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Book 1: Adventures at Wal-Mart

This is book one in my new Emmett series! And, it takes place at Wal-Mart (well, no duh) because of Bella's milk issues. WARNING: random and pointless and very CRACK-FIC-ish. There, you have been warned.

FINALLY! I POSTED IT! i've been working on this since July and i FINALLY GOT AROUND TO POSTING IT!! i did have a lot of school stuff (started august 11th for me) so, u really can't blame me, just Mrs. Dunn, Mrs. Lorariuo, and Mr. Enns. Science, Spanish and Math are now my least favorite subjects due to the insane amount of homework. SO, i know its not 5 star perfect quality, but the next chapter will be better and the spanish hw will FINALLY be useful (hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge:D)

3. Chapter 3: Flirting Gone Bad

Rating 5/5   Word Count 725   Review this Chapter

Chapter 3: Flirting Gone Bad

I backed away slowly from the girl.

“Do need help finding anything?” she asked again, hopefully.

“You’re not even an employee.” I pointed out, almost to the end of the row.

“Oh, um, yeah, well…I am.” she stuttered.

“Where’s your nametag and uniform?” I asked her, approaching the end of the aisle.

“I don’t see how its any of your business.” she snapped.

“I don’t see how its not my business.” Wait…what?

She looked just as confused. “I don’t see how its your business if its my business our yours.”

I paused, trying to understand what she said.

She took advantage of my moment of weakness and yelled to her followers: “Get him!”

Before I knew it, dozens of girls were running toward me, screaming as they ran.

“Ahh!” I yelled, then ran as fast as I could go without looking suspicious.

“HELP ME!!!!!!!” I yelled as I passed by a crowded row.

To my dismay, a few other teenage girls looked over and joined the mob chasing me.

Soon, I saw the light of day, the Men’s Bathroom. I pressed myself to go a little faster, then ran into my haven, leaning against the door so no one else could get in.

I heard the girls smack against the wood like that kid I threw a while back.

Ha, I had outsmarted them, the stupid humans.

I heard a few pounding fists against the door, but they slowly faded away.

After half an hour standing against the door, I decided I could leave.

I poked my head out, looked left and right and didn’t see one single insane girl.

I let out a sigh of relief. They were gone.

I walked out of the bathroom and headed to the long-awaited milk aisle, whistling as I walked.

“Hello, sir, can you help me.” I prayed to the lord the woman talking didn’t have a teenage girl.

I turned around, a young woman with brown hair and two toddlers who kept on trying to climb out of the shopping cart stood in front a huge box that said ‘Fragile: Handle With Care’.

I smiled. “Sure.”

I helped the weak human lift the box into her cart.
“Thank you, sir.” the woman said.

“Your welcome.” I responded, flashing her a wonderful smile.

“Ha! I’ve got you at last!” she then responded.

I looked at her, confused.

She unzipped her back and stepped out of a fat suit, revealing the same girl who pretended she was an employee. She picked up the toddlers, which were actually robot dogs with baby clothes on and threw them to the ground.

“I will force you’re number out of you and then we’ll live happily ever after as husband and wife!” She cackled evilly.

“NOOOO!!” I yelled in agony, forgetting I could just run.

“Yes! We will be together…forever.”

“NOOOO!” I looked up to the heavens for forgiveness.

“Yes! We’ll live as Mrs and Mr Clooney!”

“NOO-wait, my last name isn’t Clooney,” she really was insane.

“Now it is.” she responded with an evil gleam in her eye.

“NOOOO!” I yelled again.

“THERE HE IS!” I heard someone from behind me yell.

I turned around. Dozens of girls were lined up with ‘I Heart Emmett Cullen’ t-shirts on.


“Sorry, got to go.” I told the future Mrs. Clooney and ran for my dear vampire existence.

I pressed against a box on the next row, hoping the girls would keep running like in Shrek.

Unfortunately, my muscles gave it away. The girls saw me, and I continued running away from their insaneness.

“Lucky duck.” I heard Mike Newton said from the children’s underwear section. What a pervert.

Eventually, I got up to the counter. A girl working the cash register saw me in distress. “Um, do you need anything?”

“Yeah! Hiding spot!” I yelled, the jumped over the counter. I curled into a little ball near where she was standing.

“Hey, did you, like, see a, like, hot muscular guy, like, run past here…like?” I heard a someone say in a very Valley-Girl way.

“Yeah, he’s underneath the counter.” The register-lady said.

“No, he’s not!” I yelled, slightly muffled from my hiding spot. “Oh, crap!”

“Oh I guess, he’s, like, not here, like, then.” The same voice said. “The table, like, told me, like, so.” I heard people walking away.

“Hey, Blondie.” I said to the lady working the register. “Thanks a lot.”

She smiled at me, then slipped me something that looked a lot like her number. “No problem.”

I rolled my eyes and walked out from under the counter.

“Stupid employees. So unreliable.”