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Perspective

Summary:
Edward told Bella he had talked with his father and brothers regarding their wedding night. This is my version of that missing moment from between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn and includes what Edward and Bella do to prepare for their first night together as husband and wife.


Notes:


34. Chapter 34

Rating 5/5   Word Count 4037   Review this Chapter

The hour it took for Jasper and Emmett’s return seemed much long than it should have. I spent it up in my room trying to block out the other minds in the house. It worked for the most part, but an occasional clear thought would make it’s way through and interrupt the peace I was trying to find before going out with Jasper.

When they finally made it through the door, I knew I was in trouble. Emmett’s thoughts, as always, were open and direct. I had no idea what Jasper had told him about our phone call, but he knew, or at least had his suspicions on what we were doing. He was not going to let this chance to tease me pass him by.

Bypassing even his wife, Emmett headed straight up the stairs to my room. He knocked on the door but didn’t wait for my permission before entering. Not that I had a choice in the matter.

“So little brother, I heard maybe you weren’t such a prude after all. I thought maybe I could come with and see if I could help,” he said with a mischievous smile.

Getting off the bed, I walked over and turned off my stereo. “I don’t think that would be a good idea. Or appropriate.”

He raised his left eyebrow and chuckled. “Appropriate? Only you, Edward.” Then he sobered a bit. “I am a little hurt though that you didn’t come to me. I mean I know Jasper and Alice…well they definitely don’t have ‘problems’ in that department, but everyone knows Rose and I…”

I cut him off before he could continue. “It isn’t like that, Emmett.” Although I was hoping to be able to leave it at that, I knew better with his current thought of ‘yeah, right’ followed by his imagined view of our expeditions.

Running my fingers through my hair, I took quick note of where everyone else was in the house. Alice and Jasper were in their room, but I wasn’t really concerned with them. Esme, was out back working in her garden thankfully. But Rose, she was downstairs going through a fashion magazine; there was no doubt she’d hear every word.

Looking at Emmett once again, I realized I had no choice. I would have to tell him or he WOULD end up following us.

Yes, Edward, he’ll follow you if you don’t tell him. Alice’s thoughts came through loud and clear.

So with a sigh, I said, “It isn’t what you think. There really isn’t a lot of ‘discussing’ involved.” And before his perverted mind could make something totally inappropriate out of what I’d said, I added, “He is using his ‘talent’ to help me. Feel things.”

I made sure to say the last part with extra emphasis, hoping he’d understand. Of course he didn’t. “Sure,” he said with his arms crossed, rolling his eyes. “I’m sure you just sit in the forest while he sends you fuzzy feelings.”

Groaning, “Not exactly.” He responded by raising his eyebrow again. “Emmett! Do I really have to discuss this with you?!” I shouted losing my temper. “This is personal!”

“Yes,” he said determined. “You REALLY do. Or, if you’d like, I could just go with you and see for myself?”

He was blocking the door and although I was sure I could get around him with a little effort, I wasn’t sure I could do it without causing damage to the house and Esme would not be pleased with me. It hadn’t escaped my notice that Rose had now completely abandoned any pretense of NOT listening to our conversation either. Great! Not only did I have to bare my private life to Emmett, whom I knew would find some way to embarrass me with it, I would also have to deal with Rose and her opinions.

“Fine,” I said, resigned. “I…think…about Bella and Jasper…enhances what I feel.” I paused and looked at him pointedly. “There. Are you happy? Can I go now?”

I tried to go around him but his arm shot out to stop me. Again I could have avoided it but what was the point; he’d have his say one way or the other.

He looked me over and burst out laughing, and then he slapped me playfully on the back. You’re fantasizing?! Oh man, my baby brother is growing up!”

Emmett actually faked a sniffle. It was my turn to roll my eyes at him. “Am I allowed to go now? I’d like to get back to Bella before she wakes up in the morning.”

Wow, those must be some fantasies.

This time I just pushed past him and he let me by without a fight. “Don’t forget, Edward,” he laughed so hard it shook the walls around us. “I’m more than willing to help too.”

I really couldn’t get Jasper and I out of the house fast enough. Luckily, he must have felt my urgency because he was waiting in the hall for me when I came down the stairs.

We ran to our usual spot and to be honest, I was sort of looking forward to tonight. I wanted to relive our weekend together, with a few variations. This was about pushing myself, and what better way to do that than to visualize what I’d wanted to do with Bella rather than what had actually happened.

The moment Jasper sensed my change in thought, I noticed. Maybe you don’t need my help anymore, Edward.

