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Perspective

Summary:
Edward told Bella he had talked with his father and brothers regarding their wedding night. This is my version of that missing moment from between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn and includes what Edward and Bella do to prepare for their first night together as husband and wife.


Notes:


26. Chapter 26

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2224   Review this Chapter

As it turned out, we didn’t have to leave the house. When I returned from my talk with Alice, I found Bella engrossed in a video game with Emmett while Jasper looked on. My brother had double the points she did but my love wore a huge smile and didn’t seem to care. The afternoon continued like that with Jasper, Emmett, Bella and me trading off playing the winner of each game.

At five, I took Bella home. I pulled up to her house but didn’t turn off the Volvo. Bella sat for a minute waiting for me to shut the car off and get out. When she realized I wasn’t, she turned toward me. “You’re not coming in.” It was a statement.

“No,” I gave her a small smile and reached out to touch her cheek. “I thought maybe you’d like to spend some time with Charlie before we leave tomorrow.”

She must have seen through my veiled attempt at deflection. “Will you be back tonight after Charlie goes to sleep?”

I sighed. “No.”

Her head leaned back against the headrest and she closed her eyes briefly before looking at me again. “Jasper?” she asked.

I nodded.

Neither of us said a word for several minutes and I felt the tension building inside me. What if she didn’t want me to go? Last time she had said she was okay with it, with what I was doing. What if she’d changed her mind?

I closed my eyes and felt her move beside me. Then her warm hands came to rest on my face. I sighed and opened my eyes to stare into her beautiful brown ones. “I love you,” she whispered.

Then her soft, warm lips brushed against mine. I reached out and pulled her closer, deepening our kiss. She let me lead as I slowly moved my mouth against hers.

I pulled back slightly and rested my forehead against hers. “I’ll miss you.” She pulled her lower lip inside her mouth and I bit back a growl. I wanted to kiss her again but I could hear Charlie only a mile or so up the road. I moved farther back in my seat and she released my face. My fingers came up to brush first her lips and then her cheek before trailing down her neck. “I’ll pick you up at two?”

She nodded. “I’ll be ready.” Then she smiled and peeked over my shoulder. I knew she could see Charlie. Leaning in quickly, she gave me one last quick kiss before hopping out of the car.

I didn’t need to look to know Charlie had gotten out of his cruiser and took in the fact that I was not following his daughter in the house. He was wondering if something was wrong; if we’d had a fight. I quickly dispelled that though when I turned and waved at him with a smile. Reluctantly he smiled back. His thoughts were resigned, if still worried, as he disappeared into the house behind Bella.

~

When I arrived home, Jasper was waiting for me. I could hear the rest of the family upstairs. Neither of us spoke as we made our way out of the house and began running. As we got farther from the house though, Jasper’s thoughts turned back to the curiosity of earlier today and Bella’s smell.

My first instinct was defend my mate and I could feel the low growl building in my chest. I suppressed it though as my mind began to ponder how we might be able to use what had happened to cause that smell. That, of course, would mean I’d have to share what had happened with Jasper.

I sighed, resigned. I’d asked for Jasper’s help. If he was going to really help me, it would mean talking through some things. And as much as I didn’t want to, I would. For Bella.

We arrived in the same clearing we’d been in two nights ago just as the sun was beginning to drift below the mountains. Everything looked just as we’d left it including the fallen tree now with a hole the size of my fist in it.

Jasper and I stood in place for a moment and then moved to mirror our positions from the other night. I sat. He stood.

Remaining silent I could tell he was deliberating whether or not to ask me about Bella. I took a deep breath to calm myself, “You can ask, Jasper.”

He shifted his weight to his right foot before speaking. “Did you and Bella…” his voice trailed off.

Jasper didn’t finish his sentence out loud but in his mind it was clear. He wanted to know if Bella and I had had sex last night. “No,” I answered him. “No.” His eyebrow raised in question. “She… She had a dream.” There was still a question in his mind. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “She dreamt of me…of us. And she…”

Suddenly the tone of Jasper’s mind changed and I knew he now understood. “You were there?”

I nodded. “Yes,” and I felt my breathing quicken remembering Bella in my arms last night panting against my neck.

He was sampling my mood. “Wow. That must have been…interesting for you.”

I shook my head and looked across the clearing into the trees beyond. “You have no idea.” And then with a solemn tone I added, “I almost hurt her.”

With that admission, his own tone changed to one of concern. “What happened?”

I head dropped into my hands in shame as I recounted the night’s events to him in detail. He listened without responding; even his mind was blank to me. When I finally finished, I raised my head to look at him waiting for his disappointment in my loss of control.

What came out of his mouth next surprised me. “I think Bella’s right.”

“What?!” I said, standing quickly. I began pacing. I couldn’t believe he’d just said that.

Jasper remained where he was but followed me with his eyes. “I agree that you lost some control, Edward, but Bella is right in that you reigned yourself back in the minute you thought you were hurting her.” He must have sensed my rebuttal to his statement because he cut me off. “I’m not saying that you should stop trying to prepare yourself for what you two are about to do. And I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be cautious. But we’ve talked about this. You are going to lose control and you are going to have to deal with it when it comes.”

