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Book 1: Adventures at Wal-Mart

This is book one in my new Emmett series! And, it takes place at Wal-Mart (well, no duh) because of Bella's milk issues. WARNING: random and pointless and very CRACK-FIC-ish. There, you have been warned.

FINALLY! I POSTED IT! i've been working on this since July and i FINALLY GOT AROUND TO POSTING IT!! i did have a lot of school stuff (started august 11th for me) so, u really can't blame me, just Mrs. Dunn, Mrs. Lorariuo, and Mr. Enns. Science, Spanish and Math are now my least favorite subjects due to the insane amount of homework. SO, i know its not 5 star perfect quality, but the next chapter will be better and the spanish hw will FINALLY be useful (hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge:D)

2. Chapter 2: The Adventure Begins

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 554   Review this Chapter

Chapter 2: The Adventure Begins

I felt heroic on the way to the nearest Wal-Mart.

Now I was waiting for Granny to move her fat but that was taking up the whole aisle.

“Excuse me, ma’am. Can you please let me by?” I asked as politely as I could.

“¿Quién te piensas eres? Bien, te diré algo, compinche, no ensuciar conmigo. Apenas porque soy viejo y el cubano no significa que no lo tengo.” The old lady said, turning around to face me (and taking a few boxes off the shelves with her giant backside. I haven’t seen anything that big since I went to Africa!).

“Sorry, I don’t speak Mexican.” I said almost apologetically.

The old woman stood there, fuming for a moment, then hit me with a purse almost as big as her behind.

“Watch where you’re swinging that thing, lady!” I yelled as she tried to kill me with her Granny-Bag.

She ignored me and kept trying to bash my head in with her bag, cussing in some foreign language. For once in my life, I actually wished Edward was here, so he could tell me why Granny was so pissed.

“What’s wrong with you! Get off me!” I scream, trying to throw Granny off without hurting the family of Chinese people a few paces away, also arguing in a foreign language.

“Stop it, Granny! Freak!” I yelled, trying to swing her off, but she grabbed my shoulder in one arm, wound her legs around one of my own, and continued to beat me with her bag with her free hand, looking like an oversized toddler whose mom didn’t let him get some candy.

“ABUSIVE PARENTING!” I heard someone yell from down the row. I looked up and saw a boy who looked about nine. “CALL THE ABUSE HOTLINE!”

Someone passing by pulled their phone out of their purse, then continued on their marry way.

“Thanks.” The boy said before dialing the abuse hotline number.

“Hello, this is the abuse hotline, how may I help you?” I heard a pleasant female voice say from the other line.

I ran over at slow-vampire speed and grabbed the phone. “WHY ARE YOU SO HAPPY!” I yelled into the receiver, then broke the phone in half and threw it at the boy’s face.

“Hey, watch it, fatty.” The boy said to me.

I felt insulted. “I’m not fat. I’m muscular.” I flexed my muscles to prove my point.

The old lady tried to bite my neck. I heard a loud crack, and Granny jumped off my, holding a half a tooth. She stared at me and started screaming what appeared to be Spanish curses.

“MIERDA!” she yelled over and over.

“Can it, Granny.”

“Yeah, Granny, can it.” the boy copied me.

“Hey, that’s my granny!” Tyler Crowley said, appearing out of nowhere. “She doesn’t have to can anything!”

“Says you.” I said.

“Yeah, says you,” the midget copied me.

“Shut up!” I yelled in his face, then picked him up, and threw him across the store.

“Whoa.” Crowley said in awe.

“I know.”

“You got some serious distance.”


“I think that was a high score in child-throwing.”

I stared at him. “Since when have you seen me throw children?”

Tyler looked a little embarrassed and walked away slowly.

“Freak.” I muttered under my breath. I looked up, only to see about thirty girls peering around shelves, whispering and giggling loudly.

“Can I help you?”

I stared at the girl who approached me.