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Secrets and Lies

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1. Chapter 1

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 2191   Review this Chapter

Claire has a wonderful secret. His name is Quil and he’s big and tall and super-nice and he’s her best friend in the whole world. The only problem is that she’s not allowed to tell her other friends about him.

Quil has a lot of lies to tell. He has to hide his speed and his transformations and his healing and worst of all his love for god-knows-how-many more years, until she’s old enough.

It isn’t that Quil doesn’t adore every day he spends with her. It’s just that he can’t wait until there’s no more secrets, no more lies.


They agree to tell Leah, tell Jacob, and keep it a secret from Bella if it kills them. Charlie is mildly confused by this. Why wouldn’t they want her to know?
Sue and Billy shake their heads. She’s his daughter, he loves her, but…

Leah raves and rants and screams. I get my heart broken, then I kill my father, now my mom’s sleeping with two guys before the year is up?

Jacob shrugs with that look in his eyes that makes Billy want to hurt Bella.

And Bella?

Marries her vampire, dies, what difference does the left-behind make?


Bella pretends Edward doesn’t notice. She meets him at the treaty line every week, every cloudy dismal Sunday. It’s not like they do anything he wouldn’t approve of. They hold hands sometimes, kiss softly once in a while maybe, but never anything more.

They have enough secrets to keep.

Secrets like I love you, I know you, this isn’t how it shouldn’t ended, not walking along the same straight line so neither of us betrays the law. Secrets like I hate you, you destroyed me, you smell awful and I don’t even care I love you too much.

Pretty lies.


When Emily was six her biggest secret was that she hated Leah. She’d always wanted a sibling and Leah had Seth and didn’t even want him. When she finally told Leah this, three years later, Leah laughed.

“You have a sister, silly. You have me.”

When Emily was sixteen her biggest secret was that she hated Leah. It was stupid, it made no sense, but she’d never really forgive the girl for that guilt that followed her Sam everywhere he went. Hated that he still wasn’t over her, hated that despite a thousand promises a part of him was Leah’s.


Jacob leaves the secret tucked behind an old photo of Nessie and him playing out in the snow. She’s beautiful, so beautiful, so why does it make no difference?

He knows she’ll find the note.

Dear Ness,

Look, it was all a lie. I thought it was me, but I can’t hide myself under the imprint. I’m gone, and I’m really sorry for this. Please don’t come after me, don’t make me come back. I can’t say no to you, but I don’t want to say yes.

I’m so sorry.


He turns and walks out of the yellow house.


Red lips. White smile. Ivory skin. Golden eyes. Strawberry hair.

Memories he’s trying to forget. But doesn’t. But can’t.


My kind is easily distracted.


No human could ever distract from this. From these recollections. Teeth and hands and kisses and eternities whispered over the music of his piano, but never quite delivered.


My virtue is the only thing I have left.


She took that too.

White skin and golden smile and red hair and lips stained with strawberry-sweet blood and a heart virgin-white that’s never loved.

He keeps her a secret. He hides her in lies.


Today Jared smiled at me.

It was wonderful.

Kim thinks she’s vaguely pitiful. It’s a sad, lonely, two-line diary entry. And he wasn’t even smiling at her, more like at someone in her vague direction.

Today Jared came back.

It was… confusing.

Kim thinks she’s missing something important. All of a sudden, he seems to know who she is. All of a sudden, he seems to care. No one’s ever cared before. There’s a reason her diary’s the only one who knows about him.

Today Jared explained.

It was perfect.

Kim thinks she’s right to love him. Meant to be.


Secret secret it’s a secret secret secret don’t tell don’t tell don’t tell

It feels like there’s a gag in Jacob’s throat.

But he won’t lie to Bella. He won’t hurt Bella.

It’s physically impossible for him to speak. Who cares? Impossible’s never stopped him before.

“You can get this, honey. I know you can.”

“Jake, I’m just… I’m just exhausted. Maybe in the morning?”

He nods, holds her close.

Secret secret it’s a secret secret secret you have to tell.

Give her all your secrets.

He has to trust Bella. Trust she’ll find out, trust she’ll love him anyway.


They keep it a secret from everyone.

Well, mostly. Embry and Leah are very careful to think of other things, unless Sam’s there. In which case Leah lets the memories rip.

Patrol’s over, they sneak behind a tree, clothes already gone, and he lays her down so gently.

Long empty days full of wandering kisses and softly breaking smiles and he’s everywhere.

Sometimes they’re not quite the right ones.

Embry’s warm brown hands everywhere such sweet kisses and love and Sam, “Sam!”

He asks, Does he know you’re using him?

She wants to kill him. She wants to kiss him.


Secrets lay like gilded candles, burning beautiful and bright. When they’re yours, so lovely, their sweet and private smell singeing the air.

When they belong to someone else…

“Jazz, where were you?”


“Please. Tell me.”


“Who was it?”


“Of course.”

“For a while.”

“Are you leaving me?”


“All right then.”

“Do you forgive me?”


Lies are poison and they fall, fall, fall. Seep deep into your skin, break you to pieces, sting and ache and burn and fester there. Lies don’t let you care. Lies make you bleed and weep but don’t let you care.


Aro lives to keep the secret. It’s his sole guiding force.

