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Tearing Me Apart

Summary:
Emily/Sam/Leah multi-chaptered fic. Set post-BD, Sam decides to find some of those acquaintances of Carlisle's and take them down. He has a new lead on the human killers, and goes on a three-week trip to get to them. Who does he elect to bring with him? The one pack member who has nothing to loose. Anymore. Leah Clearwater runs with him in dead silence, until one day she breaks down and reveals the truth. He finds he has a choice to make... again.


Notes:
So... my first multi-chaptered Sam/Leah. all the others have been one-shots. and this one may actually have a happy ending. Spoilers for BD. Adult for Leah's naughty words and possibly some innuendo in later chapters.


9. Chapter 9

Rating 5/5   Word Count 851   Review this Chapter

I wake up wincing in the morning. Fucking dreams. Today’s going to be damn near impossible to get through.

Then I feel a warm pressure on my face. Seth’s trying to wake me up. I grumble, and open my eyes.

“Sam?” I gasp. So it wasn’t a dream? He’s… really here?

He loves me. He still loves me. Dear God, Sam’s still in love with me.

I take one second to savor that, reveling in the unfamiliar feeling of actual happiness. I smile cautiously.

“Sleep all right, Lee-lee?”

“Better… than I have in years.”

I look up at Sam. For a second, I just let my gaze linger on his face. Fuck, he’s beautiful. I’m vaguely aware that I’m staring at him, but I don’t really care at this point. I’m not sure why it’s so striking at this moment. After all, I spend most of my time with the pack. Maybe it’s that the pain has dulled so much. I can look at him and think, not ‘traitor,’ but ‘love’.

Then I see the look in his eyes.

He’s staring at my face in agony.

I sit bolt upright.

Shit.

I knew this was coming, of course. My life has to suck as much as possible, it’s some ineffable divine plan. Before the whole catastrophe started, Sam was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I knew it was too much to hope for that I’d get him back.

Besides, he’s imprinted, he can’t leave Emily, she’s the center of his world, bla bla bla.

“Sam?” I ask, and I can hear the panic in my voice. I choke it back. The moment has passed. I’m alone again, and I can’t let him know how much it hurts. “What’s wrong?”

“Tell me what it was like,” he whispers, voice hoarse. “Please.”

Now, that wasn’t exactly what I was expecting. “Huh?”

“I always knew it would hurt you. But… you’re so strong, Leah. I used to think, maybe you’d be okay. Now… well, I was wrong, wasn’t I?”

“I already showed you, Sam. That’s everything.”

“No, I want you to tell me.”

“Why?”

“Because I deserve to know.”

I’m about to inform him that I don’t owe him another fucking thing when I realize he doesn’t mean it like that. He’s wincing, like he expects a blow. He doesn’t want to know to make himself feel better. He’s trying to punish himself for hurting me.

I nod, slowly. And then I begin.

“Sam, did it have to be my sister? I mean, honestly. I get that you broke my heart, that you never really loved me, that you were lying all along. Fine. Whatever. But my own sister? Couldn’t you have picked someone else? Anyone else? Yeah, yeah, you don’t get a choice. I know. But that doesn’t make it suck any less. And do you have to think about it all the time? The pack thinks I’m nasty and bitter, whatever, but at least I have a good reason for thinking like that. You moon over Em all the time, just because it’s fun for you. Did you ever stop to think about how much that hurts me? No. You don’t. Because no one even considers me a person anymore. Well, I guess that makes sense, since I hardly am one. I’m just a big jumbled mess of pain and werewolf and it hurts. It all just hurts so fucking much and I’m dealing with it the best I can but it’s not going to go away, it’s never going to go away, and I’m pretty sure of that. The only things that can make it better is if my dad comes back to life or you come back to me and frankly at this point I’m… I’m not sure what I believe would happen first… I… God…”

Suddenly, I realize that I’m crying. There’s a thick moisture in my throat, a haze in my eyes.

I didn’t cry at my father’s funeral. I didn’t cry when I realized what I’d become. I didn’t cry the day Emily asked me to be a bridesmaid. I didn’t cry when Jacob Black imprinted and betrayed the only friendship I had left.

I haven’t cried since Sam broke up with me, not one single tear. I’ve broken bones and lost loved ones and suffered taunts and agonies but I’ve never cried.

Until now. The tears are pouring out, I’m shaking, I’m gasping for breath, and suddenly Sam’s arms are around me, and he’s pressing his cheek to the top of my head and holding me close and he’s trembling too, I feel the tears land in my too-short hair, Sam is crying for me.

“Christ, Leah, I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I wish there were better words for it, bigger ones, but… If I could…”

“You can’t,” I say softly, with all the weight of true despair.