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Personal Sun

Summary:
They all prevail on her, all the people she loves, to make the right choice. Will she? A chaptered fic to explore the options Bella had at the end of Eclipse a little more fully. If she looks both ways... who does she choose?


Notes:
so i was rereading eclipse with my newly j/b shipping eyes (don't kill me!) and i decided bella really chose edward without thinking hard enough about it. also, as my friends at SortOfBeautiful would say, the universe ships Jacob/Bella. so i thought the universe should have a little chat with bells about that. no, i do not know how the story will end yet. it may be e/b or j/b. sort of depends on what my reviewers want.


10. Chapter 10

Rating 5/5   Word Count 573   Review this Chapter

“Billy?” I ask softly, as he opens the door.

His eyes are far from friendly. “Hello, Bella.”

“Billy, is Jake here?”

“Upstairs. But he’s sleeping,” he says curtly, and moves to close the door.

With a daring I didn’t know I had, I catch the door on its knob and step inside. “I think this is worth waking him up for.”

He takes a long, hard look at me. Like he’s about to protest that I have no idea what’s good for Jake, haven’t I proved that, haven’t I hurt him so much too much… and then he sees it in my eyes.

The pain, and the choice.

“Go on up, Bella,” he says. There’s a soft respect in his voice. I go, quickly mounting the stairs. I open the familiar door.

Jacob’s sprawled out on the bed. He isn’t sleeping, isn’t even visibly injured anymore, but he looks like he’s in agony. His face is neither crumpled nor twisted, but completely, perfectly smooth. His eyes, his happy, warm eyes, are dark, empty, matte black.

“Jake?” I whisper hesitantly.

God, what have I done?

He sits bolt upright instantly. His head almost hits the ceiling. “Bells? How long have you been there?”

“A couple seconds.” He laughs. How can he laugh at a time like this? How can he still wear that smile, my smile, when he’s in so much pain? It’s obvious that he’s suffering every bit as much as I did when Edward left me, as much as I’ll be hurting now as soon as I let the pain hit, but he just keeps that grin on his face.

“How’s everything going, Bells?”

“Well, that’s sort of why I’m here.” I walk over to his bed and sit on the edge of it. It’s a king-sized bed, to fit Jake on it, and nearly as big as the room. It only takes half a step to get there and my legs practically dangle out the door.

“You want to talk to me?” Hope flits across his face. Jacob’s always been easy to read. I watch him squelch it and wince to think that I’ve taken his hope away from Jake, along with everyone else.

“Yeah. About… Jake, I’m so sorry!” I exclaim, and the tears start. I’m crying, suddenly, sobbing, choking as water runs down my face. I dab helplessly at it with my shirt, until suddenly there’s a strong, soft hand running beneath my eyes. The heat of Jacob’s finger practically evaporates the tears.

“Don’t cry, honey. I don’t want you to cry.” He sits up, grabs me, and pulls me against the bare skin of his chest in one fluid motion. “I don’t care what this costs me, Bells. If you’re happy…” he takes a deep breath. “I’ll make it through. Just be happy.”

“No! Jake, I… why do you think I’m here?”

“You probably wanted to say goodbye. Y’know, give me the final verdict. ‘Sucks to be you, Jake, but I just can’t wait to be the new Mrs. Cullen!’… Sorry, Bells. That was mean. I… I… is it what you want?”

“No. No, no! That’s not why I’m here. To rub it in your face?” I laugh. “You probably believe I’m that cruel. No.” Deliberately, I lean forward and kiss his shoulder like I should have so long ago. “Jake, I’m here because… I thought about it, like you said. I thought and… and you’re right.”