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Perspective

Summary:
Edward told Bella he had talked with his father and brothers regarding their wedding night. This is my version of that missing moment from between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn and includes what Edward and Bella do to prepare for their first night together as husband and wife.


Notes:


20. Chapter 20

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 1967   Review this Chapter

I pulled up to my house minutes after I’d left Bella. Saying I was anxious about tonight’s ‘practice’ with Jasper would be putting it mildly. I had no idea what to expect. And after my reactions to just my thoughts and feelings about Bella this past weekend, my fear of losing control was a very real possibility. I tried to take comfort in the fact that this was Jasper, that Bella would be nowhere near me during this.

Making my way into the house, I headed into the living room where I located Jasper and Emmett playing a video game. Emmett looked up briefly, “Want an opportunity for me to kick your butt, Edward?” he smirked.

I forced myself to relax and answer him casually. “Maybe later.”

I seriously doubted I’d be in any condition in a few hours to play something as civilized as a video game. The controller might not survive. With that aside, however, I had promised my love I’d be back before she woke.

Jasper glanced up and caught my eyes. I’ll meet you out back in ten minutes.

Giving him a short nod, I headed upstairs. I made a quick phone call to change our dinner reservations for Friday night and then selected one of my favorite CDs. The soft, gentle melody calmed me as I lay back on my bed. Her scent was here and I let it flow through my senses as the music took over.

Before long I heard movement out back and knew Jasper was waiting for me. Turning off the music, I opened my window and jumped out onto the moistened soil. It had only misted today but the ground here never seemed to completely dry.

He gave me a quick nod but we didn’t speak. We just started running.

As we ran, my mind naturally flowed to Bella. It wasn’t even ten yet and I wondered if she would already be up in her room. I wouldn’t be coming tonight so she would probably go to sleep early. I smiled. It was too bad I’d miss her talking tonight. After our time today I would love to have heard what her subconscious had in store for her.

Bella had not been outraged in the least by my clear need for her over the last couple of days. I don’t know why exactly I’d worried about her reaction to that part of me, but I had. Bella had no brothers and I had no idea if she has seen what a man looks like before. Well I did know she’d at least seen pictures in school, but in person I didn’t know.

For me, it would be a first…sort of. I had seen pictures over the years in every form. And of course there were the glimpses I’d gotten through my gift, although I tried very hard no to pay attention to those. I’d also seen a cadaver many years ago naked but her legs were closed. We were studying the digestive system and it’s organs so other than a quick glace over the entire body I’d not paid much attention. I knew seeing Bella, really seeing Bella, would be very different.

Jasper and I ran for almost thirty minutes before stopping in a small clearing. Is this ok? He asked me. I scanned to see if I could hear any thoughts besides our own but there was nothing. I nodded and we both took a seat on a fallen tree.

Neither of us moved for several minutes. This was very awkward. For both of us. “Thank you for agreeing to do this, Jasper.”

He gave me a nervous smile but didn’t say anything immediately. I could tell he was trying to gather his thoughts and center his emotions. At last he spoke. “Why don’t we start with something simple?”

Jasper moved to stand a few feet away from me. I raised my eyebrow in question. “What did you have in mind?”

“Did you and Bella have any sexual contact recently?”

I shifted nervously but answered him honestly. “Yes.”

He smiled a knowing smile that only a brother would. “Good. Okay, now close your eyes and think of that time. Relive it. Let your emotions flow freely.”

I did as he asked. I choose to remember yesterday and our time on her couch. It was perhaps the closest sexual encounter we’d had. I remembered feeling Bella’s lips connected to mine, her softness, her warmth. How she leaned into me and lifted herself onto my lap. The feel of her curves molding to my hands. I could feel every muscle as it moved, every bone.

As I remembered her hands tangling in my hair, my breathing picked up slightly. I was still in complete control and enjoying reliving this moment. Each time a whimper of pleasure crossed her lips, the pace of my breathing increased.

Then the moment she’d moved, pressing herself fully against me was remembered with all of the emotions that had gone with it. “What just happened, Edward?”

Jasper’s voice broke through my concentration. Confusion was in both his mind and on his face. “That’s where it stopped.” Feeling I needed to clarify, “We stopped.”

His head tilted to the side in thought. “Why did you stop? It didn’t feel like you were losing control.”

I shook my head. “No. I wasn’t,” I pulsed. “There were…other reasons.”

He looked at me again and then must have decided he didn’t want to know. “Okay. Let’s try a different approach.” He looked as uncomfortable as I felt. “How far have you and Bella…” he made a motion with his hand.

