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La Tua Cantante

Summary:
As usual, this will come in two parts: Edward's pov and Bella's, but the first is always Bella's. I got this idea from watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, when Angel got shot with a poisoned arrow and has to drink Buffy's blood to survive. This is pretty much mid-Eclipse and the Volturi infected Edward with a disease called "Distruzione" (Italian for "Destruction") which only affects vampires and he will die unless he drinks the blood of his la tua cantante, which is Bella. This is just more hardships for Edward and Bella to fight through, but as always, they fight it together and never give up.


Notes:
There are some adult-themed situations, so unfortunately this fanfic will have to be rated Adult instead of Everyone. Sorry to my younger fans, but please, exercise caution when reading this fanfic. It will get extremely detailed.


8. Chapter 8: Strength

Rating 3/5   Word Count 2967   Review this Chapter

When was finally able to open my eyes, I saw Jasper right next to me. "Hi." I said, struggling to hide my confusion, "I--you--where's Edward?"

Jasper smiled, warmly, "He still blames himself for what happened. He's not talking to anyone right now."

"WHAT?! Why does he blame himself? This is in no way his fault." I protested, angrily, but Jasper's calming effects immediately took over me.

"Well, you know Edward. Once his mind is set, he's quite impossible to get through to."

I nodded, understanding, "So...why are you here? Not to be rude," I immediately amended, "I don't mind it; it's just...you're the last person I expected to see, to be honest."

He gestured to himself, "Your own personal Morphine Extra Strength, with legs."

We both chuckled softly and I agreed, "That is true. Thanks."

"Not a problem."

"Is it hard?" I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me, "Like doing overtime or something? Does it, like, hurt you or weaken you to work harder like this?"

He shrugged, "Not in the least. It's not like I can hurt myself; it doesn't work like that."

"Oh. What about your...inability to do the whole human blood resistance thing?" I didn't appear to have offended him, but it sounded so rude in my head.

He breathed a chuckle, obviously catching my regret in saying the words, "It's okay. I've been...working on it. Kind of...strengthening my ability to resist...yours especially."

"How do you do that?" I asked.

He shifted uncomfortably, "Well...you see...Carlisle has to take blood samples of his patients with severe injuries and let's face it, all you get are severe injuries. So, when he takes a sample, once he's done with it, I'll kind of take it for myself and expose myself to it for a bit...to build up my resistance. It's kind of like humans lifting weights to strengthen their muscles or running to strengthen their heart. It's the vegetarian vampire workout, so to speak. And I've accustomed myself to the scent of your blood so that I can be around you more often. Good thing too, considering I had to take over for Edward and help save you. Have I totally freaked you out now?" He asked, nervously.

"No." I said, struggling not to laugh, "No, if anything, I admire you. That's a pretty amazing thing to do for me. I...I'm so sorry."

"For what?" He asked, confused, "It's not your fault I'm the weak one of the group. That's just how it is."

Without thinking, I pulled him into a hug and he awkwardly returned it. "Sorry," I said, pulling away, "I just--wow."

"It's okay," he smiled, as he released me, "it's not as bad as you'd think. This'll be great. Now, I can be around you more. Alice is always bragging about how incredible you are."

"Alice is wrong." I said, rolling my eyes.

"Um, as both a man and the man who loves her, Alice is always right. Just...don't tell her I said that."

"Cross my heart," I said, jokingly.

"I really look forward to knowing you better. It'll be so great."

"Yeah...it will." I agreed, finally noticing the taste of blood still remaining in my mouth. I grimaced, "Ew. Can I get some...water?"

He nodded, "Of course."

He made to get up when Edward said, from the doorway, holding a glass of water, "It's okay, Jazz, I've got it. You can go take a break. I'll take over."

"Okay." Jasper said, getting up, "Feel better, Bella." I nodded and watched as he left.

Edward approached me and sat down beside me, on the bed, "Come here." He pulled me into his arms and held me, kissing my forehead repeatedly. He cradled me in the crook of his left arm and instructed, "Here...drink this."

He held the cup in his hand, raised it to my lips, and tilted it, helping me drink it. Once I drained the cup, he set it on the nightstand and then laid me back down, taking my face in his hands, and kissing my forehead.

"I would've settled for tap," I said, noticing the different, purer taste of the water.

He shook his head, "You deserve only the best."

I smiled slightly, "Thank you...for everything. I love you."

He closed his eyes and hung his head, ashamed, "I am...so sorry."

I placed a hand on his cheek, "No one blames you. If it wasn't for you--"

"None of this would've happened." He snapped, angrily. "Bella, I can handle a lot. I've had to handle the worst of pain and that's fine. But, you in pain...I cannot handle that."

"I hate it when you do that." I said, irritably.

"Do what?"

"Blame yourself for every little thing that happens to me when there was nothing you could've done about it." I said, frustrated.

"Nothing?! I could've not fed off you for one. That is what started this mess. I wish I would've died and none of this would've happened."

