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Perspective

Summary:
Edward told Bella he had talked with his father and brothers regarding their wedding night. This is my version of that missing moment from between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn and includes what Edward and Bella do to prepare for their first night together as husband and wife.


Notes:


12. Chapter 12

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1913   Review this Chapter

We crossed the Canadian boarder just after ten. Carlisle and Jasper were consumed in thoughts about their wives. Thankfully those thoughts were chaste ones. Emmett was going over all the hunting possibilities. He was hoping to come across at least one grizzly this weekend.

My mind was on Bella of course. I hated to leave her. I always hated to leave her. After only two hours apart I could feel the emptiness growing inside me. The knowledge that I would be away from her for the next few days was causing a pull in my silent heart that was not pleasant.

Trying to turn my mind to something productive I began going over the information I’d obtained last night. Bella wanted to touch me. Closing my eyes I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed in frustration trying to find a way to accommodate this development and what I…we were going to do about it.

Jasper turned to look at me, questioning me in his mind if I was all right. I gave him a brief nod and tried to settle my emotions once more. There was no reason for Jasper to suffer just because I was.

I knew Bella wasn’t being unreasonable. I would be touching her so of course she would want to do the same. She loved me.

From what I’d been told, we were still more than an hour from our destination. At least focusing on this new problem would help to pass the time.

I forced myself to relax back into the seat and closed my eyes taking slow deep breaths to keep myself calm. It was a beautiful day. The windows were down and I could smell the forest and all the life within it surrounding us, the varying scents of my family mingled in.

Once I felt completely relaxed I settled in again on this new…complication. I didn’t like that word. It made it seem like Bella’s desire to show me her love was a negative thing. It wasn’t in the strictest sense. Or it wouldn’t be if I were human. But I wasn’t.

As I had been doing for the last few days, I let my mind remember last night in vivid detail. It wasn’t as if Bella had never touched me before, she had. She’d touched my hand, my arm, my face, my hair. She’d even touched my chest and my back though clothes. But last night…her dream…

Her hands hadn’t remained on my chest as they had in the past. Of course, she had not realized what she was doing but it didn’t matter. I did. Or at least I did eventually. What would have happened if I hadn’t stopped her?

I knew if I still had a heartbeat mine would be racing right now just as hers had been. Even if I had still been human, last night I would have stopped her. We’d agreed to wait to try and we would. But the night in question, our wedding night was now three weeks away and, while I was getting better at controlling myself, I hadn’t factored in having her hands on me in any other capacity than they had in the past. That was stupid. I knew that now.

Building my tolerance and practice were the best methods of achieving my goal. During our last session I’d been able to stay in my loves arms for nineteen and a half minutes. And I hadn’t hurt her. That was progress.

When I returned, as much as my conservative upbringing shied away from the idea, I would have to discuss this with Bella. Just as with everything else in our relationship we needed ground rules. Bella was going to be my wife and she was right, I needed to be able to discuss these things with her even if it made me uncomfortable.

The jeep slowed as it came around a corner before Carlisle turned the vehicle to the left. We were on a dirt road now heading deeper into the woods. I could hear no other thoughts but those of my family. No humans were near.

After another twenty minutes we came to a stop. As we exited the vehicle, Emmett was barely able to contain his joy. “This is going to be great!” he shouted.

“Your going to scare everything away from us, you know,” Jasper said.

“Pfft,” Emmett waived Jaspers comment away. “That just means more fun chasing them down.”

“Yes. Well,” Carlisle said as he took off his jacket and threw it into the back seat, “Shall we get started?”

Emmett didn’t wait for any further invitation and took off to the right. Jasper shrugged and two seconds later was following after him. Carlisle remained with me. When I didn’t immediately follow my brothers, he raised his eyebrows in question.

“I’m fine,” I said and then took off after Emmett and Jasper.

A few seconds later, I heard Carlisle following after me. His thoughts were full of concern as we ran. I wasn’t pushing myself. Emmett and Jasper weren’t far. They were a mile ahead waiting for us. They’d picked up several scents of large game. I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my lips when I heard Jasper’s thoughts confirm that one of those scents belongs to more than one mountain lion and that maybe that would make me happy.

We all came to a stop together in the clearing. For the first time this trip all their thoughts were of me. They were waiting. Instead of answering any of them I closed my eyes and found the scent I was looking for. Slipping down into my hunting croutch, I took off.

