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Perspective

Summary:
Edward told Bella he had talked with his father and brothers regarding their wedding night. This is my version of that missing moment from between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn and includes what Edward and Bella do to prepare for their first night together as husband and wife.


Notes:


24. Chapter 24

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 1759   Review this Chapter

Bella and I sat on her bed for the next two hours reading and talking. It took me a while to open up and I knew she was a little frustrated with what she viewed as my old fashioned ways. I just didn’t want her to ever feel like she wasn’t special to me.

We talked about what might be possible before her change and a little about our desires after she was like me. Even now as she lay here in my arms sleeping, I was having difficulty wrapping my mind around what she’d confessed to me.

My love was just as innocent as I was in regards to sex but she’d thought more about us being together than I’d realized. Bella had actually thought about, dreamt about, me using my mouth on her. And while she was still human. She asked me if that was possible. I was honest and told her, as with a lot of things, I didn’t know.

I was fairly sure the basics of it were possible. My lips would just need to be kept firmly covering my teeth. That was not my concern though. All I could remember was the one time I’d had my nose so close to her scent I could almost taste her. Just the memory sent a jolt of heat deep in my stomach.

Her desire for me to do this for her, and my want to do this for her, made me remember my time with Jasper. We were going to have to push things. I needed to be as ready as possible. I could not have Bella ending up broken like sawdust in my hands.

Bella shifted in her sleep, causing the blanket between us to slip and I pulled it back up to cover her. She mumbled my name and I placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Her hand moved from its place over my heart to the curve of my neck. I held myself still as she pulled herself up to tuck her face into my shoulder. If I didn’t know she was still asleep, I would have been nervous.

She stayed in that position for a few minutes only releasing a few sighs of contentment. I once again adjusted the blanket and wrapped my arms around her.

My eyes closed as I picked up where I left off in my thoughts. Jasper. Next time. Next time we needed to explore the feelings of flesh on flesh. I needed to know what emotions I would feel when Bella’s body was pressed completely, wholly, against mine.

My love moved again but this time it was different. Her hot breath picked up against my neck and I felt her heart do the same. The hand that was only seconds before resting calmly on my neck began to move in slow caressing strokes down my chest.

I held my breath. This could not be happening. It was too much. My mind couldn’t seem to shut off from this desire plaguing me and when I thought I would get a brief respite while Bella slept, I now found myself in the position of either waking her or allowing her to touch me as she might.

There was no doubt as to my wants. I wanted Bella’s touch. I wasn’t sure I could handle it though. Could I stop her without waking her? I had before but she’d not been entangled with me as she was now.

Just then her leg moved to drape across mine and brush ever so slightly against my groin. I bit my lip to stifle my groan. Then she said my name. It sounded so wonderful on her lips and I knew then I didn’t want her to stop. I would let her do this for as long as I could stand.

Bella’s lips moved ever so slightly against my neck releasing tiny moans and pants. Her hand continued to rub my torso and I had to hold my breath every time she grazed my nipple. I was trying to will myself to relax. Telling myself to breath and concentrate on Bella.

Amazingly, it was working. My hands clinched into fists but I was almost instantly able to relax them back against her. Her hand was staying in fairly safe places, which was helping. I had no idea what I would do, how I would react, if she went lower.

Our discussion earlier was obviously penetrating her thoughts as it was mine. I couldn’t blame her for her actions. There was a part of me that wanted to flip her over and take her right here no matter what the consequences.

That part of me brought with it shame. We only had eleven days to go. Eleven days and she’d be my wife. I took a deep breath, burying my face in her hair so the burn would intensify down my throat to distract me.

Then Bella moved. I pinched my eyes shut and breathed deeper, faster. Her hips were making little pumping motions against my side.

I could feel myself growing and realized there was nothing I could do to stop it other than remove myself from her completely. My hands were clenched in tight balls and my teeth were locked together. My right arm pressed her tighter against me and I ripped the offending arm away from her, grabbing a fist full of lifeless blanket instead.

