Nessie has graduated High School and looking forward to her new life at Yale. With Jacob by her side and Edward and Bella's encouragment, Nessie faces life, adventure, and possible threats to her family as she finds herself.
I do not own these characters...just borrowing them from Stephenie Meyer.
5. Chapter 5
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Chapter 5 - Explanations
As we walked outside, I could hear Jacob trying to calm Charlie down, telling him that everything was natural and good. As his voice faded, I couldn’t help but wonder if that was true. To us, normal had a different definition, but does that definition stretch to cover what was happening between me and Jacob.
“It’s perfectly normal for us, Ness.” Edward interrupted my thoughts. “Charlie has had to let a lot of things go, and we knew there would be a breaking point for him, that something would be just too much, but it’s not your fault, it’s just one of the difficulties our kind runs into when we are too close to humans.”
“I know, in my heart it feels right, but to the outside world, if they knew the numbers, if they knew my real birth date, I think people would be horrified.”
“Well, that’s true, 4 year olds aren’t supposed to graduate high school.” Edward responded, on eyebrow raised playfully. “But really, age isn’t anything but a number in this family. I’m 100 years older then your mother, it never posed a problem for her.” He smiled.
“Yeah, I know. But there is more to it then just my age. Jacob has watched me grow; he’s been with me since the day I was born. And then let’s throw in the whole Mom and Jacob thing that I knew nothing about. I just don’t know how to keep taking everything. It all feels normal to me, but if you put it on paper, it’s just too much. I was born 4 years ago, I am half-vampire, half-human, my parents and most of my extended family are vampires, and now I am falling in love with a shape shifter who has practically raised me. What’s going to be next Dad? When will the mummy’s start coming out of the closets? When will my long-lost Uncle who is a zombie come for a visit?” I knew I was being ridiculous, but sometimes it is so frustrating.
“Yes, I know, sometimes it seems like the super-natural world is coming from all sides, and it is hard to live in a world where the people around you are so oblivious, but our family will never be normal. But being different isn’t a bad thing, especially when you have a family who loves you and understands. You know, I used to think that your mother would want a normal life too. That one day she would run screaming from me, and I couldn’t blame her. There was a time that I wanted her to run from me.”
I looked into his eyes, and I knew the love he had for my mother, I knew that there was no one else in this world for him.
“You right, there isn’t anyone else for me. But I didn’t want to bring her into this world of impossibilities. I was too selfish to let her go myself, so I hoped she would do it for me.”
“But you did leave, right?” I asked. Usually this subject was off limits. Mom said she couldn’t bear the pain in Dad’s eyes, but I had to know.
“Yes, I left. I left because I wanted Bella to have a normal life away from all of this. I should have known that she is anything but normal. I couldn’t believe that when I left, she found a shape shifter.” He paused with a small smile on his lips, shaking his head. “No, your mother was never destined for a normal life, and you don’t have much of an option.” He said sadly. “You can choose to be with Jacob, or not, but because you don’t age like a human, I don’t think you can ever have a normal life, at least not a normal human life.” There was sadness in his voice as he said this.
“Let me explain what happened with your mother, I don’t want you to dwell on what will never be, but I want you to see all the possibilities you have in your life. You are so much like your mother, and I’d like to think that you would never really be satisfied in a human world, because I know that Bella wouldn’t have.”
He took a deep breath, preparing for what was coming. I knew he had no problem remembering, and maybe that was what he was preparing for, but I walked quietly by his side, waiting until he was ready.
“The first few months with your mother were amazing for me. I had lived for a century, and I thought that I was always going to be alone; I thought that was my fate. But when I met Bella everything changed. I finally knew what it meant to exist. But I was also faced with the knowledge that there were only two outcomes for Bella’s life, I saw the options in my head through Alice’s visions. It was either death or change, and I didn’t want either of those things for such a perfect and beautiful human. I tried to stay away from her in the beginning, but I had to see her. She was everything I was missing in my existence, and once I knew it, I couldn’t stand to be without her. I felt terrible; I loathed myself for what I was doing to her. Everyday I spent next to her; I knew she was coming closer to her fate. But I made excuses for it, she was so clumsy and accident-prone, I convinced myself that I needed to be there to save her from herself. After we met James, and he wanted her, I realized that I didn’t need to protect her from herself, but that I was the lightning rod for the danger in her life.
