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phone calls

8 years after breaking dawn. Just random hiliarious phone calls between
Edward&Jacob, Bella&Nessie, and Emmett&Jasper. Included: u-arent-good-enough-4-my-daughter-ness, all-men-are-idiots-ness, & lets-reek-havic-on-the-poor-pathetic-humans-ness. Some lauguage


2. Nessie calls Bella

Rating 5/5   Word Count 384   Review this Chapter

Ring. Ring.


“Hi, Mom.”

“Hey, sweetie! So, how’s life?”

“Fine. I’m about to kill Jake, but other than that. How’s death?”

“It’s been good. Alice and I are trying to bail Dumb and Dumber out of jail.”

“What did they do this time?”

“Public Nuisance.”

“They still arrest people for that?”

“If you were a cop, you would arrest Emmett and Jasper if you had the chance.”

“True. What were they doing?”

“Singing the song.”

“You mean the fu-”

“Don’t say it!!”

“Fun song?”


“F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me. N is for anywhere anytime at all down here in the deep blue sea.”

“Yes, that song. But no, it was the other song.”

“Not ‘every one makes mistakes, everyone has no cure’ by Hannah Montana.”

“Yes. I won’t even tell you the worst part.”

Awkward Silence.

“Ummm… Mom?”


“What jail are they at?”


“I’m going to throw Jake in the same cell as them.”

“Man trouble?”


“We’ll put you on speaker, then. Alice, Rosalie and I are the only ones in the house.”

“Uhhhh… O.K.”

“Hi!! Let me tell you what I do when Jasper makes me mad…”

“Don’t you want to know my problem first?”

“Yes… That would work.”

“Well, I get home from the all day shopping-trip the four of us had, and guess who’s there!! Embry, Quil, Sam, Seth and all the rest of the pack. The house was trashed, the stereo was on high, and every one was on a sugar high because there was candy wrappers all over the floor!! You do not want to see the pack on a sugar high. Not good.”

“What did you do?”

“Well, I called Emily, Kim, and all their wives, and at the moment, Jake is spending the night in the closet.”

“I say you get a crowbar, beat the crap out of him, then throw him back in the closet. That’s what I did to Emmett.”

“Emmett did this before?”

“And Jasper!!”

“What about Dad, Mom?”

“Your father has been around longer than dumb and dumber, and thus, smarter.”


“What was that cough Alice?”

“Nothing, Bella.”

“It was something.”

“No it wasn’t.”

“Yes it was.”

“No it wasn’t.”

“Hello, back to my problems!!”

“Sorry, sweetie. We will continue the conversation later, Alice.”

“Whatever. Well, you could foresee what he is going to do, drop, non-subtle hints, like ‘Hannah Montana is bad, Jasper, remember?’ before he does it. Then, go with Rosalie’s suggestion when he does it.”

“O.k. then. I’m off to go beat Jacob.”

“Have fun!”

Hangs up