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Personal Sun

Summary:
They all prevail on her, all the people she loves, to make the right choice. Will she? A chaptered fic to explore the options Bella had at the end of Eclipse a little more fully. If she looks both ways... who does she choose?


Notes:
so i was rereading eclipse with my newly j/b shipping eyes (don't kill me!) and i decided bella really chose edward without thinking hard enough about it. also, as my friends at SortOfBeautiful would say, the universe ships Jacob/Bella. so i thought the universe should have a little chat with bells about that. no, i do not know how the story will end yet. it may be e/b or j/b. sort of depends on what my reviewers want.


2. Chapter 2

Rating 5/5   Word Count 536   Review this Chapter

“Bells, are you all right?”

Charlie’s talking quietly, cautiously. I remember this particular tone of voice. It’s pretty distinctive. It’s the same careful voice he used around me back in the very darkest days of my life, without Edward, the days before he confronted me, before the numbness disappeared.

“I’m fine,” I whisper, hearing the familiar monotone I reply in. It shocks me. It shouldn’t be this empty, not when I have Edward! Not when I have everything I want. But Jacob’s pain has always been my pain.

Have I really done this to him? Is it as bad as it was for me? Really?

How can I live with myself, after this?

But Jacob has another soul mate out there. He belongs somewhere, to someone else, and he’ll be happy someday in another girl’s eyes. Imprinting, that weird, unfamiliar concept, has come to mean hope to me. Hope that I’m not such a monster after all, that Jake will find the one he’s meant for. Something to trump a soul mate.

“What happened?”

“I had to tell Jake some hard things. That’s all.”

He takes a long hard look at my face. “I hope you didn’t mess up his recovery.”

“Jake’s a quick healer,” I mutter, looking down. At least, I hope so, truly. And I have to believe it or I’ll just go insane. I can’t stand knowing I’ve become the heartbreaker in such a permanent way. I barely survived that, and I can’t stand to do it to another, especially not the person who saved me from that in the first place.

He looks at me and sighs. “Kid, look. I know you don’t like to hear about this, but it just isn’t… fair. I’m your dad, and I have responsibilities. Listen, Bells. I have to talk to you about this… it’s not fair, to let you go like this, let you be with him so… he destroyed you, Bells, and I don’t want that to happen to you again. I can’t let that happen to you. I love you, and I can’t let you make him the only thing you care about.”

“I care about you!” I start to protest.

“But you’d give it up for him, wouldn’t you?” he asks. “You’d do anything he asked, even if it meant loosing everyone else you love.”

I start to protest quickly, and I cut myself off. Because he’s right. Not only would I, I actually plan to. I’m going to leave him, leave everyone behind, without even a second thought, really. And it’s so unfair. To him, after he took me into his home and loved me, I’m going to act like that never happened, leave him behind and never speak to him again, maybe forget he was ever part of my life.

No, it’s not right. It’s not the right choice.

But I can’t… I can’t stand to be without Edward.

I need him.

Like a drug, my mind whispers.

Shut up, Jake, I whisper back.

“I’m sorry, Bells. Look… just warn me, okay? Before you run off with him. And promise me… you’ll visit? Or call or email or something, anything.”

I nod. “Yeah. I promise.”

And I really mean it.