Text Size Large SizeMedium SizeSmall Size    Color Scheme Black SchemeWhite SchemeGrey SchemePaper Scheme        

If I should die...

Summary:
How would twilight be different if Bella had a disease and was dying before she came to Forks? Would it shake Edwards resolve to change her if he knew that they would only have a short time together.


Notes:


5. Chapter 5

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2387   Review this Chapter

We walked in silence for most of the morning quickly collecting our plant specimens. While we were looking for our last one, I knew that I was going to have to sit down soon. Though I had been hoping to avoid it, I felt like I had run a 10K race at record time instead of casually strolling along a path.

I could feel the clammy sweat rolling down the back of my neck with each new step that we took, even though the day was quite brisk. My breathing was becoming labored and I knew that Edward had to hear it because he had slowed the pace of our walking. But now even the slow pace was not helping.

I was just about to admit my weakness, when my foot caught on a tree root. I stumbled forward sucking in a painfully deep breath. My lungs rebelled against the onslaught of cold wet air, affectively cutting off my oxygen. I was vaguely aware that Edward grabbed my arm to stop me from face planting into the dirt. More focused on the fact, that I couldn’t breathe.

“Bella!” Edward gasped in alarm as I coughed and sputtered trying to get fresh air into my lungs.

I tried to relax my body enough to stop the spam. Doubling over, I focused on taking painful breaths through my nose as other students started to rush towards us in panic.

“I need to sit.” I sputtered between spasms looking pleadingly at Edward as other students shouted my name.

“Is she alright?” Angela questioned running towards us with Mike and Jessica in tow.

I threw a desperate look to Edward before he turned to Angela with an angelic smile murmuring, “Asthma. She’ll be fine. She just needs to sit.”

Angela muttered some response I didn’t catch as she and the other students slowly sauntered back to the task at hand. Edward still gripping my arm slowly ushered me towards a fallen tree to sit on.

“Are you alright?” he whispered worry coloring his voice as I collapsed onto the makeshift bench leaning my head against the cool bark of the tree closing my eyes.

“I’ll be fine. I just need to rest a minute.” I muttered trying to steady my voice. The worst was over but sitting would help me recoup what little strength I had to make it through the rest of the trip.

While concentrating on taking slow breaths through my nose, I heard Edward take a seat somewhere close by.

“You should have told me you needed to sit.” Edwards musical voice whispered almost angrily as I opened my eyes to look at him.

He was sitting on the fallen tree as far away from me as possible, worry marring his gorgeous face.

“I was about to.” I stated still sounding breathless trying to smile reassuringly. But I was certain that was not conveyed because Edward grimaced possibly looking more concerned than before.

“Really, it will be fine.” I reassured before adding, “This is not the first time this has happened.”

“Does this happen a lot?” He asked his voice laced with the worry so evident on his face.

“No, not really.” I murmured between steadying breaths, “but…” I stopped suddenly wincing as I looked into his topaz eyes, realizing that I was about the wade into the murky waters that were my deepest fears.

Considering that I had already been worrying about the fact that all my symptoms were progressing at a very rapid rate but I had been able to keep this fact from Charlie and Renee. There was no reason that I needed to open the flood gates to the gorgeous boy next sitting beside me, who could barely stand me.

“But what?” he asked insistently his hypnotic eyes probing into mine fiercely. Effectively accelerating my heart and stealing my already weak breath.

The depth of his gaze entranced me, so I was unable to look away. I blurted out the truth before a coherent thought could enter my head, “But it’s getting worse.”

Thankfully, he looked away from me then as I again focused on taking steady breaths. I watched him as he took his own unsteady breath.

“How long?” He asked almost wistfully. It took me a moment to realize what he was asking but then it struck me that he wanted to know how long I had to live. I was slightly relieved that he had not asked the question out right since there were still other students around shooting concerned glances in our direction.

My eyebrows rose in surprise flushing slightly as I answered, “It depends really.”

“What do you mean?” he asked looking back at me his expression void of all emotion.

“Well the doctor in Phoenix said at best guess six months. It may be as little as six weeks or as much as a year.” I stated calmly waiting for some reaction from him. His eyes flickered slightly with something maybe sadness but it was gone so quickly that I had no time to interpret the emotion so I added smiling, “It all depends. But I am sure you know that, a doctor’s son and all.”

“Right.” He murmured dazzling me again with his beautiful crooked smile.

We continued to stare at one another until he abruptly looked away from me again. I looked towards the path before closing my eyes to concentrate on my breathing once more. I opened my eyes about to suggest that we get on our way but he was staring at me with frustration coloring his eyes.

“What?” I asked tilting my head slightly to the left never removing my eyes from his.

“You take this all so coolly. It seems quite unnatural.” He whispered his eyes piercing mine again. I could feel my blush creeping back up to a nice scarlet as my heart accelerated.

I just looked at him for a few minutes trying to figure out if I should answer his question or walk away now. I had already revealed so much about myself in an attempt to get him to like me. But did I really want him to understand me? I knew the answer right away. I did I wanted him to understand me. I wanted someone to understand.

“What should I do?” I asked smiling slightly before whispering, “Should I be angry or sad. What’s the point? I could curse god or the world for what I am going through but wouldn’t make any difference. I would still be dying and the world will still go on. All that will do is make me more miserable.”

