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Tearing Me Apart

Emily/Sam/Leah multi-chaptered fic. Set post-BD, Sam decides to find some of those acquaintances of Carlisle's and take them down. He has a new lead on the human killers, and goes on a three-week trip to get to them. Who does he elect to bring with him? The one pack member who has nothing to loose. Anymore. Leah Clearwater runs with him in dead silence, until one day she breaks down and reveals the truth. He finds he has a choice to make... again.

So... my first multi-chaptered Sam/Leah. all the others have been one-shots. and this one may actually have a happy ending. Spoilers for BD. Adult for Leah's naughty words and possibly some innuendo in later chapters.

11. Chapter 11

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Anything for you, I answer with a smile on my lips, a dull and sarcastic smile. Because those words belong to imprinting. Sam is all I see, and I’d do anything for him, and it’s sort of like he’s my imprint only I can’t just be happy for his happiness I have to need him for myself, too.

I try not to hope there’s a chance I’ll get him back. I have to live without dreaming of it or when it falls through, it’ll crush me.

Thank you. So much.

Why are you… what made you change your mind about this? About wanting to be with me? You were so sure, after you imprinted, that she was everything you’d ever want.

It doesn’t hurt quite as much as it would have few days ago, to say that. I’m aware that it was once the truth, but I know now that he’s not so certain.

I think… I would not say the imprint’s gone. Certainly, it isn’t. I still couldn’t bear to hurt her. I still… I still love her, Leah. But I’d say it’s faded. It doesn’t seem… now I can… it doesn’t block everything else out. It surpasses it, maybe, but doesn’t obliterate it. I can feel things beneath, around the imprint. And they’re so much more real. I can tell that, even though this isn’t as powerful, it’s the truth.

You’re sure about this, Sam? Sure that you want me to do it? You aren’t going to change your mind tomorrow, go back to her, beg her forgiveness and watch her grant it? Because I’d never let that happen. I won’t do this if you’re going to revoke it. I don’t know if I could bear it. I don’t want to be part of that, I don’t want to help you tear me apart again.

I will not betray you, Leah. His voice is like iron, sure and strong. It’s the Alpha’s voice, the double tone I can’t turn against. Well, I can’t turn against Sam anyway. It doesn’t have to be physically impossible for him to compel me.

Yet, though no pack member could defy such a sure order, he’s certainly not commanding me. It sounds almost as though he’s forcing himself.

Yeah. In a way, I guess I am. Not that I’m not sure of what I want, Leah. I want you, that much I know. But… I don’t know if the imprint’s going to come back. I don’t know when it’s going to overcome me again, so I can’t fight it back. I want you to stop me, if I start to… remind me of this. Show me how happy I’ve been and will be with you. Make me know what I really want. Don’t let me do this again.

How… oh, God, it hurts so much to even think of this. But… How do I know this is what you really want? How can be certain that Emily isn’t what you really want?

Because I wanted you first. And I never stopped, Lee-Lee. Occasionally, maybe the strength of the imprint covered the other things, the real feelings, but I could always feel this. I always missed this, it always hurt, and know… I’m sorry I ever thought to turn away, Leah. I wished I’d fought it then, even though it was so strong, so unimaginably strong, and I probably couldn’t have fought it. But I should have tried. I’ll never forgive myself for not trying. You deserved it, Lee.

Thank you.

Of course.