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La Tua Cantante

Summary:
As usual, this will come in two parts: Edward's pov and Bella's, but the first is always Bella's. I got this idea from watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, when Angel got shot with a poisoned arrow and has to drink Buffy's blood to survive. This is pretty much mid-Eclipse and the Volturi infected Edward with a disease called "Distruzione" (Italian for "Destruction") which only affects vampires and he will die unless he drinks the blood of his la tua cantante, which is Bella. This is just more hardships for Edward and Bella to fight through, but as always, they fight it together and never give up.


Notes:
There are some adult-themed situations, so unfortunately this fanfic will have to be rated Adult instead of Everyone. Sorry to my younger fans, but please, exercise caution when reading this fanfic. It will get extremely detailed.


16. Chapter 16: Scared

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2047   Review this Chapter

Jasper walked in hesitantly and I smiled slightly, before sitting down and burying my face in my hands. "You okay?" He asked, softly.

I looked up and nodded, "Yeah...yeah, fine. It's just...I still really haven't had time to really think about everything. To absorb it. I still can't believe it...I mean, it Jake. I never thought he'd ever hurt me. Not like this." I gestured to myself and shook my head, "I just...I had to put on a brave facade for Edward or else he'd blame himself. I couldn't let that happen. I don't know how to deal with this. I'm scared, Jasper," I admitted, looking to him and stifling a sob, "I'm scared of what this will do to me. And, it hurts me so much to know that Edward will suffer as a result. My worst fear is that Edward is in pain and can't or won't tell me."

Jasper shook his head, "No, Bella...Edward's not in pain. He's only in pain when you are."

I sobbed, "I know. And, I am. I just...hide it. But, I know he can see right through me. That means he's suffering." I shuddered, "I can't handle that."

"I know it's hard, Bella," Jasper said, sitting beside me, "But, you have to get through this."

"How can I?" I asked, "How can I when I have no one to turn to? I can't go to Edward or else his pain will be more than I can handle...it'll kill me. My first instinct used to be to go to Jake when I couldn't go to Edward...but, now, I can't even do that. And, it hurts. It hurts to talk, Jasper...it hurts to breathe."

Jasper hesitated, and his hand trembled slightly, as he reached out and took my hand. "I'm sorry, Bella." I didn't answer, so he took my hand in both of his and stiffened up, "Bella, look at me."

I obliged and he continued on, "You...are the strongest, most capable person I know. I know you can get through this. I know how hard it is. Every ounce of pain you are feeling, I am feeling. I get it. But, I also know that you can fight it. Maybe not alone...but, you've never been alone. You never will. Useless as it seems, you have me. I'm here for you no matter what."

I smiled and nodded, as he sent waves of calm washing over me. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to be engulfed by them until all my fears were gone.

After I was totally calm, Edward walked in, carrying a McDonald's bag, looking unsure. He shrugged, " 'Billions served everyday'; there's gotta be something halfway decent about it."

I smiled slightly, "Thank you," and took it from him.

"What's wrong?" He asked, as I opened the bag.

"Nothing," I said, shrugging.

He looked to Jasper, who confirmed my lie, "Everything's taken care of; don't worry."

Edward nodded slightly and continued to stare at Jasper, as he took his seat on the other side of me. He stared at me analytically the entire time I was eating, trying to unveil the truth in my eyes, which was why I avoided his eyes, painful as it was.

I threw my trash away and then asked, "What now?" I struggled to keep my voice steady, but Jasper definitely helped with it.

"Charlie's going to be here soon." Edward said, "He's not going to be happy about this; he's in a bad mood already."

I nodded, "I suppose we can...watch some TV for awhle then."

"Sure..." Edward agreed, half-heartedly, "Bella?" I forced myself to look at him, knowing he'd see my lie. "I am here for you. Please...never hesitate to talk to me. The only pain I feel...is knowing I'm not enough for you."

It wasn't just this he was referring to. I shook my head, "No...no, you're more than enough for me. More than I deserve."

"Apparently not," he said, caressing one of my wounds from Jacob, "But, it's okay. I'll take what I can get. Even if I can't have all of you."

"No!" I practically yelled, desperate to make him see just how much more he meant to me than Jacob ever could, "Edward, please, please, don't ever think that. You will always have all of me. Every fiber of my being belongs to you; nothing can take that away from you; NOTHING. Jacob means nothing to me."

"Bella, it's okay."

"No, it's not! Edward, do you really think I ever wanted Jake the way I wanted you? Now who's being absurd!" I shook my head, "You have to know that whatever pain I feel because of Jacob is not your fault; that's my only worry. Your tendency to blame yourself must change now."

"I don't blame myself, Bella; not for this; I never did." He protested, "But, when you deliberately hide your true feelings from me--"
"I'm sorry!" I immediately said, growing frustrated, "I am! I just wanted to protect you." Those words sounded ridiculous coming from me.

"Well, that's not a good enough reason." Edward said, exasperatedly, "Nothing justifies you doing that. You were trying to protect me? Well, guess what, Bella; I'm a big boy; I think I can handle it. My only concern is: can you? I've been through a lot. I have the strength and the skill to deal with these kinds of problems. I can help you. Why? Why won't you let me help you?"

"I'm sorry, "I repeated, "I didn't know. I wasn't...thinking. I didn't know what to do, but I knew that your safety was inevitable. Making you suffer for me was never an option; I would never allow it."