She continued to move and I was doing all I could to hang onto my control. I could hear the whimpers growing ever frequent from her lips. Her hand gripped my shirt and began flexing almost in rhythm with my own hand still trying to hold her but failing in its attempt. Then I felt her body move roughly against me, grinding against my hard flesh three times before a hard moan escaped from her lips and her whole body jerked.

Bella seemed to relax for a second before her body stiffened and I knew she was awake. She raised her head slowly to look at me. I was still trying to regain my control with my hands flexing, trying to release the energy flowing through my body at what I’d just experienced.

Her eyes held mine. I knew I had to look like the wild animal I was. Not wanting to scare her, I closed my eyes. Bella’s hand came up quickly to touch my face. “Don’t.”

I opened my eyes again. The latest shift of her body moved the blanket, sending a rush of her to my nose. The growl erupted deep in my chest with no hope of stopping it.

Within a second I had Bella on her back, pinned beneath me. I didn’t give her time to react. My lips took possession of hers. I knew I was pressing too hard but I needed to feel her. I needed to taste her. The smell of her passion still lingered in my nostrils even though it was now contained within the blanket surrounding her. I didn’t need the scent. I had the memory of it and it was intoxicating. I was addicted to it more than I’d ever been to her blood.

Bella’s hands held my hard shoulders while I assaulted her mouth. And assault is the only word for what I was doing. My hard mouth pulled at her lips forcing them to conform to what I wanted, what I needed. My tongue slipped between my lips to lick at her beautiful pillows, now swollen from my harsh touch.

I felt her fingers push against my skin and knew she needed to breathe. I didn’t want to leave those lips that were calling to me but I knew I must. My tongue took a long lick along her lips and then I forced myself away.

As soon as my mouth released her, Bella gasped for air and it was like a human having ice water thrown on them. The guilt washed over me and I froze in mid breath. I lay unmoving while her breath came back to normal and then I forced myself away.

Rolling over, I was on my feet before Bella even realized I was gone. “Edward,” she said softly. “Edward. Don’t go.” She reached out for me.

How could she even want me near her after what I did? I shook my head. “Bella I…I…”

I remained frozen at the side of her bed. She pushed the blanket away from her and the scent that had sent me into a craze hit me again. My fist clenched at my side and my eyes closed in concentration.

Bella was moving closer to me. Her heat and her scent were in front of me in mere seconds. She reached out and one by one took my hands and pulled at my fingers until I unclenched my fists. Keeping my eyes closed, she tugged at my arms and I let her place them around her soft form.

She placed one warm hand on my face, the other on my chest just where my heart would be. “Look at me.” I did. “I’m sorry.”

My arms contracted with her words and the guilt of what I was pulsed through me again. “Bella, you have no need to apologize.”

“Yes I do.” I started to speak but she stopped me. “Edward, I know what I did and… I know it couldn’t have been easy for you.”

I shook my head. “I should have woken you. I knew what was happening.”

“Are you sorry you didn’t wake me?”

“No,” I said without thinking. It was honest but I knew it was the wrong answer when I saw Bella smile.

“Good.”

I shook my head again. “How can you say that? I almost… You saw what almost happened.”

She was caressing my face again, trying to calm me. I was still upset but it was working. “Exactly. Almost.”

“Bella…”

“Edward you stopped the minute you thought you were hurting me just like I knew you would. You won’t hurt me. I know you won’t.”

She didn’t give me a chance to answer her this time as she move out of my arms and back to the bed, wrapping the blanket around her. Bella reached out for me and as always I couldn’t say no. Getting back into the bed, I lay down beside her and she snuggled close.

I lay listening to her breathing slow as she drifted back to sleep. The guilt I felt for the way I’d acted tonight was still present but there was also a sense of hope; hope that Bella was right. Hope that I would not be able to hurt her. I held onto that hope like a life raft as I watched the sun rise outside of her window.