This is Recklessness in Edward's POV; it's quite a bit longer and has some extra scenes in it that are not in Bella's POV. As always though, it's a lot more interesting.
5. Chapter 5: Understanding
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We got to Bella's house and I parked next to the curb. "So, tomorrow...I'll come by after Charlie leaves."
"For?" To finally reveal my undying love for you and put an end to these games.
"That's for me to know and you to find out." I said, in a feigned smug tone. Could she hear how nervous I really was?
She scoffed, "I hate mind games." Guess not. Any vampire could have caught it easily. I never thought I'd be thanking God that she's human, but right now, I could not be more grateful.
"You think you do?" She didn't know the slightest thing about mind games.
She smirked and shrugged, "Sorry."
I smirked back, "It's not your fault." "Still...so, what did Emmett really think of me?" She clearly dreaded the answer, without needing to. She needn't have worried. I'd been alone so long, Emmett would have loved her right away anyways just because she made me happy. And she was incredibly strong for a human, which, Emmett immediately liked.
"Why do you ask?"
"You have an advantage that I don't."
I smiled, "He already sees you as his little sister." I forced myself to avoid the negative aspect of that as I continued on, "He wants to take over protecting you from me; he thinks he could do a better job."
Even as I said that, Emmett's voice came loud and clear in my head, 'Poor girl! I don't why she feels safe with you. I mean, come on, I am the strongest. Relying on you is a death sentence. I should take over. I would keep her completely protected.'
"I doubt it," I continued on, answering Emmett as well as continuing my conversation with Bella, "That's quite impossible."
She grimaced, "So, he liked me?" I chuckled, "I would venture to say yes. He loves you. He finds you interesting, and believe me, that's a compliment coming from him."
"What do you mean?" She asked, furrowing her eyebrows, in confusion. She was so cute when she was confused. I wished I could tell her that. But, I couldn't. Not now.
"Let's just say there's a reason he wound up with Rosalie." She simply stared at me and I smirked, "You'll see."
She nodded and leaned her head miserably against the headrest. "Do I have to go in?"
"No...I could always kidnap you." I said, wishing desperate that I could.
She looked at me: "I was kidding."
"Well, I wasn't; let's go." I forced a smile so I wouldn't scare her, and she chuckled. Then, she stared off into space blankly for a moment.
Eventually, the suspense was killing me, so I said, "What?"
She shook her head, still not looking at me, "I just...don't feel like going in yet." Then, she turned to look at me, "Hey, can we go to the park?"
I nodded, "Sure. Charlie's asleep anyway. He had a long day at work."
"Good. Let's go."
"You wanna explain what we're doing here?" I asked, as we walked around in the park, the suspense practically killing me.
"You'll see." She repeated my own words, revelling in my frustration, with a smug grin.
"That is so incredibly unfair." I groaned, irritably. "Just trust me." We walked up the hill and she stopped at the top, looking down at the swings.
"The swings?" I asked, confused.
"Charlie used to bring me here as a kid." She explained, "It was the one time we could ever truly express our feelings without feeling awkward. We used to race each other to the swings. He would always let me win."
She smiled, as if reliving a pleasant memory, and I stared at her, trying to read the memory on her expressions, having to create the memory in my own mind, as I could not see hers.
"Sounds great," I said, "That must have been so much fun for you."
"Yeah...except my hair was even longer than it is now. It always got caught in the chains."
I couldn't help but laugh, "Yeah, sounds about right....I bet you were a cute kid." I said, unable to control myself. With how beautiful she was now, there was no way she wasn't an adorable child. Picturing it, made me smile slightly, but she didn't notice.
She smiled, "Definitely my better years."
I rolled my eyes, "Whatever!" She could never comprehend how beyond impossible it was for anything to look better than she did at this very moment. I shook my head, irritated by her refusal to see what was only too obvious.
I stared at her in awe. How could one creature be so incredibly gorgeous and not know it? "So, what are we doing here?" I asked, trying to change the subject.
She shrugged, "Killin' time." She looked to the swings and then back at me. "You wanna race me?"
"That hardly seems fair."
"No cheating!" She said, firmly. Ah, how little she knew me. "Come on. Sometimes, it's fun to revert back to childhood."
