I should have stayed in Canada... Jangela
Started months before Breaking Dawn came out. This was really the pairing I wanted for Jacob. I'm happy with Nessie, but this would have made my year..
Rating 5/5 Word Count 1174 Review this Chapter
I should have stayed in Canada. I realized this as soon as I snuck into my room through the window to find some clothes. The house was empty. Billy obviously somewhere else. I just didn't know where at the moment. Pulling on a pair of faded jeans, I realized they were a little big. I was thinner from all that running and skipping meals. I decided to skip looking in the mirror for now, dreading what I might see.
I remembered looking in the mirror after the transformation and going numb at what I saw. Angry eyes, hard face. Things I had never been or had before. I didn't want to see how I looked now. How I had changed once again.
I headed into the kitchen to find some food. What I found on the refrigerator shocked me. The wedding invitation. That fucking wedding invitation that inspired my running away, hung by one of the few magnets we owned. I glared at it, before ripping it off and throwing it down at the table. By some twist of fate the invitation opened. The date was scrawled in fancy handwriting. July 5th.
I frowned and looked at the calendar hanging low on the wall where my father could reach it if he needed to. For as long as I could remember, he crossed off the days as they passed. My eyes narrowed. It was July 5th. Of all the days to decide to come back, it was this day. Was my life some sort of joke? I growled and tore the cardstock in half, throwing it into the trashcan. I took a deep breath.
I had a choice now. A choice I had to make. I had to go to the wedding, there was no stopping it. Everything in me was telling me to go. I had done a lot of thinking on my little...trip. I knew there was nothing I could do about this. That he made her happier than I ever could. It was just the way of the world. I was thinking like an adult. I shouldn't have to think like a goddamn adult!
I punched the table again and shook my head. I could go and make a big scene in front of everyone. Or I could go and congratulate her. Be the best friend she needed and wanted. I shook my head. I couldn't do that. I couldn't be her friend anymore. For both our sakes. My heart couldn't take it anymore. I'd go as the scorned lover then. The person she used and dropped. My sister had quite a few of those at her wedding, so it wasn't uncalled for to invite them.
I looked at the time. The wedding started at five. It was four right now. I sighed again and raced up the stairs and into my room. Digging through my closet, I finally found my one good pair of jeans and a white button of shirt that Sam had given me. It was a little tight, but not grossly so. I threw the articles of clothing on my bed and went into the bathroom. One glance in the mirror made me cringe. I was thinner and gaunt looking. Hard. My eyes were dim and even I could see the pain buried in them. I didn't like it. My hair was longer then ever and matted with twigs and leaves. I was covered in dirt and no doubt smelled really rank. I turned from my reflection and started the shower. I didn't even wait for it to heat up, before I stripped and stood under the spray. It felt good and human, to shower.
I had spent so much time not wanting to be human, and suddenly I was thriving for it. Something had called me home. I just had to figure out what that was. After I was sure I was completely clean, I dug around the cabinets until I found a comb. It was difficult work, de-tangling the mess and I found a new respect for long curly haired girls. After I got the twigs, leaves, and most of the tangles out, I pulled back into a pony tail and tramped into my room. The shirt didn't button all the way, but it did give me what Rebecca would call: mussed up sexy look.
All I needed was shoes and the only person who would have some in my size was Sam. Maybe I could sneak into his house and steal some? I didn't have time to deal with him, the wedding was in thirty minutes. I sighed and looked around my closet again. I found a pair of sneakers that were my size. They were brand new and sitting on top. My dad must have gotten them for me, in hopes that I would need shoes for the new school year. Feeling like a complete dog (no pun intended), I pulled on the shoes and dug my keys out of my desk drawer. As I walked to the garage, I regretted once again on coming back. Everything was easier when I had no one. Easier and lonelier. I was just as sad alone as I was with people. Why not stay away and not feel the guilt of putting them through my moping?
Why put yourself through the guilt of putting them through the pain of your absence?
Cue, the rational side of me. The side that loved and craved the brotherhood that was the pack. The side that nagged at me every time I rested to go back and make things right. The side that was probably right. I started the engine and it purred to life. I wondered who had been checking up on it as I pulled down the road. Hopefully no one I knew would see the identifying car.
I made it out of the reservation with no problem and drove the dreaded road to the Cullen house where the wedding was taking place. As I pulled up into the woods, still not sure if I wanted to be seen, I was greeted with white filmy material, silk and candles galore. The front yard had been transformed into a courtyard of pre-marital beauty. Even I had to admit it. That little one sure could decorate. I took a deep breath. This was it. I had to keep my cool so no one would get hurt. Keep my cool.
"We're going to me late, Seth."
The name snapped me from my meditation. I looked up to find Seth peering into the woods where my car was hidden. He was taller and broader, but his face was still open and he could still smile. His face was suspicious and a bit hopeful.
"Seth?" Sue called again. "What are you doing?"
"I thought I saw-never mind. You're right. We should go find our seats."
He turned away from me and I once again was left feeling guilty.