Move over Emily, there's a new wolf girl in town!
This is a SKIT! I pray to God you all know what that is lol
1. Tell me more and I can help
Rating 5/5 Word Count 2144 Review this Chapter
T: Ow, my ribs... I think I may be suffocating...
L: But when you're a vampire you don't need to breathe-remember Tolley? Tolley? *pokes Tolley* Jasper -you did remember to make her into a vampire didn't you! Jasper!
T: *lies lifelessly on the floor having suffocated from laughing too hard at Looney's crack-fic...*
*Jasper walks into room*
J: Looney, you've killed Robyn. You know, now I'm gonna have to come round your house and drink your blood!
*Jasper sobs tearlessly over Robyn's dead body*
*Looney walks out the room and upstairs*
L: Now as long as I'm not cornered by-Hey Emmett.
Em: you seen Tolley? I want to just say how wonderful her crack-fics are
L: Thank the lord he hasn't seen mine yet... I mean yes, and give her this *gives Emmett a phoenix down*
L: See – phoenix down – that means she can come back to life!! *Looney runs away because she knows Emmett is now after her*
J: *reads through Looney’s crack-fic again* 0.o ‘"Edward?" A moan echoed from upstairs.’ So... Robyn and I are in a wardrobe, and you're moaning Edward's name? I am very afraid... Well, at least it's slightly better than Robyn's *shudders* I mean, honestly! Did you dare her to use an adult shop or something? *shudders* That is something I never want to imagine...
L: Well... you see Jasper… May I suggest we watch this interesting video that Esme taped? It's really very good... And why am I moaning for Edward upstairs may I ask?
*Jasper makes Robyn forget to breathe*
*Robyn passes out*
J: Sweet, now I can use the computer! What videotape? It's one of the lines from your story, near the end. What's Emmett doing round your place anyway?
L: Well, I had to get someone to reach the Frisbee from the roof...
J: Uhuh. You know, six is also an evil number? It's not as bad as 2, but still... *prods Robyn* Damn, she's still unconscious...
L: *waves brownie under nose* Tolley wake up – I have brownies – hang on I HAVE A BROWNIE *Looney gobbles brownie* Stand back Jasper, this'll wake her up. She likes fire right? *splashes Tolley with water* still unconscious hey... Hmmm by gum, I've got it!
L: Tolley-JASPER'S STRIPPING!
T: WHAT?!? *leaps up and grabs Jasper* Damnit Looney, you lied!
L: I didn’t lie...I just didn't tell the whole truth (he was taking off his sweater) But then again… I could probably make him if there was a good game of dares going on. You know my talent for that game...
T: *eyes widen* Jasper... Let's play internet dares...
J: With who?
T: Uh... You know, you, me... *mutters* Looney...
T: *puppy dog eyes*
T: *puppy dog eyes*
J: What are you doing?
L: HEY GUYS! I'M TOTALLY UP FOR IT!
J: Great now look what you've done...
T: YAY! Let's play!
L: Jasper kiss Tolley properly.
J: Why am I first?
L & T: BECAUSE WE WANT YOU TO!
T: *dazzled* Yeah…?
E: Hey guys, what's happening?
L: Sh! I’m trying to get Jasper and Tolley to kiss properly. You know with tongues. Because you don't let me! *pouts*
E: You know that's because of the venom…
L: WELL IF YOU CHANGED ME WE WOULDN'T HAVE THAT PROBLEM! IN FACT EDWARD ANTONY MASON CULLEN –
J: Dude; how does she know your middle name?
L: - IN FACT – I DON'T CARE WHO BITES ME! I'M NO BELLA, IT'D BE NICE FOR YOU TO, BUT I'M FINE! JASPER, GET YOU BUTT OVER HERE NOW!
T: *pouts* But Looney; that butt has my name all over it and you know it!
L: *sobbing* I DON'T CARE! JASPER – BITE ME DAMN IT!
J: *scared* Err...
L: Do it and I’ll let Tolley use my whip!
J: 0.0 I’m coming over right this second.
E: Looney… JASPER DON'T YOU DARE!!!!
L: *innocent* But honey; that's the whole point of dares!
T: Jasper Damnit, get your shmexy vampire arse back here now! I have my own whip you know! And there is no way in heaven nor hell that Looney is going to be vampire-ised! Have you any idea he torment we would go through with HER hanging around for eternity?!?
J: Ok, ok I get the point, Jeeze... *trails back*
E: Thank you Tolley.
T: I didn't do it for your benefit retard. And DON'T CALL ME TOLLEY!