I doubted that. “Your help would still be greatly appreciated, Jasper.”

He just nodded and waiting for me to do whatever it was I was going to do tonight.

But instead of sitting on the log as I’d done in the past, I lay down flat on the ground. I could hear the question in his mind, but he didn’t voice it.

Closing my eyes, I selected the memory I had of her from this weekend walking out of the bathroom in that next to nothing black shorts and tank top. This time, I allowed myself to take in and dwell on the way the outfit hugged every inch of her body and accentuated the curves of both her breasts and her hips; the feel of both as I pulled her into my arms.

Vaguely, I registered Jaspers movement across the small open space but I was too caught up in my memories. Memories I was going to alter.

Picking her up, I carried her over to the bed and lay her down gently. Her eyes were wide and expressive. She wanted this just as much as I did. My lips found hers, allowing her to feel the edge of lust searing through me.

Just the thought of kissing her like this caused my body to react. It seemed like it took less and less with every passing day to have me more than ready.

Soon my lips on hers were not enough. I wanted to taste her, everywhere.

Trailing open mouth kissed along her jaw line, I made a path down to the pulse point in her neck. Ah, the glorious feeling of her life beneath me. It was amazing! And then her response… my Bella, as always, arched her head just slightly to give me better access. Her trust…

Every sensation, every memory of our times together sent heat flowing through me from head to foot before it found a home in the center of my body.

Following the line of her collarbone, I brushed my lips against her skin remembering the soft feel of it against my hard lips.

Instinct kicked in as I neared her breasts, telling to me stop, but this was in my mind and I didn’t have to stop myself, didn’t have to remember the boundaries. I did what I’d wanted to do more than anything that night; I pulled the straps of her top down one by one giving me access to her soft mounds.

Leaning down, I kissed each nipple reverently and watched as it reacted to my cold temperature. I knew they were soft, softer than the rest of her. Just the feel of them through the thin fabric of her top had been enough to threaten my sanity. What would it be like without any barriers between us? A ripple of desire shot through me at the thought.

Then I felt a building of sensation faster than before as I buried my head in between her breasts, remembering the extra intensity of her scent there. I knew Jasper was now with me on this ride of feeling but I wasn’t focused on that. All I wanted was her. My Bella.

As I pulled away slightly, Bella arched her back, asking me to continue. And as always, I could not deny her request. My lips and tongue explored the delicate flesh causing those delicious moans I’d heard this weekend escape her throat.

My exploration continued and her breathing picked up. Ever so gently, I trailed my nose down from the center of her breasts down to her stomach, pushing the material out of the way as I went. Bella’s flesh flushed beneath me and I knew my breathing was no longer steady either.

Gripping her hips, I pulled her closer. She gave into me willingly, as she always did, her hands coming up to weave through my hair, tugging, pulling. Her body was moving beneath me, trying to get closer, but yet I could tell she was trying to remain still at the same time, the way she always tried for me.

I didn’t want her still though. Here in my mind where I could have her anyway I wanted her… What I wanted was her as completely out of control as I was.

The fire was building quickly inside me. I felt the power thrumming through my fingers. I wanted to taste her. She was so beautiful, so precious to me. And I wanted all of her.

Saturday night, I was granted a small sampling of what Bella held in her most sacred place. A part of me rebelled against what I wanted but it didn’t matter because I did want it. And more than that, Bella wanted it too.

When we’d begun reading the book together and talking, I honestly hadn’t considered that she’d thought about us making love in detail. The vastness of my error was startling. Bella’s admission that not only did she want my mouth on her but also hers on me had left me speechless at first, I didn’t think she was serious, that she was just saying what she thought I wanted to hear. I soon learned different though as we began to talk more and truthfully I wanted all those things.

My fingers curled into her flesh as the feelings of need and want flooded through me. I wanted her closer. I needed to feel her skin bare against mine as I took in her scent from her most hallowed place.

I commanded my muscles to relax and they did. A little. A part of my mind said I should stop and see exactly how much damage I’d done but I resisted. I didn’t want to leave this place yet.

Her shorts were easy to strip away leaving me with only Bella. She was completely bare before me. Open. Wanting everything I was willing to give her.

I lowered myself between her legs and breathed deep. The memory of her scent sending my entire body ridged. Without stopping to think, my lips made contact.

My eyes flew open as I felt the soft ground fill my hands. I looked to my right and saw my hand completely buried in the soft earth.

Bella.

Looking back up to the sky, I pulled the memory of her lying peacefully asleep in my arms to calm myself.