~

The sun was setting and we had all gathered back near the jeep. Emmett hadn’t managed to track down a grizzly today but he was hopeful he would find one tomorrow. We didn’t need to sleep and could hunt in the dark but typically on these outings we would spend the evenings together; at least for the most part. It was a time for bonding. A time in the past when I was not excluded given I had no mate. Bella had changed that in many respects except one. I couldn’t hunt with her. Not yet.

My thoughts of Bella and her upcoming change began a title wave of emotions. Excitement. Fear. Shame. I was jumping emotions quickly; going back and forth as each thought crossed my mind.

Edward!

My eyes found Jasper’s. “Sorry.”

Carlisle and Emmett now had their focus on me as well. I could still hear the worry in their minds. “I’m fine,” They all looked doubtful.

I didn’t want to discuss this with them. They all knew what I was about to do and the risks. The pity in their thoughts was too much. I needed space. Without a second thought I got up and I ran.

Hitting my full speed in no time, I ran until I could no longer hear them.

~

I’d been sitting in a small grove of trees by myself for just over an hour before I heard him coming. Carlisle. He was reciting a recent lecture he’d read. I suppose I should be grateful for that. At least it was better than the pity I had felt coming from them earlier.

He slowed as he approached me. Silently asking permission to invade my privacy. “It’s ok.”

Taking a seat a few feet away from me he remained quite, still blocking his thoughts from me. We sat in total silence for several minutes before he finally spoke. “I’m sorry, Edward. We didn’t mean to upset you.”

I just nodded. It was dark but I knew he could see me.

Again we sat. The forest would have been quiet to human ears, but I could clearly hear the bustling of life all around me. Carlisle was still with me as we both listened.

It was me who finally broke the silence. “Do you ever regret it?”

He turned his face to me. We were alone so he spoke his thoughts aloud. “Esme you mean?”

Of course my father would know where I was going with my thoughts.

He leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees, folding his hands together. “Sometimes,” he sighed. “Bella is different, Edward. She is choosing this.”

I stood and walked to the other side of the clearing. “She doesn’t understand what she’s choosing.”

He walked over to me and laid a hand on my shoulder, silently asking me to face him. “She does. She has prepared as much as she can.” Before I could respond, he continued. “Is that what is bothering you so or is it the wedding?”

We were standing close now. I knew I could be honest with Carlisle. “It is everything. What if after I…change her she hates me for it?” I was expecting an immediate denial but he just sat there waiting. “And then there is the wedding or…well after the wedding. I’m still not sure I can give her what she wants.”

Carlisle took his time. He watched the mixed emotions race across my face. “Edward. Son. I’ve known Bella for long enough to know how she feels about you. I don’t believe she could ever hate you. She is your mate and you are hers.” He gave me a moment before he continued. “As for after the wedding…you will have to trust your own judgment and control.” Again he paused. “Was there something specific that’s worrying you? You seem more distraught today.”

Perceptive. Carlisle was just as perceptive as Bella and she didn’t have vampire senses yet. “It’s…it’s Bella.” I turned and faced my father. If I was going to jump, I might as well do it head first. “Last night in her sleep she reached for me.”

His eyebrow rose in question.

“She was dreaming about me…us…together.” I paused to make sure he understood my meaning. He did of course. “I didn’t realize at first what… I knelt beside her bed in case she needed me. I didn’t expect her to reach for me but she did.” I turned away and sat down on a fallen tree. Carlisle remained where he was. Waiting. “Bella has reached out for me in her sleep before but it wasn’t the same.” I paused trying to figure out how exactly to communicate this to him and decided her actions really didn’t need to be explained, only my discovery. “She is going to want to touch me and I do not know if I will be able to let her.”

Comprehension filled his face when I looked up and he finally moved to sit beside me. Instead of offering advice he asked, “What are you going to do?”

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose again. “I have no idea. I want to make her happy.”

He reached out and placed a reassuring hand on my knee. “I know you do. What are you doing now to prepare?”

A sarcastic laugh escaped me. “Practice.”

“Practice?”

“Trying to push my control when I’m with her. Staying close when I would normally pull away.”

“Is it helping?”

“Yes.”

“Well then… I would say to continue. Have you…talked to Bella?”

“About her touching me? No. There wasn’t time. I know I have to though.”

He just nodded in response and stood to go. “I will leave you alone now if you want.”

I nodded. I did want to be alone for a while longer. “Thank you.”

He turned to leave. “Carlisle?”

Stopping he turned around again to face me. “The wedding,” I said.

“Yes?”

“Bella is having Alice stand up with her and I was wondering if you would…”

A huge smile broke out on his face and joy filled his thoughts. Of course Edward. I’d be honored.

I smiled back and watched him go.