I felt an instinctual growl of protectiveness brewing deep in my chest and suppressed it. Jasper was trying to help me. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose as I forced the words out of my mouth. “Kissing mostly,” I pulsed. “And some touching.”

Jasper’s voice grew very serious. “Edward, are you going to be able to do this? I mean the wedding is in two weeks.”

I looked at him in desperation. “I have no idea, Jasper, but I promised her we would try and I will do everything in my power to make that happen. “

He picked up on the determination flowing through my body and nodded. “Let’s get back to it then.” Even with that comment we both remained where we were not speaking or moving for several long minutes. “What would you like to try next with her?”

I thought about it and remembered her dream and then again last night. She wanted to touch me. He must have seen the emotions of both pain and pleasure flow through me. “Okay good. Let’s go with that. Imagine whatever your thinking about and I will gradually intensify the emotions, okay?”

Nodding assent, I closed my eyes and began to imagine Bella and I lying in her bed. I’m on my back and she is hovering over me. Knowing I needed to make this as real as possible, I added the memories of her scent and heartbeat.

Bella leaned in to press her lips to mine. It was a soft kiss, a simple one, but it sent waves of pleasure through to my toes. Her mouth leaving my lips, she ran small kisses down my cold jaw as I’d done to her many times before and continued on a path down my neck to my collarbone. My arms wrapped around her as she shifted lower and her hands began to move. They rubbed up and down my torso through the material of my shirt several times before her fingers found the hem and became pulling it upward.

The anticipation of her touching me without the barrier of clothes sent a spark of excitement through me. And even though I knew it was all in my mind, my body reacted just the same. I knew I should be embarrassed with Jasper here and a part of me was but I pushed it aside. This was for Bella.

I imagined what it would feel like for her fingers to touch my flesh. Would she touch me softly or with more pressure? The not knowing was almost more exciting. I wanted to find out.

It was then I felt Jasper’s influence. He was heightening my emotions, my reactions. He was trying to push me. I tried to ignore him so I could concentrate on this wonderful fantasy I was having.

Her hands brushed, first softly and then with more force, up and then back down again on my cold skin. Warm hands caressed my body causing ripples of pleasure to flow through me. I pulled her tighter wanting to feel not just her hands but also her body against mine. We’d never been this close and the desire was overwhelming.

Tangling my hand in her hair, I pulled her lips to mine. I kissed her with all the force I could, all the while trying to control the intensity of what was flowing through me. With my other hand on her hip I pressed her against my erection wanting her to feel my need for her now that I knew it was okay.

Hands and fingers continued to stroke my chest as I pulled her closer, held her tighter, kissed her with more passion. My breathing was erratic. I could hear it echoing through the forest but my focus stayed on Bella. I needed her. I wanted her. I couldn’t get her close enough.

A crunching sound brought me back to reality as I looked down and saw a hole in the tree I was sitting on and a ball of what used to be tree in my fist. Jasper tried to send a calming wave though me but it was still tinged with arousal. I looked up and he was breathing just as hard as I was. This was as difficult for him as it was for me. He was feeling everything I was feeling, everything he was intensifying for me he was experiencing himself.

I opened my fist and released what was left of the broken tree. Dropping my head to my knees, remorse filled me. Jasper closed the distance and sat beside me. We were quiet for a long time.

The animals began to stir from their night’s sleep and I knew it was time we were heading home. Before we could go, however, I wanted to make sure Jasper was still alright with helping me. This had been intense and I hadn’t even begun to imagine Bella and I actually being together intimately yet. “Jasper, I know this is hard for you. Don’t feel like you have to do this for me. I mean, I know Alice…”

“Edward, I’m not doing this for Alice.”

This took me by surprise. “What do you mean your not doing this for Alice? Who…”

“I’m doing this for you. You and Bella. It’s the least I can do.”

And then I saw it in his thoughts. He was remembering Bella’s birthday. “Jasper you know we’ve both forgiven you for that.” After all, what I’d done had been much worse.

“I know that. And I’m grateful. But that doesn’t change the fact that I can do something to help you both that no one else can,” he pulsed. Standing up, he turned to face me. “I want to do this for you. Let me do this for you.”

I nodded my agreement. “We should be heading back.”

“Got a hot date?” he smirked, trying to break the tension that still flowed through both of us.

I gave him what I hoped was a light punch in the arm but it was packed with more force than I’d anticipated. “Yea I do.”

He lurched to return the gesture but I’d seen it in his mind a fraction of a second before he reacted and jumped out of the way. Not giving him the opportunity to try again, I took off toward home trying to release the energy encompassing my entire body as I ran.