Jasper was roughly fifty feet away from me trying to accomplish the same task in his own way; his mind was full of battle strategies. I blocked him out for now. The only thing I wanted to think about, needed to think about was her.

After about an hour, we’d both calmed down enough to attempt again. The second time was better, as it usually was. I knew I was improving, but would it be enough? Would Bella and I really be able to make love in six days? I had no answer to that question other than we would try.

Running back, Jasper asked me how things were going with Charlie. I told him about his comment Monday that caused Bella’s anxious response the previous night. He was sympathetic to all the parties involved. And while I could also understand where Bella’s father was coming from, and why he had the concerns he did, that didn’t make me happy with him regarding the subject. I knew she still struggled sometimes with the possibility of my leaving, and to have it put in front of her like that… I didn’t like it. I didn’t like to see her hurting.

Alice met us, as always, about a mile from the house and our eyes briefly met before she conveyed her thoughts to me. She’s going to have some questions today, Edward.

Although I was a little confused by her comment, I wasn’t overly concerned; Bella could ask me anything she wished. I had no secrets from her any longer.

The sun was up by the time I arrived at her house. She was wake. I felt a pang of guilt that I’d not kept my promise to be there before her eyes opened to the day. And even worse, I could hear Charlie moving around downstairs.

Bella was still in her room and as soon as I felt confident her father was otherwise occupied, I scaled the wall. Silently I brought myself through the open window landing in a crouch. Even though I made no sound, she knew I was there. Her heart skipped a beat and I heard a quick intake of breath before she turned to face me.

Beautiful.

I hated leaving her at all and I knew she missed me just as much. Opening my arms, she didn’t waste a second crossing the room and wrapping herself around my hard body. Burring my face in her hair I took a deep breath enjoying the burn.

Bringing my hands up, I laced them through her brown locks molding my palms to her scalp. Her head raised ever so slightly as her lips invited me to partake. Not willing to forego the invitation, my mouth found hers soft and pliable. Bella’s lips molded to mine, moving in unison as we said our hellos.

Her hands tried to find purchase on the hard unrelenting skin of my back. I allowed myself to think how different this would feel once she was like me, and just the thought of it made me pull her closer. It was so wrong of me to want her like this but I would not relinquish my hold on her. Ever.

Our lips separated, but I was not ready to let her out of my arms. We’d been apart for an entire day and I needed her. My mouth slid to the pulse point of her neck, and the memories of last night’s fantasy came rushing back. I couldn’t help the groan that escaped my mouth as her skin lifted and fell against my lips.

Bella’s arms tightened around me, her head nuzzled into my chest. “I missed you.”

Placing another kiss at the base of her neck, I cupped the back of her head with my hand and just held her. “Today, I am yours for as long as you wish.”

I felt her smile. “I won’t let you go.”

My chest vibrated with my mirth. “I can live with that.”

There was movement at the bottom of the stairs. “Bella? Are you coming down for breakfast?”

She pulled back from my arms and I felt the emptiness instantly. “Yeah, Dad. I’ll be down in a second.”

Looking back to me, she asked that silent question with her eyes. Brushing my lips against her forehead, I answered, “I’ll go get my car and meet you downstairs.”

I watched as she left the room, our hands connected until the last possible moment, and listened as she went down to greet her father. I jumped back out he window and ran home. There was no need to go inside, so I didn’t. My family knew where I was if they needed me.

The Volvo’s engine purred under the hood. I loved this car. And with the memories of Bella now attached to it there was no way I would ever be getting rid of it. Even after it was no longer be a drivable option, I would have it stored somewhere.

Minutes after leaving my house I pulled up in front of Bella’s. I could hear the sound her father’s voice clearly through the walls of her home. His thoughts were jumbled but his words were direct enough. “I talked to Renee this morning. She and Phil will be flying in on Friday. Your mom said one of the Cullen’s was going to pick them up at the airport.”

“I’m not sure, dad. Mom has been talking mostly to Alice and Esme.”

“Oh,” he said. “Well, then.”

There was silence but I knew he had more to say. As much as I wanted him not to say the thoughts he was pondering, I knew he would. Charlie knew his time with Bella was coming to an end that once she married me things would be different. He just had no idea how different. And so I waited.

After another five minutes, I heard a chair scrape and then the sound of Bella’s feet followed by running water. Charlie knew his time was running out. “Bella,” he said and then paused again.

“Yeah, dad?”

I head the sound of another chair scarping against the floor. “I just wanted you to know, you’ll always have a place here. You know…if you need it.”