"NO!" I yelled, "Edward, you know the deal: you die, so do I. That's the way it is and that's how it always will be. Nothing can change that."

He flinched, "Stop it!" He closed his eyes tightly and shook his head fiercely.

"No, I won't, Edward. This is not open for debate. It is so ridiculous for you to be so willing to die for me, but you won't let me die for you."

He simply stared at me, as if weighing his options. "Maybe you're right," he said, softly, looking away from me, looking so pained that it hurt me as well.

I flinched and placed my hand on his chest. "Please don't do this to yourself."

He looked down at my hand and picked it up, examining it closely. He caressed my ring finger, which was bruised from the ring being broken off of it. "Your finger's fractured..." He whispered, kissing it now.

He looked into my eyes and whispered, "Come with me?"

"Anywhere," I whispered my answer, as he trailed his lips up my arm to my shoulder to the side of my neck to my jawbone over to my lips.

He kissed me softly before scooping me up and tightening his hold on me. He kissed my eyelids, placed his hand on the side of my head, holding my head lovingly to his chest, and took off, without warning.

Edward came to a stop in the middle of our meadow. He simply held me in his arms, not setting me down and looked deeply into my eyes--almost as if he was drowning in them.

Without taking my eyes off his, I said softly, almost reverently, "This place only gets more beautiful each time I see it."

He shrugged, "Without you, it's just a meadow...but, with you here, it's priceless. Without a doubt, the most ethereal, beautiful place in existence. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be...and honestly, I choose you over heaven any day. You are my heaven."

I smiled and tried to kiss him, but he pulled away and set me down. "Not now, Bella."

"Why not?" I asked, trying again, but he pushed me away slightly.

"Because you're hurt. I don't want to cause you anymore pain..and if I risk hurting you when you're perfectly healthy, imagine the risk now when you're already so damaged."

"I don't care!" I protested, stubbornly, "I. Don't. Care."

"I care, Bella."

He tried to turn his head, but I gripped his chin firmly, cupping it in my fingers, and turned his head to force him to look at me. "Edward...please just kiss me."

He didn't answer, but he didn't try to pull away either so I trailed my fingers down his jawbone, caressed his chin gently with my thumb, sliding my other fingers underneath his jaw, resting my thumb on his jawbone, and leaned in to touch my lips to his.

He returned it hesitantly at first, but several kisses later, he intensified the kisses, trailing his hand passionately up and down my arms. He practically licked my chin before sliding his tongue into my parted lips, entwining it with mine, getting my whole chin in his mouth.

He tightened his arms around me, holding me even closer--if that was even possible. I rested my hand on his pec and placed the other one on his waist. I could feel his nipple through his shirt against my hand. It caused me to shiver involuntarily in delight.

He trailed his hand down my arm, stopping at my hand, entwining his fingers with mine, pressing my hand further into his pec.

I deepened the kiss passionately, now standing on my tiptoes, raising my shoulders to his jaw.

He kissed me several more times before trailing his lips dow to my neck, kissing it tenderly. He traced the scar from his bite delicately with his lips, kissing every inch of it, before going down to kiss my now exposed collar bone.

He kissed it softly once before pulling away and whispering, "I can't."

"What do you mean?" I asked, breathlessly. He didn't answer, but traced my fractured collarbone lightly with his fingertips. It was throbbing with intense pain, but I wouldn't show it.

I clenched my teeth against it and watched as he lightly kissed it. He then wrenched away from me to walk away, but I grabbed his arm with both hands--avoiding the pain. "What's the matter?"

He still didn't answer; he wouldn't even look at me. "Edward?" I stomped my foot in irritation. I was struggling with my frustration and his refusal to talk to me.

He shook his head slightly, before saying, softly, "I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill him for what he did to you."

"Yeah, well, join the club. I don't think you'll have to worry, though, because Charlie will kill him enought for the both of us."

He jerked his hand free, "Knock it off, Bella."

"I'm sorry." I was confused, "What did I do?"

"Stop...joking about this like it doesn't matter."

"I never said it didn't." I protested.

"You don't have to. I don't have to read your mind to know that you think it will be perfectly fine just because it's over."

"As hard as it is to believe, you don't know me as well as you think you do." I said, bitterly, "Not once did I think that. I know that it will affect me for the rest of my life, but I won't let it destroy me."

He scoffed, "That is so like you."

"Yeah, it is." I agreed, "I already let my life be ruined once; I can't let that happen again. I won't survive if I fall apart again. I'm not strong enough."

He flinched at my reference to him and I immediately felt guilty. "Edward, I didn't mean--"

"Don't bother, Bella." He cut off my apology, "I know what a monster I am. Stop pretending that I'm some...perfect guardian angel of some sort. I am no angel. I belong in hell; I know that. What I don't know is why I'm not there now."

"STOP!" I yelled, my voice trembling, tears threatening to come, "That is not true. Edward...you can't--you can't do this. You can't beat yourself up everytime I get hurt. No one expects you to save me from everything. As many powers as you have, even you can't do that."

