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Tearing Me Apart

Summary:
Emily/Sam/Leah multi-chaptered fic. Set post-BD, Sam decides to find some of those acquaintances of Carlisle's and take them down. He has a new lead on the human killers, and goes on a three-week trip to get to them. Who does he elect to bring with him? The one pack member who has nothing to loose. Anymore. Leah Clearwater runs with him in dead silence, until one day she breaks down and reveals the truth. He finds he has a choice to make... again.


Notes:
So... my first multi-chaptered Sam/Leah. all the others have been one-shots. and this one may actually have a happy ending. Spoilers for BD. Adult for Leah's naughty words and possibly some innuendo in later chapters.


6. Chapter 6

Rating 0/5   Word Count 707   Review this Chapter

I want to rage at him, punch him in the face and scream like I’ve been doing for years any time anyone tries to be nice to me. It’s almost a gut reaction now. I want to burst into tears and break down for once. I’ve been holding it in for so long that I’m close to bursting. I want to throw myself into his arms and press myself against him, just touching him, holding him close, claiming him.

I stand, silently, still. I don’t act on impulse anymore, not ever. I think everything through because if I don’t I’ll end up breaking every wall I’ve built in my heart, the ones that don’t hide things but keep me standing up, let me go on living no matter how much it hurts just to breathe in, breathe out…

I sound delirious. Insane. I’m thinking too hard because this is too much. I never considered this. I don’t know what to say to him, not now. This is nowhere in the script.

“Will you phase back?” he asks gently. “Please?”

I obey. How am I supposed to say no to him? It’s Sam. He’s like a dream, a fairytale.

Everything I want…

I’m trying to forget the other half of that.

And everything I can’t have.

Everything I’ll never have again. No matter what he says, there really isn’t any hope. But still, I have to try. I have to do what he asks just to thank him for saying it, to thank him for that lie that gave me hope again.

Damn him for that! I don’t know how I’m supposed to survive trying to trust someone again.

“Leah,” he whispers, stepping towards me as I shimmer into my skin.

“Don’t touch me,” I order quietly, but firmly. My voice is clipped. I’m glad we’re human, so he can’t hear, If you touch me I’m not going to be able to keep my own hands off you.

“I’m sorry.”

Again, I’m glad we aren’t phased. This time, it’s his mind I want no part of. I can’t bear to see his misdirected guilt once again. “It’s all right.”

He stays close by, though, so that if I moved my hand even a little it’d be touching his arm. I want, more than anything else, in that single second to jerk my fingers forward, to trace the muscles of his bicep, to brush my fingertips against his skin, to feel the heartbeat in his veins—I wouldn’t ask for anything more than that.

I don’t let myself move.

“Talk to me, Lee… Leah. Tell me what’s wrong. Should I have kept the truth from you? Is it worse like this, knowing that I want you as much as you want me? That I love you too?”

“Love on, and I will requite thee,” I murmur, dredging up a really old English assignment. He’d sat behind me in that class, freshman year, the second year we dated. Jesus, we went out from eighth grade until graduation. That’s bizarre.

Heartbreaking.

He’d laughed at the teacher’s bad moustache, I remember. But he’d also gotten a hundred on the test. He’d recognize the reference.

Much Ado About Nothing- a comedy. The comedies always end with two weddings. The tragedies always end with four deaths.

“Where’s my happy ending, Sam? What do I get out of this, except knowing that it’s hurting you too? I’m not sure that’s so much better, you know. I’m not sure I can live with that, trying to convince myself to live on without you when we’re both dying to have each other.”

“Don’t,” he hisses.

“What?”

“Don’t… what you’re suggesting. Don’t hurt yourself because of me. Please.”

“Oh, hell, Sam, I’m not that selfish. I couldn’t do that to Seth and Mom. They’ve just lost Dad, they need me.” I shrug. “Not that I’m great company, but I think they like the idea of having me around, at least.”

“I like having you around.”

“Yeah, well, you’re insane,” I retort, trying to avoid the strange and almost-painful swelling of my heart.