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Tearing Me Apart

Summary:
Emily/Sam/Leah multi-chaptered fic. Set post-BD, Sam decides to find some of those acquaintances of Carlisle's and take them down. He has a new lead on the human killers, and goes on a three-week trip to get to them. Who does he elect to bring with him? The one pack member who has nothing to loose. Anymore. Leah Clearwater runs with him in dead silence, until one day she breaks down and reveals the truth. He finds he has a choice to make... again.


Notes:
So... my first multi-chaptered Sam/Leah. all the others have been one-shots. and this one may actually have a happy ending. Spoilers for BD. Adult for Leah's naughty words and possibly some innuendo in later chapters.


10. Chapter 10

Rating 5/5   Word Count 727   Review this Chapter

We need to swing by La Push, Sam says one day as we’re running patrol together.

Okay. Sure.

Things haven’t really changed that much. Every so often, as we’re talking as we run, he’ll reference what’s passed between us. He calls me “Lee-Lee” and it doesn’t sting. He tells me he loves me and I believe him. He lets me cry on his shoulder every so often and I don’t feel like I’m betraying myself. He listens while I rant at him and I almost think he’s really sorry. He holds me while we sleep and I’m perfectly content.

But I know I’m not going to get Sam back. I’ve actually accepted it. I’m not deluding myself into thinking it’s not going to keep on hurting every time he looks back at Emily and away from me, but I can enjoy the little I get and deal with the pain when it comes. I’m used to that by now.

Leah, I’m so sorry.

How many times have you said that by now? I’m laughing a little, almost like it’s a joke. I’ve come to treat my pain so much less seriously now that I’m not keeping it all locked in. I can laugh about it. I can laugh.

No. Lee-Lee, listen to me. I’m so sorry, Leah, he repeats sharply. And I catch my breath.

I’m getting a very clear mental image, as always. A picture stronger than even my own memories. It’s like a photograph, and I see it everywhere. It blocks out the entire forest, hides Sam’s worried black eyes, obliterates the sky, superimposed over even my own legs swinging in time beneath me.

I’m so sorry, he says for the third time, and I look through his eyes as he’s practically compelling me to.

I gasp in shock. Because what I see, all I see, is a familiar scene. Shockingly familiar, because I was actually there this time around, and yet unfamiliar because it isn’t the scene I’ve watched Sam replay so many times, it’s my own recollection. Even though it’s become a deep part of me, maybe the most critical moment in my life, but I scarcely ever think of it consciously. I can’t bear to.

We’re in my house, in the kitchen. The beautiful ring I’ve just gotten from him, the most perfect gift I’ve ever gotten, rests on my finger, and I twirl it around absentmindedly. Nervously.

Why won’t he trust me? We’re in love, he’s said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me- that proof is on my left hand. Why then does he have to keep things from me?

Then my worrying is shattered. And not in a good way. “Leah, what I can’t tell you, what I’ve been keeping from you all along, is why I’ve… I love you. I always will. But there are some things stronger than love. It’s like gravity, pulling me in. I can’t resist it, Leah. If I could-“

I watch him walk away, I fall to the floor, I feel the blow as I break in two, as everything that was good in my life dissolves in a shattering second.

The sound of a sob that cuts across both times, recollection and reality, bursts the image.

Again, Sam says, I’m so sorry.

And I start to cry. Wow, this is getting to be a pretty regular habit with me, the sobbing thing. You are. You really regret it. You… you’re not thinking about Emily. You’re thinking about me.

Yeah. That’s why I want to go back, Lee-Lee. I want you to talk to her… or I could do it, but I think… I can’t hurt her, I literally can’t, and I know you love her but you can. Talk to her about… what’s happening to both of us. See what she thinks. What she wants me to do.

You want me to tell Emily to let you go. My voice is blank with disbelief.

Yes.

You want to be without your imprint.

Better than being without you. Better to hurt her a little and myself a lot than tear you apart all over again.

Wow.

Will you do it, Lee-Lee? For me?