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Book 1: Adventures at Wal-Mart

This is book one in my new Emmett series! And, it takes place at Wal-Mart (well, no duh) because of Bella's milk issues. WARNING: random and pointless and very CRACK-FIC-ish. There, you have been warned.

FINALLY! I POSTED IT! i've been working on this since July and i FINALLY GOT AROUND TO POSTING IT!! i did have a lot of school stuff (started august 11th for me) so, u really can't blame me, just Mrs. Dunn, Mrs. Lorariuo, and Mr. Enns. Science, Spanish and Math are now my least favorite subjects due to the insane amount of homework. SO, i know its not 5 star perfect quality, but the next chapter will be better and the spanish hw will FINALLY be useful (hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge:D)

1. Chapter 1: Boredom

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The Many Random Adventures of

Emmett Cullen

Book 1: Adventures at Wal-Mart

By BettingAgainstAlice

Chapter 1: Boredom

It was an average day at the Cullen home.

Emmett was playing his Wii alone after beating (or should I say destroying) Jasper and Edward at Guitar Hero.

Rosalie was in the garage, trying to destroy Bella’s car so she couldn’t visit anymore.

Alice was trying to get Bella to go shopping with her in the kitchen.

Edward was randomly walking around since Bella was occupied.

Jasper was hiding upstairs pretending to be upset, though he was really adding to his MySpace page that he wasn’t supposed to have.

Esme was steam cleaning the upstairs carpet, then was going to replace the banister.

Carlisle was supposedly ‘researching doctor stuff’ on the internet, though everyone knew he was looking on Jasper’s MySpace page that Carlisle supposedly ‘doesn’t know about’.

Yep. It was your average day at the Cullen house.


I was starting to get bored.

Extremely bored.

The boredom was boring I was so bored.

I turned off the Wii. It held no interest now.

“Argh! Snufflehimers!” I squealed, then started twitching on the floor from a very mind-blowing mind blow.

“Ummm….” Edward stared at my tortured figure, confusion written all over his supposed ‘angelic’ face. Whatever, I was hotter.

“Boredom…must do…excitement…argl hamer! Mumwaffle!” I shrieked, going back into my current state of spazziness.

“Ummm….” Edward said again, obviously questioning my sanity.

“I’M NOT INSANE!” I yelled. Then I jumped off of the floor and slammed Edward against the wall.

“Fight, fight fight, fight!” Jasper and Rosalie chanted.


“Break it up!” Esme called from upstairs. Mothers….

“Fine,” I said, then fell to the floor. I remembered my boredom suddenly and started twitching again. “Mumplehimmerslopkinz!”

Rosalie, Jasper and Edward shared ‘the Look’.

“I’m not insane!” I declared, then started twitching again.

“Hey do you have any milk?” Bella asked, oblivious from the fight that just broke out between her future husband and brother-in-law.

“Um, no. We can’t drink it. Jasper used to, but then he got high so we stopped buying it.” Alice said. I don’t know why Alice is proud of her husband’s ability to get high on human food.

“I’ll get you the milk, Bella!” I said heroically.

“Cool.” said Rosalie

“Yeah.” Jasper threw in.

“Have fun.” the random chipmunk sitting on the window seal squeaked.

“Thanks, Emmett.” Bella told me in a very uninterested tone. Wasn’t she supposed to jump into my arms in thankfulness? Wait, that was Superman….

“I will go to Wal-Mart this instant and get you the milk you deserve!”

“Emmett, just go already.” Alice said.

“Fine!” I huffed and stomped outside to my jeep.

“Ciao!” I called while pulling out of the driveway.

Now, the adventure begins….(cues an adventure movie’s theme music.)