“When I was able to save her from the fate I knew she was meant for in Phoenix, I told myself that being in her life was a good thing. I told myself that she needed me because even though I brought danger into her life, I could protect her from it too.”
I looked at his face as he spoke; there wasn’t the pain I expected to see. He looked like someone who has come to peace with his past, which made me feel better, I didn’t want to make my father hurt.
“Everyday I spent with her was perfect, I had never been happier and I didn’t want to let her go, but the more time we spent together, the clearer Alice’s visions became. I no longer could see myself killing her, but rather changing her. To me, that would be worse then death because I wasn’t really ok with myself, and what I was. There was a night where the possibility of her getting hurt was all too real, and I knew I had to leave her. I knew she needed me to be out o her life so she could have a normal life. So I lied, told her that I didn’t love her, and that I was leaving. She accepted my lies so easily; I thought she would be fine, so I left.”
“How could you leave someone you loved so much? I can’t picture you without her, and vice versa.” This was the first time I was really hearing about the hard times my parents had, I always saw the happiness and love, and I didn’t think there was any other way for them to be.
“It wasn’t easy, and I hated every moment without her. I hated myself for putting her in so much danger in the first place, but I felt like if she could be happy and be normal, then I would survive and I would be fine. I was able to stay away for months, but I never thought of anything but her. It was getting harder and harder everyday. I was in South America, and I had to see her, I started to head north just to see her, just to see her happy, make sure she was normal as I had hoped. That is when your Aunt Rose called me, telling me Alice had seen Bella jump from a cliff. I was in shock, surely Bella wouldn’t do that, she had Charlie, and Renee. I called her house, just to make sure, but I knew she would recognize my voice, so I asked for Charlie. When I was told he was at the funeral, I didn’t know how to go on. I felt like the stars were ripped from my sky and nothing would be ok.”
He looked over and saw my horrified expression and I tried to take the look out of my eyes.
“Don’t worry Love; you know the end of the story. Alice did see your mother jump from a cliff, but she was being a crazy irrational human, imitating some of the La Push boys and their cliff diving.” He reassured me as we continued our walk; I looked around, not recognizing the forest that surrounded us.
“After that, I couldn’t live without your mother, and I knew it. When I came back, I found that she was not going on with her normal life as I had hoped. Only Bella would run into the arms of a werewolf when her vampire boyfriend left. I found that Bella had taken my leaving hard, really hard. Jacob was there for her when I was not, he saved her life in more then one way and I have always been and will always be eternally grateful. But when he tried to repair the hole I left in Bella, he left a little piece of himself with her, and though she knew she loved me, it was a hard time for her because she didn’t want to hurt Jacob.”
“It took some time, and Jacob had a hard time accepting that Bella would change into one of us, but he really does love her and wanted her to be happy. And then, when you came along, and Jacob imprinted, that changed everything. I see Jacob as a friend and as a son. He would do anything for you, just as I would, and I couldn’t ask for more. When Jacob imprinted, he didn’t forget all the feelings he had for Bella, but he was past that. When you came, all of his priorities shifted to making you happy. He would do anything for you, and nothing can change that. He will also be there for you, forever, as whatever you need.”
I thought about his last sentence and I chewed on my lower lip.
“Ness, I just want you to be happy, and so does Jacob and Bella. If you want to be with Jacob like you are, that is great. But you can be friends too. We just want you to know that.”
“I know I have a choice, and I appreciate you telling me about that time. I know it’s not easy for you to remember that.” I sighed as we turned around to head back to the house. My head felt clear and the feeling of euphoria I had felt before Charlie’s blow up returned.
“I wonder how Charlie is doing.” I wondered aloud.
Edward cocked his head and listened, “He’s doing ok, he keeps on chanting, ‘need to know, only need to know’ to himself.” Edward laughed lightly.
“Let’s go Love; it’s been a long day for you.” He said as he pulled me into his side in a half hug.
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