He sighed and pulled me into his arms, holding me as I sobbed onto him, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." I repeated, through my sobs.

Jasper's calming waves took over me, and after a while, I had calmed down completely. All the pain melted away, replaced with peace, hope, and love. Soon, I felt nothing but joy.

I didn't know when Edward had carried me into the living room, but once I settled down, I noticed that I was lying in between his legs, with my arms wrapped around his waist, and my head laying against his chest.

The side of his head was resting against the top of mine and he was kissing my hair every so often. His hands were lightly rubbing my back and his arms tightened around me, almost protectively.

"Edward..." I croaked, "How did we--"

"Shh..." he softly shushed me and began rocking me back and forth, "It's all right, love. Nothing will ever hurt you again. I'm here; I'm right here. I will never leave you again; not for a second."

Though I knew that he would eventually have to leave me, those words were so comforting. The thought of staying like this, in his arms forever, was so amazing. It still seemed so unreal that I managed to end up with a man as perfect as Edward was.

"I love you," I choked out.

His voice was strained and I could tell he was clenching this teeth as he said, "Mm-hm." He exhaled shakily, stifling tearless sobs, and whispered dryly, "Love you," before softly humming my lullaby.

As if on cue, we both relaxed in each other's arms, as if that was some sort of medicine. It calmed us--soothing us even more so than Jasper did.

After awhile, he took my face in his hands, making me look at him, and stared intensely into my eyes. "Bella, do you trust me?" He asked, softly.

"With my life." I said, without hesitation, "My life, my heart, my soul: all I am is yours." He simply stared at me, before nodding. "Edward, I'm sorry. I never doubted you. Please don't doubt my love for you; that will never change. It can't change."

He didn't answer me, so I continued on, "I just...didn't want you to suffer because of me. And, I knew that you would."

"That's not the point, Bella." Edward said, miserably, "You don't get it. It's not about me. It's never been about me; it's about you. I want to help you bear your pain; is that so bad? Do you really want to do it alone? Can't I simply be here to give you a hand and lift you up?"

"Yes," I said, bringing my hand up and touching his lips to quiet him. "Yes, you can. Edward, I know how hard this is for you. And, I'm sorry. I am. I made a mistake; sue me." He grimaced at my sarcasm. "Edward, the truth is...you are my strength. My courage, my hope, my ability to go on at all lies within you. Without you, I would have never made it this far. Without knowing it, you helped me. You helped me through just by being there. I had no fears...no pain, because I had you. You take it all away magically."

"Bella--"

"No! Don't you dare try to deny it; now is not the time for your stubborn humility, okay? It's you that doesn't get it. You are the only true happiness and good I have ever had. Every morning that I wake up, I see you...just seeing you makes it a perfect day. It makes me love you even more. You have...no idea how much you help me just by being here and loving me. That is enough; I never expected anything else. You are all that I need. You've done all you can."

"Guess that makes me pathetic then, huh? I'm doing all I can, yet I feel like I've done nothing. Even my supposed all isn't enough to take away your pain. I'm not sure I can deal with that."

I shook my head, "No, Edward, that is not true! You don't have to do anything--your mere existence has the ability to completely heal me of my pain. I only felt pain when you left...but, now, with you here...I feel no pain whatsoever. None. Only my love for you growing to beyond overwhelming."

He smiled slightly and caressed my face lightly, "Then, consider me permanently attached to you at the hip." He said, jokingly, caressing my hip as he did so.

I smiled, "A beautiful attachment, I must say. No objections here."

He chuckled and hugged me closer. I smiled and nestled into him before reciting, uncertainly, as my memory was not as good as his:

" 'To me that man seems like a god in heaven, seems--may I say it?--greater than all gods are, watches you, listens to your heart, which casts such confusion onto my sense...that when I gaze at you merely, all of my well-chosen words are forgotten...as my tongue thickens and a subtle fire runs through my body while my ears are deafened by their own ringing and at once my eyes...covered in darkness?'...and...I forgot the rest!" I admitted, sheepishly, burying my face in his chest.

"Catullus?" Edward said, surprised, sounding impressed.

"Mm-hm," I admitted, looking up at him and nodding.

"How do you--"

"I got tired of you having all the good sentiments and lines, so...I looked up some literary works that could apply to you and that one definitely fit."

"A god in heaven?" He asked, with a doubtful smirk, "Are yo kidding; how does that apply to me?"

"You're my god in heaven...and blasphemy or not, you are my favorite. Smite me!" I said, looking up dramatically and pretending to shield myself.

He laughed and hugged me, "I'd never allow it, love. If anyone wants you dead, they have to get through me first."

"Whatever happened to 'ladies first'?" I asked, with a smile.

"Death...does not count."

"Sure it does; is all chivalry dead?"

"I'd hardly call that chivalry. Besides...don't women live longer than men do anyway?"

I chuckled once, "Not in this case. Call it what you will. Just know that...to me...no one could ever be better than you. Which is defined as a god, is it not? My god." I said, pointing to myself like a child claiming their prize.

He chuckled and began rocking me from side to side, "Oh, Bella...you are so cute."

He kissed my temple and tightened his hold on me, as the door opened and Charlie walked in, saying, "Bella?! I'm home. How was your--"

Charlie saw me and Edward--neither of us had moved--and froze in place, glaring at us. I would definitely take that bet with Edward now...because I was so dead.