He just stared at me with an expression that I couldn’t place or understand. I looked away from him then knowing that I had to get away from him. I could very easily fall in love with this strange boy who it was so easy for me to talk to and that would be a huge mistake. I could never give him anything but heartache.

As if this beautiful god would really care about someone as pathetic as you a dark voice whispered in the back of my head. I stared down at my hands as tears began to sting my eyes. I knew the voice was right. I was being a complete idiot.

I stood up quickly afraid to look at Edward as I muttered, “I am not feeling all that well. I think I am going to go back to the bus.”

I began to walk back towards the path but Edward was beside me before I could even make two steps. I didn’t look up at him but I could see his shoes next to mine as I watched my feet.

“I’m sorry if I have upset you.” He whispered quietly in his wonderful velvet voice. I could hear the remorse very evident in his voice.

“No you didn’t. I’m just really tired.” I whispered trying to smile reassuringly but still could not look up at him. But I could feel his eyes boring into my face so I knew he would see the gesture.

“Bella.” He said very gently grabbing my arm to stop me. My heart picked up at the contact but I was not prepared for what he did next. His cool marble fingers touched my chin forcing my face to look up at him. The feeling that coursed through my body was electric. The sensation of it shocked me and I quickly jerked my face way staring into his eyes, mine wide with confusion.

“I am so sorry.” He muttered becoming a statue before me. I just continued to stare at him as I watched the emotions play across his beautiful face. Confusion, excitement, remorse then finally loathing but for who I could not be sure. Loathing because of me or was that self loathing. I just continued to stare at him trying to make sense of his emotions and mine.

I realized then that my lungs hurt and I knew why. I was holding my breath, so I quickly breathed out. Then Edwards face so close to mine suddenly looked in intense pain. I blinked confused beyond words and he was gone.

I looked around trying to find him. I closed my eyes again shaking my head trying to clear the odd daze that had filled it the moment that Edward had touched my face. When I opened them Edward was still gone and so were the rest of the students I realized as panic set in.

In the time that Edward and I had been talking the rest of the students had gone on to try to find there plant specimens. I took a quick calming breath as I made my way back to the path just ahead of me. I only wanted to think about what had just happened between Edward and me. But I knew that I needed to get back on the path and head towards the bus before I got myself lost.

So I concentrated on my feet as I followed the path in what I hoped was the way back to the bus. I looked around me occasionally for other students but when I saw none after a few minutes I started to panic again. Taking quick breaths in my already weak lungs quickly made me light head. My hands went clammy and sweat beaded down my neck again from the panic and the weakness.

I looked up away from my feet focusing on my surroundings. The large green trees surrounding me all looked the same. I glanced around me looking for anything that I recognized when I realized the mistake I had made by looking away from my feet.

Suddenly, my left foot caught something throwing me face first into a tree. My head thudded off the tree as I stumbled backward grabbing my head. My internal balance upset by the head blow caused me to stumble slightly sideways. Before I could grab something to stop myself my feet lost all contact with the ground. My back slammed into the ground as the air was forced out of my lungs cutting off any scream that might have come. Then I was rolling like a snowball down a cliff gaining speed as I went. My limbs flailing wildly on the sides of my body. My wrist made sharp contact with something forcing it back until it snapped. Then I heard a scream escape my lips before my body stopped with a thud in the soft and squishy.

I laid there as time passed unable to open my eyes. Mentally calculating the condition that my body was in. My back was probably severely bruised as well as the rest of my body. My left ankle throbbed so it was probably sprained or broken. My right wrist was definitely broken, of that I was sure. I breathed in deeply waiting for the smell of blood to reach me. But I didn’t smell any so hopefully I did not have any deep cuts that might need stitches.

Slowly, using my good hand I pushed myself up into a sitting position. My head gave a sharp throb causing me to suck in a painful breath. I opened my eyes taking in my surroundings but everything was slightly blurred and green.

I had a concussion I noted with a grimace.

I looked around for several minutes trying to clear my head and figure out my next move. For lack of anything coming to me I looked down at my body running my good hand all over me checking for any blood. Thankfully I did not seem to be bleeding from anywhere so at least I wouldn’t be even more lightheaded.

The bush in front of me rustled slightly drawing my attention. I saw a large patch of brown meshing with the green. Adrenaline kicked in as I realized the brown was growling menacingly at me. I saw the something leap at me at the same moment someone shouted my name.

My head snapped painfully to the sound to see Edward and Alice standing at the top of the hill that I had just tumbled down with matching looks of horror. Edward moved more quickly than humanly possible to collide with the creature in mid air. I blinked and Alice was by my side talking to me. I tried to focus on her but I could not keep my eyes on her as I focused on Edward as he and the brown monster snarled and growled at one another. Then Edward was on the creatures back before throwing it effortlessly into a nearby tree. The tree snapped as the creature crumbled to the ground.

Instantaneously, Edward was at my side looking down at me with deep concern.

“Bella.” He shouted at me. I could see his lips move but his voice sounded very far away as heaviness settled into my body.

“Bella, are you alright?” Alice asked next to me. I turned to look at her afraid to pull my eyes away from Edwards. But I finally looked at her face. My fuzzy head noted that she looked very worried even scared. I knew I had to sooth her. With extreme effort I raised my good hand to touch her face.

“Fine.” I mumbled trying to smile before my head throbbed excruciatingly and everything went black.