Crack!fic INCLUDES: Turkey, Chardonnay, High School Musical, and Fritos. I hope it makes you laugh. :D
R&R if you want.
1. Chapter 1
Rating 5/5 Word Count 565 Review this Chapter
Bella was sitting on her couch watching High School Musical 2, and singing to "Bet on it", when Angela jumped through her window with a bottle of wine, landing on Bella's lap.
"Egad!" Bella yelled in a spanish accent. "Wait, is that chardonnay?"
Angela burped and rolled off Bella's lap pnto the floor, spilling the wine on her carpet.
Mike (Fig) Newton appeared out of nowhere. "Is that chardonnay? Me want some! OME! IT'S HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 2! i LOVE YOU TROY!!!!" he squealed in a girly/gay voice.
Just as he was about to grab the bottle of wine from Angela, a turkey ran into the room and grabbed it.
"NOOOOOOOO!" He screamed, falling to his knees. "WHY IS THE WORLD SO CRUEL??"
A random vampire that happened to be named after a corn chip, ran into the room, carrying a drunk Alice on his back, and yelling "The British are coming! The British are coming!" Alice smacked him over the head.
Bella looked around drunkenly. "Frito's?Where?" she slurred, and proceeded to run around the house looking for a bag of Fritos to gorge herself upon.
The vampire apparently named Frito picked Mike up and threw him out the window.
"Frito!! I was going to do that!!" Alice yelled, hitting him over the head with the bottle of wine that she had stolen from the turkey, who was named after a certain adorable vampire. *Cough* Edward *Cough*
Edward (the vampire) ran in, and tripped over Edward (the turkey).
"Edward! Whay did you trip Edward? First you steal the wine from Angela, then you trip Edward! What next?"Then, Alice launched into a very long lecture regarding proper behavior for a turkey.
Bella rolled into the room, having lost the ability to walk from eating too many Frito's. She rolled to the couch, and after many tries, managed to hoist herself onto the couch in time to watch Sharpay and Troy sing "You are the Music in me".
Edward tried to sit next to her, but her stomach covered the entire length of the couch. He settledfor sitting on the floor. Then, a bunch of reporters from local news stations ran in and began taking pictures of Bella, who had set the record for the fattest woman in Washington.
Rosalie ran in and began trying to get the reporters attention, to no avail. She ran out muttering something about a fat suit.
Tehn, Emmett ran in, carrying Jasper, who had dyed his hair black in a n effort to be the first emo vampire in the world.
"Look! It's the only emo vampire in the world!" A reporter who looked suspiciously like Aro of the Volturi, yelled.
Emmett dropped Japer, being temporarily blinded by the flash from the cameras. Jasper stood up and glared at Emmett. Then, he pulled out a knife and began to cut himself. The knife broke. Then, Emmett started to cry.
"MOMMY, JASPER BWOKE MY KNIFEY!!!" Emmett yelled in a ridiculous baby voice. Esme ran in, with Carlisle in tow.
She ran over to Emmett and handed him a knife, and then went over to yell at JAsper, very much like Alice, who was still lecturing Edward. (The turkey.)
Then, Bella woke up. She looked around the rroom. SHe saw that she was in Edwards room, and began to blush as she realized the entire Cullen family was staring at her.
"Bella, why did you dream that I lectured a tukey?"