Haha he has seen me but too late.
“Gee Emmie, you could be a great ballet performer. Become a STAR.” I walked to the veranda. How did I fit into this family? A shopaholic sister, emotional brother, self-absorbed sister and then another brother that is deluded and childlike. Is anyone sane around here?
I’m going to have to go to my bedroom and put on some loud music. Emmett’s thoughts are disturbing me. Guess who’s back, back again, I am back in black. I’m a happy little vegemite. I vant to suck your blood!
Well, well. Isn’t Edward the grouchy one. Being separated from Bella. Haha I wonder how many times she is going to fall. I should go and stalk her. COMEDY. Too bad I can’t eat popcorn... or can I?
“EDWARD...COME HERE!” I am so bored. I have decided to tease him. In a flash Edward was coming down the stairs. “WHAT!?”
“Well... I was getting to thinking... I wish Bella was here today. Humans hurting themselves, especially Bella, make me laugh so.” Let’s see his reaction to that. “Oh you little...” Edward growled and pounced. Oh aren’t we a mountain lion.
“Leave her out of this! Just because you are bored, doesn’t mean Bella can be the source of your amusement. Go back to being a vampire in the front yard! You’re not wanted or loved!” Edward yelled. Oh my jay, he is angry.
Time to start this party. FUN FUN FUN. “I challenge you to... a duel...” Mwahaha I’m going to win big time. I can see the headlines now.
A duel? This is not the medieval times. We are in 2008! He wasn’t even around then.
“What kind of drugs did you find in Carlisle’s cabinet today?” What doesn’t he find?
“It was heroin... but that’s beside the point. I challenge you to three duels! Winner gets to be a STAR!”Emmett said. What the hell is with him and stars? Hmm I’ll just check my schedule, nope nothing to do. “Okay but we get an audience. I don’t want you to cheat!”
Me cheat? When do I ever cheat? “How bout every time we play SNAP? Esme won’t let us play that anymore because of last time.” We’re supposed to have an excellent memory but alas, Emmett is no ordinary vampire.
“How was I supposed to know that a King does not match with a two? They’re both rectangular in shape. As for the table, it was metal... if Esme wanted to keep that table she should have gotten it made out of stronger material. I did her a favour anyway.”
“I’ll go get everyone. Can’t trust you to. Think about some rules or something.” This should keep him at bay for a few minutes.
What should the first duel be? Something random. I am the king of random. No one can beat me. I shall stick to my title forever, Emmett the King of Random. Stick... stick? Haha that’s it! GLUE FIGHT!
At least we have enough glue. Alice went out and bought some as she made a collage of pictures of clothes she is going to have Bella wear.
I can hear everyone coming. Quick act normal. Oh I’m going to go and sit down on the floor in the middle looking innocent. That always works.
Breath in... and out. I have a normal family... duels in the house are normal. Ahh who am I kidding. We aren’t normal. We’re bloody vampires. Why is Emmett in the middle of the room? He’s drawing attention to himself. Who cares its Emmett. “Time for the rules,” I told Edward.
I laid out the rules, “Emmett, there are going to be rules. One, no cheating.” I DO NOT CHEAT “I’m not saying you do cheat but just no cheating. Two, it has to be in the lounge room so it can’t get out of hand and third, after we’re done be normal.” I like normal. It has the letter ‘m’ in it. Stupid Emmett.
“And no wrecking the house!” Esme butted in
“Haha Glue fight!” Emmett yelled and charged at me. The next minute I ended up on the floor with glue all over my face. Urgh this will take a while to get off.
“Is that how you want to play?” I grabbed a glue stick and tackled him. Mwahaha I can be violent too! From where I was, which was on the floor I might add, I could see Alice and Jasper laughing. Alice looked like she was about to collapse. Is this amusing for her? I’ll show her amusing.
“EDWARD, why did you do that?” Alice yelled. Payback... oh no. Run. She has glue! The little pixie has glue!
“This is supposed to be MY fun!” Emmett said. He curled up into a ball in the furthest corner and rocked back and forth repeating, “I am fun, hehe, I am fun, hehe.” Poor little Emmie. His fun duels have been ruined. Let’s shatter his hopes and dreams as well. I whisper my plan to Alice.
“Perfect. I’ll get a piece of paper.” Alice replied.
