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Living on the Edge

Summary:
When Edward leaves Bella he lives on the edge, quite literally. Standing still on a cliff for what seems like a million months gives a guy a lot of time to think. The moments leading up to Bella's jump from inside Edward's head. His thoughts of his life without Bella. [one shot]


Notes:


1. On the Edge

Rating 5/5   Word Count 607   Review this Chapter

I stood at the edge. I could feel the wind pushing gently against my back urging me off the face of the cliff. I wished it would succeed: I don’t deserve to live. I hurt a human being. – The only human being that matters. But I was too much of a coward to end it.

Not that it would kill me.

I never wanted to live without seeing her face in my mind, or hearing her voice echo through my stone body, charging my organs with life. She made me feel so alive. I almost felt good enough for her, I almost felt human enough.

But I wasn’t.

The wind whistled through the trees, whispering her name to the skies that held the lonesome moon lamenting my loss to the stars. Nature was calling me, wanting me to return to her. Or maybe it was just me, thinking that’s what it wanted.

But it didn’t.

Not really. I wasn’t good enough for her. I wanted so much to hear her laugh and wipe my troubles away with her smiles and gentle kisses… But it wasn’t fair, not on her. I wanted her soul. I fed off her life. Being with me made her want to leave those things behind, to join me in my frozen state.

I could never let that happen.

My muscles ached already from the lack of movement. – Or maybe it was lack of Bella. I’d stood like this for many months, willing to fall. To be pushed. To die. To be put out of my misery, but to drown in it just the same. She washed over every part of me as I tried to remember her voice, but it was fading… Still there, but just a distant memory. I could taste her on my tongue and I wanted her more than ever. But I couldn’t have her.

It wasn’t fair.

I would have to visit her soon. – But she couldn’t know, she wouldn’t. I would live the rest of her life taking peeks, just enough to survive off. I would be there, paining, when she met the man she loved, when she raised her kids, when they went to college... I would soak up her happiness and live off that until I ran dry.

I would always return for more.

It would be my new source of food. I could live off her and all that she gave me. I needed nothing else. I just needed her happiness. Her life. But not her love. I could not live with her love. I would always want it, but having it for myself was the most selfish thing I could ever ask for.

I am a monster enough as it is.

Edward. An image flashed through my mind.

BELLA, NO!

I had to save her, to make sure she had that life. But she was gone. The image went black. I couldn’t see her future through Alice. She was gone.

I would be too. It was only a matter of time before I couldn’t live without the possibility of seeing her… The very thought of it was too torturous.

… But maybe we could be together, in another way. Maybe, just maybe Carlisle was right.

I ran, losing myself in the wind that no longer whispered but screamed in my ears. I was a fool. I should have stayed closer. Without me, who could protect her?

No one.

It was all my fault.

Oh Bella, I love you. You are the most important thing to me. – The most important thing to me, ever.