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Pictures of You

Summary:
The first of a series of one-shots. Edward never came back, and Bella found the pictures he left under her floor. Song fic based on the song "Pictures of You", by The Cure.


Notes:
I don't own Twilight, I don't own rights to the song. It's a very sad fic. I love it to death. But it's definitely not my best.


1. Pictures of You

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1131   Review this Chapter

Pictures of You

{I’ve been looking so long at these pictures ofyou

That I almost believe that they're real

I’vebeen living so long with my pictures of you

ThatI almost believe that the pictures are all I canfeel}

I found his pictures in December. They were bundled together under the floorboard – one I had never before noticed was loose. It took me a long time to look at them, thought I knew instantly what they were.

That and the CD – seeing them, remembering them hurt me. He hadn’t left a note, or a reason. Just the pictures and the CD. Small mementos, but they hurt to see. I put them high on a shelf in the back of my closet, not willing to look at them. I wasn’t willing to remember.

But I couldn’t hold out for long. A rainy day in February found me all alone, sitting in my room. I couldn’t go see Jake that day, as much as I wanted to. I’d been wanted to see him for a very long time, but I’d kept making excuses. Today was Valentine’s Day – how could I see him? How could I let him see me like this? Boredom and heartache found me taking the pictures down from the shelf, and bringing them back to my bed to sort through.

{Remembering you standing quiet in the rain

AsI ran to your heart to be near

And we kissed asthe sky fell in

Holding you close how

I alwaysheld close in your fear

Remembering yourunning soft through the night

You were biggerand brighter than the snow

Andscreamed at the make-believe screamed at thesky

And you finally found all your courage tolet it all go.}

At the first picture, I gasped. It was the picture that had bothered me so many months ago – the one of him standing with me in the kitchen, with his warm eyes and his easy smile. His arm wrapped lightly around me protectively, like he cared. I tried to soak in every detail of that perfect face, though my eyes blurred with tears and the picture went fuzzy.

No.

I shoved the picture away. In that moment, everything was crystal clear. I knew why he’d left me. Just a glance at my face next to his confirmed everything I’d always known. He was perfect. I was plain. He had every reason to leave me.

{Looking So long at these pictures of you

But Inever hold on to your heart

Looking so long forthe words to be true

But always just breaking apart my pictures of you}

The pictures stayed with me for a long time. After Jacob changed, I looked at them when he went out on runs with his pack brothers. It was like a guilty pleasure. I hated the pain, but it felt good to remember. It felt good to feel anything anymore. I knew Charlie was worried. He had gotten so used to my recovery that my sudden depression confused him. He hadn’t understood that I was never really healed. What he was seeing from me now, I knew, was what he had been waiting for when he had only just left me. Charlie wasn’t expecting to see it now.

The pictures became a part of me. When I was alone, I could look at them and remember. The pain started to fade around the edges, because in these memories I at least knew that he loved me. It was so clear in his eyes. I could sink into painful imaginings, in which everything was still okay.

{I’ve been looking so long at these pictures ofyou

That I almost believe that they're real

I’vebeen living so long with my pictures of you

ThatI almost believe that the pictures are all I canfeel

If only I had thought of the right words

I couldhave hold on to your heart

If only I’d thought ofthe right words

I wouldn't be breaking apart allmy pictures of you}

Then I would fall back into nightmare. I would remember why he left me, and I would wake screaming again. It was me, all along. I didn’t know why I let myself live those fantasies, because they hurt too much.

{Remembering you fallen into my arms

Cryingfor the death of your heart

You were stonewhite so delicate lost in the cold

You werealways so lost in the dark

Remembering youhow you used to be

Slow drowned you wereangels

So much more than everything oh

Holdfor the last time then slip away quietly

Openmy eyes but I never see anything

If only I had thought of the right words

I couldhave hold on to your heart

If only I’d thought ofthe right words

I wouldn't be breaking apart allmy pictures of you}

In one of my dreams, he lay beside me in bed and held me. It felt so real – the scent of him, the feel of his cool skin against me. I burrowed deeper into the cool circle of his arms, where I felt like I belonged. Being held by Jacob wasn’t like this – not at all. I loved Jacob, but he wasn’t Edward.

“Bella?” he whispered into my ear. I felt the chill of his breath down the back of my neck, and shivered in my sleep.

“Bella, I love you.”

I wanted it so badly to be true. My heart filled and burst with longing, and tears ran down my face. “Edward –” I choked.

When I woke then, I expected him to be there. He wasn’t. There was just a horribly empty place in my bed, and a hollow ache in my heart.

Thinking past the tears, I knew this had to stop. There was no way I could go on like this. It was unhealthy, and horrible. My trembling hands found the box of pictures, and I clutched it close to my chest, absorbing the memories for one last time. Then, as Charlie was gone, I went downstairs and dumped the box in the sink.

The matchbox wavered in my hands, the burning flame dancing uncertainly. I made myself look away. I made myself drop the match. And then I watched Edward’s pictures burn. There would be no more memories to haunt me from now on.

I was truly and completely alone.

{Looking So long at these pictures of you

But Inever hold on to your heart

Looking so long forthe words to be true

But always just breakingapart my pictures of you

There was nothing in the world that I everwanted more

Than to feel you deep in my heart

There was nothing in the world that I everwanted more

Than to never feel the breakingapart

All my pictures of you}