Where is that paper? Oh yes, Jasper and I used it last night for that thing we did in bed. Ah that was fun. Oh right, paper. Here’s a sheet and now to go on an epic adventure for a texta.
It’s been five minutes and I’ve finally located a texta and wrote on the piece of paper. Time to hand it to Edward to do the dirty work. Emmett is going to be heartbroken. Excellent.
I walked in the lounge room to find Emmett had moved from the left corner to the right corner and Edward standing on his head 10 feet away. Rosalie and Carlisle had left the room whilst I was gone. Can’t handle the glue eh? As I walked from the doorway, Edward came to me and I gave him to piece of paper. “Be subtle my friend.” I warned him.
Edward went over to Emmett and clapped his hand on Emmett’s back. SUBTLE MY BUTT EDWARD! I thought to myself. “Put it there old pal. Let’s move onto the second duel.”
Emmett’s eyes sparkled when he heard this. Oh no... time to write up my will even though I most likely won’t die.
“Highlighter FIGHT!” Emmett charged again at Edward and pulled a highlighter from out of nowhere. Whoa! He is fast.
Yes. Even though Edward won last round by default, I will win this round. Believe in the Stars and they provide you with power! “You are going down. Literally!” I yelled at Edward and we pounded through the floor. Oops Esme is going to kill me. Good satisfaction though. Edward hadn’t even had the chance to fight back.
“Emmett you are the weirdest person ever!” Edward told me. “Thank you.” I took every second of this moment for granted and decided to bow to the audience, though Esme was looking at me like I was breakfast, lunch, dinner and even dessert. Oh my.
The next second I felt a highlighter go up over my face. Oh he did not. I snapped my fingers do go with the saying. I couldn’t help it. I’m cool!
By the end of the hour, Edward looked like the man from the moon. He was blue. Big improvement. He can be the moon and I can be the star!! Yah!! I was looking rather green. Must have been all the cookies I ate last night.
“Esme, could you announce the winner? We are biased.” Edward asked his mother. Oh suck up so he won’t have to fix the stupid hole in the floor.
“The winner is... drum role Jasper... EMMETT!!” Oh yes it’s me. Ah ha. “Take that Edward. I win I win.” I love gloating. Gloat Gloat Gloat. “Breath Emmett, we’re tied at one all. The decider match. You could still lose.” I won’t lose... i have Star Power.
“I want to decide the next duel, I want to decide!” Gee I never saw this coming. Edward is actually whining. Strangely he looks so adorable like that. “Fine but I bet it won’t be original like mine are.”
“Oh you want to bet?” Edward asked. “Oh yes I do.” I replied.
“500 that my duel idea is original.” Oh playing hard boy eh? “Fine.” I retorted. “Well what is it?”
“Sticky tape fight!” Oh that is original. Damn it. I owe him 500. “Oh Emmie he’s got you there.”Esme laughed. Damn mother and agreeing with a mummy’s boy.
“I shall win this fight!” I lunged at Edward but missed. Let’s make that 2 holes in the floor. Don’t look at Esme, I thought to myself.
Edward randomly placed a piece of sticky tape in my hair. “Edward wins.” Alice cried out. How had he won? It was one piece of sticky tape! This is not fair!
“Why does he win? I am the master, King of Random. HE DOES NOT WIN!” I was not a happy chappy but I will be tonight when I get into my Dracula costume again.
“Because he placed a piece of sticky tape in your hair.” Alice replied. I turned around frantically while trying to rip it out of my hair, when a piece of paper fell from behind me. Hmm... paper can now fly? Interesting.
I picked it up and read it. Oh my God. It does not say that! On the piece of paper it said, ‘I AM NOT A STAR!’ Was this stuck to my back? “I AM A STAR!!” I yelled and started sobbing.
“Stars don’t cry!” Edward said. I hate you Edward. I hope you’re reading my thoughts.
“I NEED TO GO TO MY QUIET PLACE!!” I yelled and with that I stormed out of the Lounge Room and the house.
“Wait!” Esme called. “There are two holes in the floor with your name on it and not to mention your size.” You have Star Power, You can be a Star, You can be anything you want.
“You have to great the mailman on your way out. Jasper can’t do it. Not after last week.” Esme called again.
“Oh my gosh, it was that one time. I’m sorry that he smelt like a dog and I was hungry. Forgive me!” Jasper replied to his mother.
I didn't hear anymore after that. I was too far away.