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Tearing Me Apart

Summary:
Emily/Sam/Leah multi-chaptered fic. Set post-BD, Sam decides to find some of those acquaintances of Carlisle's and take them down. He has a new lead on the human killers, and goes on a three-week trip to get to them. Who does he elect to bring with him? The one pack member who has nothing to loose. Anymore. Leah Clearwater runs with him in dead silence, until one day she breaks down and reveals the truth. He finds he has a choice to make... again.


Notes:
So... my first multi-chaptered Sam/Leah. all the others have been one-shots. and this one may actually have a happy ending. Spoilers for BD. Adult for Leah's naughty words and possibly some innuendo in later chapters.


12. Chapter 12

Rating 5/5   Word Count 677   Review this Chapter

I phase back when we reach Forks. I’m going to leave my nerve if I talk to Sam again.

I know what’s going to happen because of this. It’s really too clear. I’m either going to fail, or if I somehow talk Emily around, Sam’s going to be paralyzed by how much it hurts. I’m not a fool, I know he can’t get out of this without breaking himself. The bonds of the imprint go too deep. He’ll have to cut so much of himself out to get free.

I can’t imagine he’ll forgive me for this. He may get out of this. He may live free. He may fall in love for real.

But it won’t be with me.

He’s going to hate me now. It’s the way it has to be. The way it’s doomed to be.

Emily will hate me too. The pack won’t understand, they’ll blame my selfishness again, that fault that doesn’t even exist. Jared and Quil especially, but all of them, will despise me for rocking imprinting. That damn all-holy foundation of their world. Which destroyed mine, but who cares about me, really?

I’ll be even more hated, but what do I care? What do I care?

I’m going to do this for Sam. He deserves a choice. He deserves to be fought for, and he wouldn’t, now can’t, fight for himself. I have to do this for him. I can’t let him lose everything that makes him Sam. I have to let him live, for real, free, with all the choices any other person has, no matter what it costs me.

If he and Emily go from pitying me to hating me, what do I care? It’s better anyway. I’d rather be despised than have him feel sorry for me. Isn’t that why I’m such a bitch all the time?

No. If I’m being honest, it’s because I don’t want the others to blame him, to hate him. I’m doing it for him, I’m doing everything for him, still trying my best now the war is over and done, when the battle’s lost and won, when there’s no hope, no hope, I still can’t stop this.

Why can’t I let go? Why can’t I give up?

It’s damn unhealthy, that’s what it is. I’m ruining my life over this guy who’s never wanted me in the first place, never loved me enough to fight for me, and I lost him and for God’s sake I should just get over him already but I can’t. I can’t live without him. I can’t.

I swing by my house. Fortunately, Mom and Seth are both out. I can’t deal with them right now, I don’t think. It’s much easier to just quickly change clothes, brush my teeth, grab a snack- real food, I’ve missed it so much, and run down to Emily’s house.

Sam’s house.

I try not to think too hard about that.

I ring the doorbell. She comes to the door quickly.

My best friend. My destroyer. My sister. My enemy.

Her face suits her. Half beautiful and half hideous. Half everything I miss from my old life and half the monstrous marks of this empty new one.

“Hey, Emily.”

She smiles as much as she can. “You’re back? Is Sam?”

Bitch. She’s really not that sensitive, is she? ‘Is your soul mate back? I want to make out with him some.’

“No, Sam’s out running patrol, and we’re not back permanently. We’ve still got some of those Irish leeches to deal with. He just wanted me to come talk to you.”

“He’s all right?”

“I guess.”

Panic flashes in her eyes. “He’s hurt?”

“Not really. Can I come in, Em? I think it would be better if we have this talk… carefully.”

She leads me into the living room, and I brace myself.