E: Eep... *runs away to play piano like the cissy girl he is*
J: Hang on Robyn, don't you play piano?
L: Yeah, Tolls, you play piano too! Don't you diss my boyfriend! *pushes*
T: Oh no you didn't!
L: Oh yes I did!
T: Oh no you didn't!
L: Oh yes I did!
T: Oh no y- Wait, you did! *slaps*
Es: Now really, what is going on here? OMC, Edward, you have DIRT on your NOSE!!! *whips out polishing cloth*
J & T: We'll be going now...
L: W-w-w-w-w-hy did you... *cries*
E: *pats on back* It's okay, it's okay.
Es: No it's not – THIS DIRT WILL NOT COME OFF! WHY ARE YOU SO DIRTY!
L: Trust me; she does not mean it the same way I do.
J & T: Eeewwww!!!!
L: Just because you guys are too scared to kiss longer than 5 minutes doesn't mean the rest of the world doesn't!
J & E: …
T: That hurt Looney!
L: So did that slap! *points to hand mark on face*
J: I really think we should go now; I hear someone coming-
L: IF IT'S BELLA I'LL KILL HER! *Looney pulls out chainsaw* Anyone care to join me!
T: Count me in!
E: But you were just fighting...
T: Dude, we're girls. we fight; make up, friends for life. NOW LET'S GO BURN THAT GIRL’S-
T: Burn that girl’s Carlisle? Looney you alright?
L: NO, CARLISLE! AND HE HAS A LONG STICK WITH MY NAME ON IT! AAAAAAAGGGHHH *jumps into Edward’s arms* Quick – to the Batmobile!
E: Wha…? Stick? Err… *is worried because of the wrong images filling Tolley’s mind*
Alice: Bu-but who's going to let me do their hair?
L: Try Carlisle. Or Esme. It’ll hold them off for a minute! Au revoooooiiiiiirrrrrrrr…
L: WHY DO I ALWAYS END UP HALF NAKED?
E: Maybe we should take off that underwear if it upsets you so much...
J & T: Eeeeewwwwwww! GROSS! DIDN'T NEED YOU TO DAMAGE OUR DELICATE EARS THANKS!
L: Just go and burn Bella. And take out Carlisle and Esme. And then post Alice to GW will ya? I'm going to be busy for a while...
T: o.0 That's enough Looney! Esme, loan me your neutering stick!
Es: But Robyn, you have your own under your bed!
T: Good point... *rummages under bed* Jasper, this was my favourite bra! *throws broken bra over shoulder* Ooh, Smarties! *eats Smarties* ... Nail file, lip-gloss, eye shadow, knickers... Damn, I can't find it!
J: Is it on top of your wardrobe?
T: Maybe... Come give me a boost so I can check...
J: Fair do-seys... *puts Robyn on shoulders* Nice view.
T: Hey! *hits around head* OW! MY FINGERS!
C: Did somebody wail?
L: Aaaaaaahhhhh! It’s Carlisle!
E: Shhh, Looney, we're hiding, remember?
L: Oh, so that's why we're in the cupboard? And here was me thinking we were in here for a WHOLE different reason...
T & J: *gag*
L: Oh shut up! Just 'cos you is like, total frigid innit!
E: Looney, what's with the chavvy accent?
L: I dunno...
T: Well, we can always change that! C'mon Jazz, we're going on a road trip!
J: Where to?
T: Where else?
T & L: CANDY MOUNTAIN!!!
5 minutes to candy mountain later…
L: WE'RE ALL GOING ON A LION HUNT!
T: Awww – but the magical leopluradon is up soon!
E: Lion-where? *looks around furiously*
J: Dude, you just hunted!
E: Oh yeah.
*Delia comes out of the bushes*
D: Hey you guys; were you following the leprechauns too?
T & L & J & E: Err...
Es: YES! THEY TOOK MY HOVER! ATTAACCCCKKK!
*Esme charges randomly into a tree*
T: Good for you then. Let's go....
L: Edward, can I ride you?
J: EW! – NOW THAT WAS DIRTY!
L: For once in my life, I didn't mean it that way...
T & J & E & D: *blink* Really?
L: Uhuh. But now I do!
E: Let's do it when we can be alone – okay?
L: *pouting* Sure, sure...
T: Oh no, she's taken the dog's saying now...
D: Ooh! Butterfly!
L: Did somebody say muffins?
E: Err... No...
Es: Aaahh! Squirrels! DIE SQUIRREL BEASTS DIE!!!
J: Squirrels? Where? *jumps into Robyn’s arms*
T: Look! It's the magical leopluridon!
