Text Size Large SizeMedium SizeSmall Size    Color Scheme Black SchemeWhite SchemeGrey SchemePaper Scheme        

Personal Sun

Summary:
They all prevail on her, all the people she loves, to make the right choice. Will she? A chaptered fic to explore the options Bella had at the end of Eclipse a little more fully. If she looks both ways... who does she choose?


Notes:
so i was rereading eclipse with my newly j/b shipping eyes (don't kill me!) and i decided bella really chose edward without thinking hard enough about it. also, as my friends at SortOfBeautiful would say, the universe ships Jacob/Bella. so i thought the universe should have a little chat with bells about that. no, i do not know how the story will end yet. it may be e/b or j/b. sort of depends on what my reviewers want.


4. Edward

Rating 0/5   Word Count 594   Review this Chapter

He sits across from me, stiffly, watching with a strange fascination as I eat stiffly. He apparently spent all night reading restaurant reviews so he could find the right place for us. Sometimes, he’s too perfect.

The food’s good, but it’s a little awkward to be on a date and be the only one eating. I feel like a pig.

Unbidden, the thought drifts in: You eat like a mouse compared to Jake.

I drift it right back out. I am not going to leave Edward. Ever. At all. End of story.

“Bella,” Edward starts, and then shifts in his seat. I look up at him, and notice his face is tense and drawn. I groan.

“Not you, too. When will everybody just suck it up? I love you, Edward. That’s all that matters.” My voice is harsh. I’m practically yelling at him, because I’m sick of this. No one can accept my decision, and I won’t change my mind. I can’t.

“No. We have to talk about this, love.”

Talk?” Terror jolts through me. My whole body freezes up, and I grab the fork tighter, tight enough that it leaves marks in my hand, tight enough that it hurts, that I can feel the imprint of it in my skin.

He can’t leave me. He isn’t allowed to. “No…” I choke out. “No! You promised! Edward… please…”

The fear is almost irrational, how strong it is. I can’t live with out him. I can’t go through that pain again. I can’t let him destroy me again. The hole is back, pulsing just beneath my lungs, making it hard, impossible to breathe. I pant for air and my hands… blue with cold… like the sun has gone behind the earth forever.

“Bella, I’m not going to leave you. Unless you allow me to.”

“You want to leave me?”

“I want to get out of your life. I want to stop hurting you. I want you to find someone normal and human and have beautiful children and grow old together.”

I shake my head, staring at him. His eyes are like mirrors. They betray nothing, reflecting only my own horror back at me. “Edward, Jake’s a werewolf. He can’t get old. And he’s dangerous! You’ve said it yourself! I’m no safer with him than I am with you.”

“That’s not true. If you were with him, you could have a real life. Bella…”

I shake my head still more vigorously, and then close my eyes. “I don’t want a real life. I want you.”

“Please…”

“I have a question.”

His eyes glitter a little, a tiny bit of amusement, of life. “I have an answer.”

“Do you want to live without me? Selfishly? How much would it hurt you?”

He sighs heavily. “Would you like me to answer that question honestly?”

“Yes.” I have him cornered now. I smile a little to myself.

“It would hurt me less than this, than knowing what I am doing to you. I would rather be without you forever than take your soul, if it meant you could be happy without me.”
“Not happier.

“But content.”

I stare at him. “Edward, don’t.”

“I would go away. I would never bother you again. I would promise to live without you forever, even when you yourself had perished, Bella. I would watch from a distance. And if he were ever to imprint, I would be yours again.”

“No.”

“Consider it, love.”
“This conversation is over,” I snap.

He inclines his head a little, and then sighs. “As you wish.”