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Desperate

Summary:
Rosalie's actions in Breaking Dawn are considered atrocious by some. But how would they react if they truly understood her motives? This is Rosalie's chance to tell her story. Warning: while the first two chapters can stand on their own, without spoilers, the rest of the fic will have major Breaking Dawn Spoilers.


Notes:
Story Notes:Disclaimer: I don’t own Twilight, Rosalie, Bella, Emmett, or really anything except some of the cool phrasing that I might steal for my own use someday… Nah. Stephenie Meyer owns it all.


2. Chapter 2

Rating 0/5   Word Count 1211   Review this Chapter

Chapter Two

Rosalie had spent a lot more time in the garage recently. Order, organization, control… She had to gain them back. After she worked in The Book, she always felt unbalanced, and had to rid herself of the disorganization. So she purged herself of the inner turmoil by working it through with physical labor. Emmett was helping her, by just being there, lending her strength.

Emmett never spoke about The Book after that unless Rosalie brought it up, which she almost never did. She was glad that Emmett sensed her unwillingness to think of it, to speak of it. Their relationship had not changed; her secret had not hurt him. Instead, he was closer than ever. They spent more time together in silence, just needing to be near each other. An unspoken understanding showed in every movement, every action towards each other.

Right now, as Rosalie made sure that the cars were in perfect condition, Emmett stood nearby, watching her. The silence was comfortable, as if they each knew what they were thinking, and no words were needed.

She couldn’t imagine losing him. Not even when the newborns were coming. Either she would die, or Emmett would live. There were no other options.

She smiled. Her thoughts were certainly grim today. No wonder she needed to work. Rosalie shoved her thoughts away and forced herself to list every part that she needed in Alice’s new Porsche, and every tool that went along with it. Rags for the oils spots under the hood, a ratchet for the bolt that could be tightened a half turn…

Something glistened on the metal just below Rosalie, and she reached down with her finger to touch it. It was only a spot of oil, shaped like a teardrop, and Rosalie wondered why she was suddenly feeling empty again. How could she still hope that it was her tear on the engine? Hadn’t she learned after all this time that it was impossible? Rosalie quickly wiped it away, but not before the shuddering sigh escaped her.

Bella was an idiot for giving her life up.

Emmett was at her side in a moment. “Rosalie?”

She closed the hood and turned to him. “I’m fine, Emmett. Really. I’m just… my thoughts won’t leave me alone.”

“Are you alright?” he asked.

She smiled a little at his concern. “As much as I will ever be.”

He was silent for a moment, considering this. “It’s not enough, is it? Me being here with you isn’t enough.”

Rosalie looked him in the eyes. “No. You are all I live for. The rest is just silly and stupid.”

“No, Rosalie, it isn’t silly or stupid. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

She snorted derisively. “How can she leave behind her human life? How can she want this?” she asked Emmett, her arms gesturing towards herself.

He knew she was talking about Bella. She could see it registering in his eyes, turning to sadness again. “She doesn’t want that, Rosalie. She wants Edward.”

“I still don’t understand. She has him. Why would she want to be a vampire?” Why would she give up so much worth living for? It was beyond Rosalie’s capability to grasp the concept. “How could she choose so wrongly?”

“That’s not what this is about, is it?” Emmett asked her slowly.

Rosalie stared at him. “What do you mean?”

He sighed, measuring his words. “Rosalie, if you could give everything up to have a child, would you?”

“Yesss…” she hissed softly with the last of the air in her lungs. The answer came without thought, without a second’s consideration of the context or the pain in Emmett’s eyes. The need was so much of a constant ache in her very being that she was always aware of it. To erase it… The relief would be stronger than soothing her thirst completely.

Emmett nodded, as if he had been expecting her answer. He watched her carefully before he asked the next question. “Would you really, Rose? Even if it meant leaving me?”

She froze. In her dreams, she and Emmett had been a given. The children had been their children, not just hers. Not…Emmett’s children?

Her mind took the treasured images of her children and stripped everything about Emmett from them. Not one of them looked like him anymore. She thought of all the memories she’d created of Emmett rocking a baby in his arms, of tickling the little girls to make them laugh, of chasing the boys around the yard… Her mind was left empty, bereft of her life-giving dreams and hopes.

Without Emmett, there was nothing. Without him, her existence was no longer worthwhile. How could she make that choice? She could no more leave him than leave this desire of hers behind.

“I don’t know,” she said finally.

Emmett’s mouth twisted into a grim smile. “I didn’t think you’d really considered that part of it.”

Rosalie whipped away from him, suddenly trying to control the urge to cry. Emmett moved to her side, speaking softly into her ear.

“I know this is hard for you to accept. But they have each other. For now, that’s all they want. They need each other like we need each other. Anything else is meaningless to them.”

“It won’t be. She’ll regret it, maybe not now, but someday she’ll wonder about the life she could have had, and then he’ll regret it forever.”

“Maybe it will be different for them.”

“You can’t be certain of that.”

“Neither can you.”

Rosalie turned to look at Emmett, at his concerned face. She took another breath. It was strange, how many of these human actions she relied on to keep her world steady. “I’m sorry to see this,” she said, her fingers against the corners of his eyes and ghosting along his creased forehead. “These lines. I don’t make you happy. I should have been less selfish. Never asked Carlisle…”

Emmett laughed, not out of humor, but out of shock, effectively cutting off her words. “Is that what you think? That I would be happier without you? No, Rosalie. The day I met you, my life began. Just because I worry about you does not mean that I would trade one day of sadness for a day of being alone.”

Rosalie shook her head. “But…”

Emmett stopped her again. “No, Rose. I hate to see you unhappy, it’s true. But it’s because I care about you. Just believe me. I don’t want to see you torture yourself for me. I know you’re torturing yourself because you can’t make Bella see things your way. But she will be happy. This is what she wants. You don’t need to blame yourself for letting her choose differently. You can’t make someone else choose what you would.”

She searched his eyes. “I know that, but it doesn’t stop the thoughts,” she said. “I will always wonder, whether or not I want to. Did I do everything, is this the right thing…”

“I can make those thoughts disappear,” he said, pulling her nearer and leaning forward slightly so that she was held tightly against him, pressing them together so close that Rosalie felt lost in her arms. There was no Rosalie, no Emmett, only the two of them, together, complete.

Rosalie blinked before she realized what he was offering, and then she pulled him down the rest of the way for his lips to meet hers.

“Please do,” she murmured when they broke apart. Together, they walked towards the house.