"Stop making excuses for me, Bella."

"No, I'm gonna! If I have to stay here forever to convince you how amazing you truly are, then that's exactly what I'm going to do." I protested, tears now flooding my eyes.

"You don't get it, Bella! I wanted to kill him. Do you not understand that?!"

"I know that! I know what you wanted. What does it matter?"

"Because I wanted to!" He yelled, turning to face me. " Because he hurt you so badly! I want to kill Jacob and I know how much that will hurt Carlisle...how much it will hurt you and apart of me doesn't even care."

"So what?!"

"I can't do it again, Bella." He shook his head, fiercely, looking as if he would be crying if he could, "I can't become a killer."

"So fight it." I begged.

"With what strength?! I'm weak. I've never been anything else. You're living proof of that. I should've left you alone from day one, but now, we both are so desperately in love with each other that that is no longer an option. And now you're getting hurt because of me. Every ounce of pain in your life is directly related to me; to my actions."

I shook my head, tears now streaming, "You're weak; everyone is. You just...don't give up. That's what makes you strong. You have to fight it, Edward. Please."

He glared at me, before saying, "I wish I had died. I wish that Carlisle had never saved me."

I began trembling, both in pain and anger at his words, "How. Dare. You?" I asked, my voice trembling with emotion. The thought of him dead was so unbearable. It hurt so bad, it was as if I was literally being cut into pieces.

I collapsed weakly and he caught me, holding weakly as I sobbed so hard, my shoulders were shaking with each forced, painful breath.

He began trembling as he said, "See? I'm a monster. My mere existence has the power to destroy you. I shouldn't keep doing this to you. I shouldn't exist when all it does is cause you pain."

Those words gave me a sudden strength and I pushed him away, hard enough for him to stagger slightly. "Why...are you doing this to me? If you want to leave, then go. Be a coward; I'm not strong enought to stop you. If I can't stop you from doing this, I don't know what can. But, stop doing this. Stop killing me inside..." I broke off sobbing, clutching my heart, "Make one clean cut and get on with it. But, please...don't make me suffer. I can't--I can't do this anymore. I can't survive like this."

He shook his head and grabbed onto my arms, "I'm not leaving you again, Bella. I won't. I refuse to leave unless you ask me to. I know I don't deserve you. I never willl--but, so long as you'll take me, I am here and I am so in love with you. I can't exist without you."

I shook in his arms, sobbing, "Who are you to tell me what's right for me?! You think I haven't thought about this?! I need my life to be with you..."

He let out a cry of angruish and collapsed onto me, forcing me to fall. I let out a cry of pain and regret filled his features as he grabbed me roughly by my arms.

"No! No!" I cried, as he began shaking me slightly.

"Am I a thing worth loving, huh? Am I a righteous man? The world wanted me gone long ago."

"What about me?" I sobbed, taking his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me, "I love you so much."

He staggered back as I said, "And I tried to forget you. You left me and it didn't help. I tried to move on. I tried...but I couldn't live without you. It wasn't a life...it was barely a shell of a life. All I wanted was to die. I wanted you to have killed me. You should've. You killed me in that forest when you left."

I hesitated to shake my head, "I know everything that you did...because you did it to me....But, I still love you." I said, to the pained expression on his face, hoping to ease his pain, "Even that never changed my love. If anything, it increased it. It only made me love you more. And, I hate it! I hate that you can hurt me so much! I wish that I wished you gone! But, I don't. I can't. Edward, I need you to live. Without you, I am nothing. If you do leave, then all you ever were was a monster."

"What am I supposed to do?" His voice cracked with emotion. "I can't leave you again...but, I shouldn't keep hurting you."

"Then don't."

"You shouldn't love a murderer, Bella."

"You aren't. Edward, it doesn't matter what you did. It never did. I have always loved you. I'm sorry, but I do. I never got a choice in the matter. Loving you--being yours--was my purpose in life. I was born...for you. I was born to tell you I love you. And, I'm telling you now: I. LOVE. YOU. I do. But, if that's wrong, then let me go to hell; I don't care. Just don't leave me again. Please...I'll die if you do. I don't care where I am, so long as I'm with you."

He pulled me into his arms and simply held me as I sobbed, dry sobbing onto me. "Bella..." he sobbed, "I...love you."

He got to his knees weakly and wrapped his arms desperately around my waist, clinging to me for dear life. "Bella...Bella...Bella..." He sobbed my name repeatedly, as I sobbed hysterically.

Once we both settled down, he looked up at me and asked, almost nervously, "You still my girl?"

I chuckled softly and said, "Always," as I bent down to reach my lips to his, taking his face in my hands. I deepened the kiss, whimpering slightly.

He pulled me down and spun around on his knees, laying me down in the grass, lowering himself on top of me.

I arched my back and tilted my head slightly to deepen the kiss and allowed him to continue on, for the next several hours, before falling asleep on his bare chest.