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Bachelor

Summary:
All of the Cullens think that Edward is lonely, so they set up a bachelor show for him to be on.


Notes:
Everyone has always thought Edward needed a girlfriend before Bella came along.


1. Mr. Lonely

Rating 5/5   Word Count 632   Review this Chapter

“Edward,” Emmett comes into the Cullens’ living room saying. “Me and Rosalie and Carlisle and Esme- especially Esme- think you have a serious problem.”

“Why does everyone keep bugging me about this. For the four hundredth and seventy-second time, I am not lonely. Can’t you people just leave me in peace to read my books and play my piano and study languages? Why do I need a woman when I have all this other stuff I could be doing?” Edward asks from the couch where he is reading Pride and Prejudice for the fifth time.

“Because you’re fifty- eight years old and you have never had a girlfriend. You’ve never even been out on a date before. That is just wrong, Edward. Even a little scary, and that’s coming from me, the vampire who never gets scared.”

“Well what do you want me to do about it? I just haven’t found anyone I’m attracted to.” It’s true. Every time he thought he liked a girl, there always turned out to be something wrong with them that turned him off.

“That’s because you haven’t looked hard enough. You haven’t ever really tried to find your perfect woman. Your Rosalie.”

“Ugh. I don’t want her if she’s like Rosalie,” Edward cuts Emmett off, scrunching his nose in disgust. Who would want a self-centered, conceded, vain girl like Rosalie? Well, besides Emmett, that is, but Emmett is crazy. Everyone knows that.

“I heard that!” Rosalie calls from the second floor where she is admiring her self in the mirror. Edwards point exactly!.

“Emmett, what am I supposed to do? It’s not like I can send letters out to random girls in the country asking them to go on dates with me until I find the girl that’s right for me,” Edward tells Emmett.

“Of course not. That’s silly. You don’t send the letters out asking for dates. You send them out asking for essays that tell about them. Then you narrow the essays down to the, oh lets say 11, ones you like the most. After that you bring those 11 girls here and then you date them and see which one you want to be your wife,” Emmett tells him, oddly knowing exactly what he was going to say, like he planned this….

“What are you talking about, Emmett?” Edward asks, now suspicious. Emmett is trying very hard to hide his thoughts from Edward, and when someone tries to hide their thoughts from Edward, something’s up.

“I’m talking about a bachelor show,” Emmett says. He leaves the room and comes back in with an armful of letters. He then leaves the room again and comes back with yet another armful of letters, then again, and then a fourth time, dropping all the letters on the coffee table by where Edward is sitting. How did Edward not see all these letters? “These are from everyone who responded. Now all we have to do is read each and every one of them, and narrow them down to the 11 girls you like the most.”

“Why 11?” Edward asks, very frightened now.

“Because I like that number,” Emmett tells him.

“Emmett I don’t think this is a very good idea-”

“I don’t care Edward! You’ve been alone long enough! Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme, and I all think this is a good idea. You’ve been outnumbered! Plus, even if you don’t find the woman of your dreams, it will still be a fun experience for all of us. Now start reading these essays!” Emmett orders.

“This is so not the right way to do this,” Edward tells him. “We’re going to be here reading these for days, and I haven’t been hunting in weeks. Can’t we at least go catch a grizzly bear or mountain lion first?”

“Deal,” Emmett says, always up for a grizzly. Then they get up and leave for their hunting trip.