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Loving Emma Jane

Summary:
Thanks to emerald-rosalie for the sexy banner! Love you girl! She was a quiet, independant girl who was left broken inside after her mother passed. With nothing left for her in Biloxi, Emma Jane packed what little she could carry and left. She had no way of knowing that the tiny town of Forks held the key to her future and the ingredients to make her a stronger person.


Notes:
Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight, no copyright infringement is intended.


11. Chapter 11

Rating 5/5   Word Count 3005   Review this Chapter

EJPOV

When I was a little girl, my mother would play the piano and I would make up songs to go along with the melody. It didn’t matter if the words made sense, my mother would embrace me and kiss the top of my hair, telling me I was a musical genius. I was no genius.

When the kids at school teased me because my mother was much older than the others were, she would lift my chin with her index finger and look me straight in the eyes. “Never let being different choose your path in life Emma. There will always be someone who doesn’t understand you.” She was always so sure in her advice. I missed her. I knew early on that she was different but that was ok. She was there for me whenever I needed her.

I was fully enjoying being alone with my thoughts. Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett were gone on an extended hunting trip. Esme and Carlisle had escaped to Isle Esme after Alice assured Carlisle he wouldn’t be needed for at least three days. As far as I knew, Edward and Bella were locked away in their cottage but they would not bother me.

As much as it hurt to admit it, Jake had been keeping his distance since Christmas. Moira was my only company. She was an excellent little friend but not my first choice for recipient of a New Year’s kiss.

I fell back along my bed, forcing a quick breath from my lungs. Grabbing my iPod, I shoved the buds in my ears and pressed play.

My thoughts drifted once again to my childhood. I tried hard to avoid the memories of mama while she was sick but it was almost unavoidable. Those were the last true images my brain had stored. Her spirit was gone, wasted away by the disease until she barely clung to whom she used to be. I bathed her, shoved pills down her throat and kept her company. In the moments I stole for myself, I was pissed. I called her every name in the book for putting me in such a hard position though I would never tell her to her face.

I was only eighteen, straight out of high school. In theory, I should have been ready to set out on my own, pave my own way. In reality, I was terrified.

The morning she left me, I lost it. There was a point where I could not even cry. I had never felt so completely alone and uncomfortable. What was I supposed to do? Sure, the necessary tasks were taken care of but no one happened to mention how I was supposed to move on. I carried my desk chair across the hall and sat, staring at my mama’s empty bed, silently willing her to come back. It was then I felt the ache. A dull, dry ache in my heart; the only place my mother remained.

I felt that ache again. I felt it every time I imagined living my life without Jacob. My eyes truly saw him then, my heart truly loved him. Alice was right, go figure. I didn’t give myself nearly enough credit.

I sat up quickly, my head spinning from the change in angles. My fingers dialed Jake’s number by memory.

“Hey EJ. What’s up?” He sounded normal enough to me.

“I need to talk to you Jake. Would you want to come over and spend New Year’s Eve with me and Moira?” My foot bounced up and down nervously.

“Well, as long as Moe is gonna be there, sure.” He chuckled lightly.

“My puppy is not a Stooge.”

“What are you talking about?” How could he not know? He watched more TV than I did.

“The Three Stooges . . . Larry, Curly and Moe. Oh never mind Jake. Just get your ass over here and bring some pizza. It’s your turn.” Just another reason I loved him. He was impervious to my bossy nature.

He sighed. “All right. I’ll be over in an hour.”

True to his word, Jacob let himself in sixty minutes later with a case of soda and pizza. His lips pulled back in an automatic grin when he saw me. I took a little more time than usual getting ready. Alice would be so proud. Looking good was imperative to what I was going to tell him. Of course, unveiling my song, written just for him, would make it easier.

“I haven’t seen you much lately.” I tried to sound nonchalant.

“I was giving you space EJ. The last thing I want is for you to feel crowded.” He handed me the box so I could set it on the kitchen table.

“That doesn’t mean you have to avoid me completely.” I grabbed two plates and we settled ourselves on the couch to watch the countdown. “I missed you.”

He grinned unabashedly. “You missed me huh? I could be wrong but I think my charm is finally breaking you down. Was it my rugged good looks or my shiny winter coat?”

I laughed, almost choking on my drink. “It was the fur, definitely.”

“Gets ‘em every time.” He told me, clearly kidding.

After Jake polished off the last of the pizza, I cleared our plates and returned to stretch out on the couch. He sat upright at the opposite end with my feet across his lap. The silence was oddly comforting and I decided to make my speech later.

“Where’s the rest of the family?” Jake asked me with a bland look on his face.

“They’re all off doing their own things. I have my life all to myself for the entire weekend.”