Dark night rising bright sun falling…

He sacrifices everything to feed the monster-- the secret. Brothers, morals, is sister.

Falling, falling…

Aro is not a child, but he hides the guilt of eternities in riddles, stories, pretending…

They all fall down…

It makes everything much easier.

Burning against the backdrop of the perfect night…

Now there’s one more secret to keep. He mourns, privately (Did it have to be his sister?) and comforts Marcus. But he’s no regrets. It’s inevitable.

Ashes, ashes…

In the end…

They all fall down.


She always told him she hated that nickname.


It sounds like baby talk, Sam, she’d protest.

Now she’d do anything to be annoyed by it again.

She always told him he really shouldn’t insist on keeping this a secret.

It’s obvious her mom knew anyway.

Really, Sam, nobody waits for marriage these days, she’d protest.

She’s not masochistic enough to dream about that. Even thinking about not thinking about it hurts.

Hands in her hair

Lips gentle against her cheek

that little white rose he gave her before Prom

I love you, Lee-Lee, so much… so much

Such lies!


Lauren hoards secrets. They call her a bitch, but they really have no idea just how miserable she could make each of them.

She knows that Jessica and Mike did it (twice!). She knows that he pinched Bella Swan’s ass in class (the next day!) and that’s why they broke up (and that naïve little Bella never told her controlling boyfriend).

She knows that one gorgeous Quileute boy spends every day with a three-year-old (creepy, much?) and that Sam Uley dumped Leah for her best friend (and never suffered a single consequence).

It gives her hidden power.

She needs it.


“Don’t worry, Bella. You won’t make my mistakes. You’re not me, after all.”

“Charlie, really. I’ve grown up a lot. I can take care of her.”

“Phil, listen. I love you, but my daughter comes first.”

“I don’t know if I can take this job. I have a little one at home, and she’s pretty dependant.”

“Bella’s the brightest kid I’ve ever met.”

“You don’t have to leave town, sweetie. It’s fine. We’ll work something out.”

“I really don’t want her to do this, Charlie, but she insists…”

There’s a fine line between optimism and lies. Renee Dwyer blurs it.


She didn’t know. Honestly, she didn’t. And it’s completely not her fault.

But everyone knows the Volturi don’t really care about fair. They’re more concerned with good and bad. Since they judge good and bad entirely on what could potentially reveal their secret, it tends to leave a decent amount of wiggle room.

The wiggle room was just big enough for Caius’ magic lighter, apparently.

Liar, liar… pants on fire.

She wonders if they’ll mourn.

It’s not such a shame, leaving a life that was too long anyway and empty besides.

But she hopes at least one sister will remember.


Rosalie wears white only the first time she marries Emmett. It’s a color for girls.

A color for virgins.

At the first wedding, with Edward in a morning suit he insists is an anachronism and Esme carefully lacing up the back of the beautiful, colorless dress, no one mentions the unspeakable.

The blood-red elephant in the living room.

Rosalie looks at herself in the mirror, pale cheeks slathered with rouge to create the picture of the blushing bride, hair intricately braided, dress snow-white.

She wants to rip it off and scream.

This is her wedding.

It’s no place for lies.


“God, is she all right?” Renee asks. Walking through the door, before even greeting him.

Always was abrupt.

“Her boyfriend left. I think… her heart’s broken.” His voice is odd and awkward to his own ears.

“That’s no excuse. People go through these things all the time.”

Rush upstairs, offer Bella anything, turned away.

Renee descends the stairs with her fire undimmed. She’s confused, not hurt. She never is.

The next day, one try later, she packs up. Her pretty new life awaits. Before she goes, she asks, “How’s everything, Charlie?”

He can’t answer. He can’t lie.

Not to her.


Leah’s biggest secret: she wasn’t surprised when Sam left her for Emily. Not even a little.

Sam’s a fucking fairytale, and she’s no princess. Besides, life likes to screw her over.

She’s a little taken aback by how much it hurts. Apparently no amount of preparation can help with this. But she makes it through.

She runs the woods, fur the color of wind, smokes cigarettes, blood-red in the night.

She’s not living her happily ever after, but at least she’s living.

Sometimes, she asks, “How could you?”

It’s a lie.

She knows.

If I were any good for that…


If you saw them for a distance, you’d see nothing more than an abnormally large pack of wolves, subdued forest tones, before you ran for your life.

You’d never see the truth about them.

Fatherless, nameless, directionless…

Needs a hero to worship…

No one ever takes him seriously…

Bitter and broken at eighteen…

So guilty it’s actually physically painful…

A two-year-old, fourteen years to wait…

Bound forever in a perfect eternity no one bothered to ask if he wanted…

Breaking into pieces because he’ll never be as good as his nemesis…

Secrets are just another thing they have to protect.


One day, she whispers it in my ear. “I should have picked you,” softly.

I can’t answer. The shock is too sudden and too strong. And she never mentions it again.

Not once, in the next century and a half. Just that one time, two days after I proposed to Nessie.

When my son is born, when I touch his tiny sleeping face, I look out the window at Bella’s face. She watches us sometimes. Edward thinks it’s ‘cause she misses her daughter.

Far be it from me to shatter his dream world.

But I whisper, “Yeah. You should have.”