I looked at him with pleading in my eyes. “I can’t hurt her.” It wasn’t a statement. It was begging, pure and simple.

He nodded his understanding and straightened. “Where do you want to start?”

~

We started with Bella’s dream. I sat on the ground and closed my eyes and allowed my mind to drift.

Bella’s warm body lay beside me, content in sleep. Her length shifted as she began to dream sending whiffs of her floral scent up to me. My love’s breathing began to change, hot against my cold skin.

I felt the rhythm of my own breathing pick up as the sensations of last night flowed through me again. I could see the flush of her skin. Feel the weight of her leg as it rested on me.

So caught up in the moment, I barely registered Jasper gradually intensifying the emotions. A small part of me wanted to change the sequence of events; wake her up, or dart from the bed. I resisted though. If this were to work, I would have to work through this and much more.

And so I pushed. I pushed away any thoughts of escape and allowed the scene to overtake me. If I was going to make an error, I wanted it to be here with Jasper, not with Bella.

I could smell the scent of her arousal now. My body reacted just as it had that night, only more, as difficult as that was to believe.

My memory came to the point where I threw myself away from her but I resisted it. I didn’t want to pull away and for once I allowed myself to indulge. The seventeen-year-old boy wanted to grind his hips against her and feel the heat she had to offer. I followed the impulse reminding myself that Bella wasn’t really here and I couldn’t hurt her.

A low growl tore from my chest as I thought of feeling her against me. She’d been happy with the visible sign of attraction for her before and I permitted myself to imagine her reacting favorably to my obvious need.

I was pressing harder now; trying to touch her in any way I could. We were still clothed but that didn’t stop me from feeling every bone and muscle in her body. It didn’t stop the memory of her scent, her heat, her blood rushing through her veins.

All of a sudden I felt a change in the intensity of my emotions and heard my name. It took me a moment to realize it wasn’t Bella it was Jasper.

My eyes flew opened and look of concern covered my brother’s face. I looked down and saw once again, my hands had destroyed what was in their possession. Quickly, I threw the grass and soil away and stood. “I’m going to kill her,” I muttered.

Jasper was silent for several minutes, waiting for me to calm down. When our eyes met, I found a note of sympathy. It was sympathy I didn’t want. This was going to work. It had to.

I walked back over to my place, sitting on the log this time. Closing my eyes, I began again.

~

On our second attempt, I’d done better. Although I hadn’t been able to control the growl from escaping from between my lips, I had managed to keep the pressure in my hands controlled. The tree had not obtained any new damage. And with a sigh of relief we decided to move on.

Sunrise was only a few hours away when Jasper asked me if I needed to get back. “No,” I paused. “Bella isn’t expecting me until this afternoon.”

He knew what I was asking. I wanted to practice more. “What do you want to try next, Edward?”

Again I took a deep breath I didn’t need. This was going to be difficult. By speaking these words Jasper would know exactly how little Bella and I had actually done in the way of physical intimacy. I had to do it though. I knew I did. Steeling myself, “I want to…know…what it feels like…” I paused again to take another unneeded breath. “to feel each other…without…clothes.” I said the last word with gritted teeth.

I heard Jasper take in a sharp breath. His mind was racing over what this meant. “No wonder you think you’re going to hurt her.”

I closed my eyes. “I know.”

He sat and looked at me for a long moment. “Okay.” When I looked at him again he just nodded letting me know he was ready.

I closed my eyes again and let my imagination take me. I pictured Bella lying beside me. We weren’t wearing clothing, but I kept my focus on her face. The urge to look was strong. My vampire senses provided me with a good image of what my love would look like without clothing but I tried not to think about that. I knew from experience that no matter what I thought she would look like would be a thousand times better in reality. Bella always exceeded my expectations. I pushed the impulse aside. I didn’t need to know what she’d look like. I knew she would be beautiful.

“Okay,” I whispered so Jasper knew I was ready. In my mind I moved closer to Bella and tapped into my memory of the parts of her flesh I knew; her hands, her arms, her legs. Then…

On some level I knew it was Jasper’s influence; knew that what I was feeling wasn’t real. But the thought of Bella and the emotions I felt were very real to me. The intense pleasure of skin sliding against skin sent a roar from my throat not once but twice.

Air was rushing through my lungs at a quickened pace. I could smell everything around me but it was separate. It wasn’t part of where I was; with Bella.

I wanted her closer. I needed her closer. My arms pulled her into my embrace and my lips pressed against hers.

My eyes flew open when I felt two hands grip my shoulders. Hands, I realized didn’t belong to my love. I found Jasper staring at me

It took me a second to focus but when I did, what I saw frightened me. Through Jasper’s mind I saw myself. My eyes were dark and wild. He was trying to suppress the carnal desire flowing through both of us and calm me, but it was too unfocused.

“I’m okay,” I said through gritted teeth.

Jasper released me and stepped back giving me some space. I realized then that I was standing with no memory of doing so. Looking, I saw more damage to the tree.

Bella.

My head hung in shame. That could have been Bella.

Jasper must have sensed my distress. “Maybe we should stop for tonight. I think you need to hunt.”

“No,” I shook my head. “I’ll hunt later, on the way back.” I went to take my seat on the ground again, placing my palms flat against the soil and closing my eyes. “Again.”