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Emmet, You Idiot!

Summary:
What would happen if Emmett's pranks went a little too far?


Notes:
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.


1. Edward, Look Down

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 549   Review this Chapter

Hey hey, you you, I don’t like your girlfriend. No way, no way, I think you need a new one. Hey, hey, you, you, I could be your girlfriend, Alice sang in her head, blocking her more paramount thoughts.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven….Jasper counted, completely absorbed with his counting of cells on Bella’s pinkie toe. I growled under my breath, and mentally noted to have a little chat with Jasper about creeping out my girl---Girlfriend? No. Fiancée? Sadly, no. Soul-mate? Nope, one of us just happens not to have a soul. So…what? That was a matter to be pondered upon in a later time, perhaps whilst watching Bella sleep.

White, white, white, they’re going to freak, white, off white, white, white….And there was Rosalie, failing to keep her mind on the pattern of the kitchen floor’s tile. Who was going to freak? And why? Oh, well, she felt too guilty to do anything to Bella. Though, I might have to watch out…

Standing there in the harsh spray of the shower, I dumped the unscented body wash all over the smooth marble contours of my body, trying to wash away the mud from Emmett’s last ‘grand idea’. I scoffed. Mud sliding was most definitely not fun. But, alas, Bella had found it intriguing, and had made me promise not to let go of her the whole time. Of course, that was one promise I didn’t mind keeping.

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel securely around my middle. My darkened butterscotch eyes drifted downward, and a yelp escaped my lips. What the?! I darted to the mirror, and gasped in a pure horror. No, no, NO! Who did this to me? Who? Who would have the nerve to----Hang on. The one immortal in this household stupid enough to fill my body wash with pink dye would have to be (the one and only) Emmett.

“EMMETT!” I roared, my voice shacking the rafters. My hand flew out and yanked the door off its hinges, and I was partly down the stairs before my mind caught up with my feet. Must act rational. Must not murder with Bella in view. Taking calmly (yet unnecessary) breathes, I completed the storm down on steps, eyes shadows with fury.

“Where is he?” I asked coolly, gilding into the room where most of my family relaxed. Bella’s expressive chocolate eyes widened in shock at my appearance, and her jaw hung slack. I sent her a ‘forgive me’ look, then returned my attention to the one most likely to be second-to-most involved in this…this…this plot to ruin the rest of my existence!

“Alice, tell me---” I was cut off as she began giggling madly. My ultimate death-glare did nothing to silence her. Bella buried her face in her hands. I could easily smell the blood staining her cheeks, but, amazing, I felt little to no hunger for the crimson flowing through her veins. “Alice?” I asked uncertainly, opening up my mind to their thoughts.

I can’t believe that Bella is having to see this! Dang it, Edward, listen to me! Jasper bellowed internally, just as Edward…You’re an idiot, you know that? Think of poor Bella… reached me from Rosalie. Then, the worst of all, Alice: Edward, look down.

Confused, I glanced down, and yelped again.

My towel had fallen down.