I smirked and shook my head, amused by the thought of her actually taking me on. "I'll even give you headstart."
I watched as she took off as fast as her human legs would take her, stifling a snort at the impossibility of her beating me. I waited until she was mere feet from the swing before taking off and appearing in front of her not even half a second later, causing her to hit my chest and bounce off with a grunt.
"You...cheated!" She accused, out of breath, struggling to compose herself.
"I gave you headstart." I said, not at all affected by the run.
She grabbed onto the chain and doubled over to catch her breath, her heart racing uncontrollably.
"You okay?" I asked, now growing concerned.
"Yeah, I'll be all right. Just...give me a...minute. God, I haven't run like that in years."
"If it's any consolation, I'm very proud of you. You didn't fall down." She groaned, "Shut up! That's not funny."
"I think it's funny," I said, as she came back up and tried miserably to glare at me.
I smiled proudly and gestured for her to sit down on the swing. She did so, gripped the chains, and pushed herself back.
"You know...I never did learn how to push myself. It always frustrated me. I used to wish there was a button I could push so it would do it for me."
"What changed," I asked, watching her swing back and forth.
"Grew up," she said, carelessly. Oh, how I wished it was because she wanted me to do it for her! How pathetic had I become! Ah, to hell with it; pathetic or not, I was happy.
Without thinking, I went behind her and grabbed the bottom of the chains, holding the swing so close that her back was pressed against my chest.
She stopped breathing as my chest muscles flexed against her back and she began trembling. Damn it, Edward, pull yourself together, I scolded myself silently.
I placed my hand on the small of her back to steady her and whispered, into her ear, "You never outgrow the swings."
She stiffened, so I pulled back immediately and began lightly pushing her. "I should know. I'm 104-years-old and I still swing on the swings." She looked back at me, so I smiled my crooked smile and added, "Sometimes."
"That's quite impressive," she said jokingly, and I continued to push her.
I simply watched her in awe, trying desperately to know what she was thinking. I could not believe how amazing she made me feel - how could she not see, see how much I loved her? I wanted so much to tell her, but I didn't want to scare her off. I had always heard that girls scare easy when it came to commitment, but that was always just Emmett and Jasper trying to keep me from finding someone to make me feel better. I couldn't really know for myself - until now.
I could kiss her and see how she responded. We almost kissed at the house, but then were interrupted. (Note to self - kill Emmett later.)
Did she want to kiss me? Why the hell would she want to kiss me? Only one way to find out.
She turned around to look at me, struggling not to tremble. I stopped pushing her and simply held her there, staring at her intensely, hoping that would draw her to me, as it did at the house. In this moment, as she stared at me with nothing in her eyes but affection for me, I could almost believe that she was just as in love with me as I was with her. She hesitated slightly, tilting her head slightly to touch her lips to mine. My hand involuntarily dropped from the chain to her shoulder to deepen the kiss, when she stiffened up at my touch.
I stiffened and backed up several steps. "We'd better go." How dare I put her in this situation? What the hell was I thinking, thinking that she could ever want me, a monster? My heart sank into the pit of my stomach as the sting of rejection, and, worst of all, revulsion stinged at me like a thousand knives on fire.
She blinked, confused, and I turned and walked away, not able to be with her right now. I sped up miserably so she couldn't catch up. I was so STUPID - I should've known she didn't want to kiss me. What was my problem? I sighed and got into the car, hating myself for doing this to her.
When she finally got in, I sped off without a word to her.
I screeched to a stop outside her house and unlocked the doors. "Good night, Bella," I said, tightening my jaw, angry with myself.
"Good night - are you kidding me?" she said incredulously.
"What?" I asked, avoiding her eyes, afraid she'd be mad about the kiss.
"You wanna explain what just happened back there?"
Damn it, I knew it! "Not tonight. We'll talk tomorrow, Bella."
"But I -"
"I SAID good night," I said, jerking my head towards her. I had been through too much already - I couldn't do this right now too.
She exhaled shakily and nodded before saying, "'Night," in a small voice. She opened the door and got out, making her way up to the porch and into the house.
I watched her go in, listened as she got into her bedroom to make sure she made it ok, and then took off.
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