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If I should die...

Summary:
How would twilight be different if Bella had a disease and was dying before she came to Forks? Would it shake Edwards resolve to change her if he knew that they would only have a short time together.


Notes:


1. Hard Goodbyes

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1490   Review this Chapter

I stared into my mother’s wild eyes and attempted to sooth her, again.

“Mom this is what I want to do.” I whispered.

“Please stay Bella. We will find a way.” She pleaded.

I hugged her again feeling my resolve waver. No! This is what I would do. I would not force my mother to watch me die or take the last moments I have way from my father, Charlie.

“Bella we could find a different doctor, there are experimental treatments. PLEASE!” she pleaded seeing the resolve wavering in my eyes.

Hot tears quickly streaked down her cheeks as the torrent of her emotion broke loose; her shoulders shook with uncontrolled sobs.

“Mom, we have done everything we can. I will not take this time away from Charlie and I will not have you suffer with me anymore as I die.” I whispered fiercely.

On my last word my mother’s arms tightened around me, shaking me with the force of her uncontrolled grief. I looked around taking a deep breath, hoping to hold back the tears that were stinging my eyes. Other passengers started to stare at my mother wailing in my arms. I sought Phil’s eyes pleadingly. He nodded at me knowingly; silent tears of his own sliding down his cheeks. He walked forward slowly gently peeling my mother out of my arms. She looked at me one last time, with swollen blood shot eyes, before boring her head into Phil’s shoulder.

“Mom I love you. I will always love you.” I whispered kissing her on her exposed cheek.

“Take care of her.” I said to Phil wrapping my arms around them both before bolting into the terminal gate.

I held my tears, as I stumbled my way into my seat on the plane. As soon as the plane was in the air I half ran to the bathroom stumbling twice. I slowly sat down before letting the tears flow freely.

This is the last time that I would allow myself to cry. I knew it was unfair to take away the last few months of life I had to live from my mother. But I could not let her watch me die. It was not something that I was sure that she could fully handle.

The doctor had told me that I was terminal. I had known for most of my short life that it was always a possibility and now all I could do was accept that. The cancer that had plagued me for 7 years was going to kill me and there was nothing they could do. I had accepted that fact now all I could do was live with it for the short time I had left.

Considering the fact, I had given my mother seventeen years of my life, watching her, comforting her, and caring for her. I could not stand to watch her grieve and pity me anymore. I had decided that I would spend the remaining six months that I had with my father. I would give him what time I could to share with me before I was too sick.

Then I would go away and die in a hospital alone. I was not giving up, I would still fight for the time I had left, but I was accepting the inevitable. I would not be made to suffer anymore than I already had. With that determination in my mind I wiped off the last of the tears and returned to my seat.

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Charlie waited for me outside of the terminal in Seattle. He quickly opened his arms as stumbled into them.

“It’s good to see you Bells.” He said smiling warmly at me just a slight tension in the creases of his eyes.

“You to Dad.” I smiled up at him.

He ushered me out of the airport one arm close ready to catch me if I trip. We made it safely back to his cruiser. We were silent for a long time as the road slowly passed us by.

“I got you all set up for school and bought you a truck”

“Thanks Dad but you didn’t have to do that”

“I wanted to Bella. It’s the least I could do.” He whispered his voice breaking slightly on the last word.

“Dad I" but I could not finish the statement. I was not going to cry anymore, taking a deep breath I turned in my seat to look at him.

“Dad I know this is hard but I don’t want the time I have left to be sad. I don’t want to be pitied anymore. I want to be as normal as possible with you. So I will go to school and you to work and we will be together. Isn’t that better?" I asked trying to remain calm.

“Yes” he exclaimed gruffly holding back tears.

“You kept your promise right?”

I had made Charlie promise me when I had called him with the news and my decision that he would tell no one. As far as the town of Forks was concerned I was finally coming to live with my father.

Nothing had changed, my condition was still supposed to be in remission. Hoping, that since I had been in remission for so long, that no one would realize the truth of why I was really coming to stay with him. I had also forced him to tell everyone, that Renee and Phil would be on the road for a while so I was coming to stay with him for the year, just in case.

“Yes.”

“But I do want to talk to a doctor in town, just in case.” his voice broke again before adding “He is very quiet man and medical records are confidential so it will not be a problem to keep your secret.”

He knew I was about to argue. I knew all the doctors from my summers here in Forks and I would not say that any were what you would call tight lipped but if this man was new then maybe it wouldn’t be a problem.

“Who?”

“His name is Carlisle Cullen. He is a brilliant doctor. He and his family moved to town a couple of years ago. You have never met him before and I promise that he won’t say anthing Bells.” Charlie said eyeing me reading the argument in my eyes.

“I just don’t want to be pitied Dad. Been there done that.” I stated giving in.

If this would make him feel better about the whole thing then who was I to argue with him anymore. He was right anyway it would be better to have a doctor close by just incase. I did not want Charlie to have to deal with me if something happened quicker than expected. Hopefully this Carlisle Cullen would be able to send me to a hosptal were I could fade away on my own. I was not going to have my family suffer along with me anymore than they had to. This would be my final wish from them.

Charlie smiled at me then glad that I had given in and not had the fit that I was sure he expected coming. I grudgingly smiled back.

The rest of the trip went by in a companionable silence.

We pulled up to Charlie’s house quietly. I noticed the old rusted out Chevy in the driveway. I had to smile to myself my father did know me to well. This mammoth beast with it bulbous fenders and solid iron body would do just fine for someone coordinationally challenged and prone to klutziness like me. I smiled at him and quietly thanked him again. He seemed like he was going to hug me but then changed his mind and unloaded my stuff into the house.

That night I sat on my small bed and watched the rain slowly slide down the window pane in my small little room. I hated the rain but it somehow seemed to sooth me now. It was funny with as much as I had always hated Forks that at this very moment it shadowed my mood rather well. I pulled my knees a little closer to my body slowly laying my cheek against the soft fabric of my sweats.

I had promised Charlie that, since I was not scheduled to start school until Monday, I would go talk to this Carlisle Cullen that he was so bound and determined for me to see. I wasn’t exactly sure what Charlie had told him about my condition but if it would make him happy then why not. I didn’t really see how he could help too much since he was only an emergency room doctor but if he would keep this quiet, I would very much appreciate that, at least. With a resound sigh, I pulled back my quilt and closed my eyes willing the fear, that I knew would take me in dreams, away. It could not be so very bad to die. Could it?