He nodded in acknowledgment. “So, what did you want to talk to me about?”

Shit, I was hoping it slipped his mind. “Later. Let’s just relax and keep each other company.” I threw my arm over my eyes.

His huge hands slid easily over my tiny feet, massaging them until I was close to drooling. Alice and her high heels of death were not feet friendly. They were torture devices cleverly disguised as fashion.

“Tell me more about your life before Forks.” His eyes bore into me and I couldn’t refuse.

“Well,” I started, “I didn’t have any friends. None. I’m sure it sounds unbelievable but it’s true. My mother kept me busy with everything imaginable. Piano lessons, guitar lessons, voice lessons and anything else she could sign me up for. Sometimes I wonder if my life would have been different if she had me younger.”

“Why did she wait so long to have a baby anyway?” He asked, rubbing my toes lightly.

“I don’t know. I never asked her.” I pondered the question silently. Still, the images of her lying motionless on the bed weaseled their way back in. I grimaced.

“What’s the matter EJ?” Jake pulled me vertical and onto his lap.

I exploded into tears. “I miss her Jake, so much. I’m so pissed at her. How could she leave so many important things out and expect me to be a normal person?”

Jacob rocked us back and forth a bit, stroking my hair. His right hand squeezed my upper arm, trying to calm me. “Believe it or not Emma, you are the most well adjusted person I’ve met so far. You carry around life altering secrets like it’s no big deal.”

I cried even harder, covering my face with both hands and trying to catch my breath. Sleep must have taken over at some point because I regained consciousness stretched along the length of the couch. The room was quiet except for the low hum of the television. Jake came through the front door with Moira under his arm.

“You took her out for me?” I threw the blanket back and rose to take the puppy into my arms.

“I’ll just let her do her business on the rug next time.” He dodged my half-hearted swing.

“Sorry for falling asleep like that.” I mumbled, embarrassed over my behavior.

“Don’t be.” He waved his hand emphasizing the point. “It’s almost eleven.” The green numbers from the clock on the DVD player reflected along the planes of his face.

“There is something I want you to hear.” I set Moira down on the carpet and moved slowly to the CD player on the bookshelf in the corner of the living room. My fingers paused, giving me the time to change my mind if I wanted. Feeling braver than ever, I pressed the play button and returned to stand in front of Jake.

“Are we gonna dance?” He asked me, clearly confused as I grabbed his hand and pulled him toward me.

“I wrote you a song Jake. This is your Christmas gift from me.” My voice was unrecognizable. There was an electric current running through my body as we stood there in my apartment, holding one another and listening to the opening chords of his song.

Every note, every lyric took me to that place I belonged. Writing that song was the most honest thing I had ever done and the feeling it gave me was indescribable. The look on Jacob’s face was worth it.

We swayed back and forth evenly. I could feel his chest rising and falling in deep breaths as he listened to the words I had written only for him. It was that exact moment that I knew. Nothing would ever be the same again. I would not and could not continue without Jacob Black by my side.

We had our moment. The moment when you know you have lost yourself completely to someone you thought didn’t exist. The moment your heart leaps into your throat and breathing becomes a chore. His eyes shone in the soft light from my Christmas tree as he looked down at me, smiling.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” I ran my fingers across his face, across his lips.

“No one has ever written me a song before.”

Good. “I’ve never written anyone a song.”

He bent slowly, testing my reaction. I sighed as he kissed me and parted my lips allowing him to caress my tongue with his. It was my first kiss.

There was no conversation after that. The cd played on repeat as Jake and I kissed each other senseless in the living room. His hands left my face and began to roam my body, testing their limits and gauging just how far I was willing to go. I moaned when they found my rear and lifted me clear off the floor. I circled my legs around his waist and threw my head back in pleasure. No man had ever touched me that way and my heart was bursting as I realized waiting was the best decision I’d ever made.

“Emma?” He asked hesitantly as I ran my hands under his shirt and over the muscles in his chest. There was a strange look of uncertainty on his face. “I’ve never . . .”

My hands flew to his mouth before he could finish the thought. I shook my head side to side and whispered, “Me either.”

His hold on me lessened and I stood on my feet. Grabbing his hand, I led us up the stairs and into my bedroom, closing the door behind me.

He sat nervously on the edge of the bed and I took the sight of him in from my spot near the door. I released my hair from its ponytail. Slowly my fingers worked their way to the hem of my shirt and I pulled it up, over my head, leaving my breasts bare, and in Jake’s line of sight. I felt awkward and unsure but didn’t let it show. I wanted our first time to be special and judging by the low groan in the back of his throat, I was on the right track.

“Damn EJ. You’re sexy as hell.”

I laughed, genuinely amused. He always did have a way with words.