J: Where? *leaps out of Robyn's arms*
Em: Ooh, I'm so thirsty... OMC, A MAGICAL LEOPLURIDON!!!
L: Emmett! You KILLED THE LEOPLURODON!!!
T: Hey, I think you spelt Leoplurodon wrong...
Lex: *appears from thick air wearing Emmett's tutu* Poof! I will kill you all! Or just whoop yo ass on KINGDOM HEARTS!!!
T: NO! YOU CAN'T!
L: Tolls, you don't play Kingdom Hearts.
T: Oh yeah... I knew that! *falls down hole* OW! I... Meant to do that...
All: Sure you did...
L: All I’m saying is that it was a surprisingly well placed hole!
Lex: Dudes; why am I in this tutu thing anyway? It doesn't go with the whole 'whoop yo ass thing' I was just talking about!
T: DOES NO ONE CARE THAT I'M STUCK DOWN THIS HOLE! AND I THINK I BROKE A WRIST!
C: Is it painful?
T: YES YOU IDIOT!
C: *Mr. Burns impression* Excellent...
*Tasha giggles evilly*
*stage whisper* E: Is she okay?!? *points to Tasha*
Em: Dude – you’re the one with the girlfriend called Looney.
L: Yes – but I would like to point out; I don't eat moon-sugar all the time
T: LOONEY; TELL ME YOU DID NOT JUST SAY MOO-
T: I am going to stay in this hole for a long time now...Good luck all you people up there having to put up with her mess!
Lex: MOVE OVER TOLLS! I'M COMING DOWN!
T: *evil grin* Sorry, no room!
Lex: I bet you'd let Jasper down... Sadly, he ran up a tree. Something about a goo-
L: About a what?
Lex: About a goo-
Lex: ABOUT A DAMN GOOSE!
L & T: Oh…
E: *also up a tree* What are you 'oh-ing' about?
L: You know; I love fan fictions and they’re happenings. Now we just have to wait for the swan and-
Carlisle: SWAN?!? WHERE?!? COME MY LOVE WE MUST RUN AWAY! *picks up Tasha and runs from site*
*Jasper jumps into hole with Tolley, starts to go into foetal position*
J: *rocking back and forth…* They can't find me here... No... Not a chance... I will one day get my revenge... Oh Oklahoma...Buh-bye birdies...
Lex: Dude – your boyfriend scares me....
T: *shrugs* Whatever. Your sock obsession scares me.
L: *shakes head* Youngsters these days… I'm going to join the convent down the road… *wanders off in Nun’s outfit*
All: Whoa, that was a little out-of-character…
J: *sniggering* There, there Edward, it’s gonna be alright!
Em: Dude, don’t be such a wuss!
T: Yeah, run after her and drag her back here!
Lex: Prove your love!
Ta: If you don’t, I will!
T: Ok. I'm tired… I'm gonna make myself a peanut butter sandwich and then go to bed…
Jacob: *frantic* Hey guys, can you get five-and-a-half-foot tall penguins?
T: Not that I'm aware of…
Jake: Dude, I just hit a nun! *panicking*
E: Looney! *sobs* WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS HURT THE ONES I LOVE! *attacks Jake*
T: Dude, isn’t it obvious? He’s jealous!
E: Well, she is very pretty…
Alice: *dragging GW* He’s not jealous of you… He’s jealous of Looney…
J: *laughing* He… Wants you!
L: What I miss? *limping slightly*
T: *laughing* Looney *gasp* the dog – wants – your *wheeze* Boyfriend! *gasp*
L: … DUDE! THREESOME!!!
T: Ooh, can I join in?
Ta: Me too!
Lex: And me!
J: Count me in!
Al: Err… I foresee lots of fun… At the mall…
GW: Again? Alice, we just got back!
L: Wait… *starts counting* One, two, three, four… STOP MOVING!
Ta: Let’s just call it an Orgy and be done with it!
T: *screams from kitchen*
All: *look at one another and run towards the kitchen*
Ta: What is it my love?
J: Hey frizzy, that’s my line! *grabs Robyn* What is it sweetheart?
R: Smooth… smooth…
L: Am I the only one getting wrong thoughts from this?
T: CRUNCHY!!! *grabs Jasper’s shirt* I NEED CRUNCHY!
J: *looks helplessly at Edward*
E: From what I can gather… There’s only smooth peanut butter left…
T: I NEED CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER! *nervous breakdown* Ah! F-f-f-fish! Sparkly! *hysterical laughter* Shoes, mushroom, motorbike, baby, LSD… RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS!!! *starts sobbing* My precious, my precious…