I let him take control from that point on. It was awkward and beautiful all at once. We explored one another, taking in every freckle, every scar. Jake was surprised to discover more than one tattoo and laid a kiss on each one. I was surprised at his confidence and his strength. The desire in him to please me was evident as his fingers caressed my skin in various places. His strong hands held me gently and I would never forget a moment of it.

We fell asleep well after midnight. After the New Year had come and gone.

I wanted to spend every moment with Jake; I loved him and could not live without him. In the back of my mind, I knew the consequences I could pay for loving him. Somehow, I had to move on and be happy. It was worth everything, just to be happy with the person I loved.

~*~

“Emma Jane! I can’t believe you had sex.” Alice exclaimed.

“Oh, now everyone in the house knows. Thanks Alice.” I rolled my eyes and continued flipping the pages in a fabrics catalog. “Why are we still talking about this? I don’t hear other people walking around discussing their sex life.”

“Did you expect any less?” Rosalie asked from her spot at the computer desk. She shook her head, clearly disapproving of my choice.

It was one long, agonizing week ago that Jake and I lost our innocence to one another. Alice was so happy I thought she might throw us a party.

“Speaking of parties, have you ladies come up with a theme for EJ’s birthday?” Edward asked softly as he entered the house through the front door.

I gave him an incredulous look. “Are you serious Edward? You’re planning what to wear?”

Rose was next to me on the sofa before I knew it, her face amused. “Don’t you see EJ? He has to talk Bella into wearing a costume. Bella is not a party person; I will be shocked if she even shows up.”

Alice glared at Rosalie. “Why are you so bitchy tonight Rose?”

Edward smirked. “Emmett is away for a few days.” Rose stuck her tongue out managing to avoid looking completely immature. “So ladies, theme?” He asked.

“We’re going for decades. You know sixties, seventies, eighties etcetera.” I half smiled, hoping the idea wasn’t too corny. I still was not quite convinced on why we needed a theme to begin with.

“It is an excellent idea Emma, well done.” Alice assured me. “I can order you and Bella something Edward, just let me know. We don’t have much time left.”

He nodded and left us to our own devices.

“I should make sure Jacob has something to wear. You want his tux to match your dress.” Alice stated more to herself than to me.

“You mean I have to breathe dog the entire party?” Rosalie asked annoyed. “Really EJ, I had you pegged for a young woman with taste.”

I rolled my eyes, tossing the catalog on the table. “You can always stay home.”

“You tell her!” Alice yelled from upstairs.

“I have really got to get home. Moira is probably bursting. She hasn’t been out in a few hours.”

“Tell the wolf I said hello.” Alice glided down the stairs gracefully and hugged me tight. “Love you.” Her tiny voice whispered in my ear as she pulled away.

I let my mind wander on the short drive home. Alice was constantly telling me she loved me. I know it bothered her; not seeing what was in my future. Reassurance was the role I played in that situation although I wasn’t sure myself sometimes.

When I pulled into my driveway, Jake was standing in the drive watching Moira chase her tail. He smiled and waved when I pulled up.

“Hey.” I spoke quietly.

He grabbed me by the waist and lifted me to his level, kissing me gently. “Moe had an accident in the kitchen. I cleaned it up for you.”

“Thanks.” I picked my puppy up and rubbed her nose against my own. “Did you have an accident little one? I should have come home earlier.”

Jake and I were essentially playing house. He spent most of his time on my side of the duplex. Most of his things were on my side and that was only in the past week. My stomach filled with butterflies every time I thought of the possibilities. I could be a wife or a mother. Two things I never once considered before.

“Alice is going to call you I think. She has to make sure your tux matches my dress for the party.” I told him while dropping my purse on the recliner.

He chuckled and wrapped his huge arms around me. “It’s your birthday Em, whatever makes you two happy.”

“Don’t you mean Alice? Whatever makes Alice happy? I could care less what you wear because I will be intoxicated.” I tapped his cheek and jogged up the stairs to change.

“I didn’t know you drank.” He called up the steps after me.

“I don’t drink. That’s the point.” I skipped back down the stairs, excited.

Jake sat down and pulled me onto his lap and I squealed in surprise. “Can I take advantage of you while you’re drunk?”

I couldn’t quite tell if he was joking but the statement turned me on, oddly enough. “Hell no. I’ll be to busy making you my bitch.”

The disbelief in his expression set me off. I laughed until I couldn’t breathe, my hands grasping the ache in my side.

“We’ll see.” He informed me amidst my laughing fit.

He shifted me from his lap and went upstairs to shower. I watched his retreating form wondering how I got so lucky. Sure, my life was far from normal but it was my life. Murphy’s Law would catch up with me eventually but until then I would enjoy the ride and the scenery.