She was quiet for long minute before she responded. “I know.”

That was it. After another long pause, I heard Charlie leave the room. Turning off the car, I made my way to the front door and knocked.

Twenty-two seconds later the door opened and she was there. My arm came up, my intent to brush her check, but before I’d even made it half way she was in my arms. “Bella?”

“Shh,” she whispered.

And so I remained silent.

Our moment didn’t last long, as Charlie came into the front hall. “Edward,” he said, acknowledging both me and the fact that I his daughter was currently wrapped around my frame.

“Charlie,” I responded, not willing to release my hold on her until she was ready.

He turned from us but the worry was so clear in his mind. I knew I would have to talk with him, assure him one final time of my love for Bella, of my devotion to her. It was a conversation I was not looking forward to but one that was inevitable.

Then I heard her. “Can we go for a walk?” she mumbled into my shirt.

“Sure,” I answered.

Finally she pulled back, but just a little. “Dad. We’re going for a walk.”

“Take an umbrella with you,” was his only verbal response.

Reaching out, I extracted the umbrella from its place in the corner and guided us outside. This was her idea, so I let her lead.

For the first few blocks, she just looked at her surroundings in almost a trance like state. I didn’t like it, but I knew she would tell me what was on her mind eventually. In the end, my Bella didn’t disappoint. “Will Tanya be there?”

My step faltered for a second. What? Tanya? Where? The only thing I could think of was the wedding, but she knew Tanya and the rest of the Denali clan were invited and coming. “Love, you know Tanya and the others are coming to the wedding.”

She stopped. “No. Not the wedding.”

Not the wedding? What could she…

“When you…” she paused and shifted on her feet before straightening her shoulders and meeting my eyes. “When you make me like you.”

Oh. I hadn’t expected this question, but I answered it without qualms. “No. Just Carlisle and myself will be in the room. Although I’m sure the rest of the family would like to be near.”

And then she released a deep breath. I watched as her face relaxed and the worry I’d seen when I’d walked through the door recede.

My hand came up to cup her face and I made sure no one was within listening distance. When I was sure all was clear, I said. “You are giving me the greatest gift I could ever be given. We will do this however you want, wherever you want. Whenever you are ready. I have no desires on the matter other than that I wish I could spare you from the pain to come.”

Bella pressed her body to mine and I held her close feeling the warmth of her body through her clothes and mine. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“For what, love?”

“For loving me, for wanting to keep me forever, and for letting it be just us.” Smiling, I pressed my lips to hers reverently in answer.

A minute later, she laced her fingers with mine and we resumed our walk. There were a few people on the streets and of course all of them knew Bella. Most just nodded their head or said a quick hello, but a few stopped and asked us about the wedding. Whether they spoke to us or no, they all were wondering the same thing; why were we getting married so young.

I was so very glad Bella could not read thoughts as I did. A few of the passers by glanced at her stomach looking for a tale tail bump. My gut clenched with the reminder that this was something I could never give her, something she was giving up for me.

Finally we made it back to her house to find a note from Charlie letting us know he’d went over to Billy’s. There was nothing else on the note but we both knew it was anything but a social call. Bella’s father was determined to find Jacob and upset no one besides him appeared to be concerned with the boy’s sudden disappearance.

Neither of us spoke it though. Instead we went into the living room and selected a movie. I’m not even sure what it was exactly since I spent the time watching her. For me, the countdown of her humanity had begun even though I did not know the exact date.

As though hearing my thoughts, Bella turned to me as the movie ended. “We will be okay.”

She said it as a statement but I heard the question buried within. “We will.”

Shifting to face me, she asked. “Will I know you right away?”

I reached up and brushed her hair back behind her shoulders. The urge to lie to her was strong but I resisted. “I don’t know. Although I do not believe it will take long.”

“Will I…” She stopped and then started again. “Will I attack you, do you think?”

“Bella, love, I can’t answer that; everyone is different. And you…you will be even more so because you will have had some preparation. I am hoping the shock will not be too great.”

“Carlisle said I’d be disoriented.”

“Yes,” I said. “The first few minutes are quite overwhelming. I will be there though. No matter what.”

She smiled and climbed into my lap, straddling me. My hands rested on her hips as she leaned her forehead against mine. “I know you’re nervous, Edward. And not just about my change but about everything. Just know that I love you and I trust you. There is nothing we do together that can be wrong.”

“I do not deserve you,” I whispered.

Her lips came down to meet mine. “Yes, you do.”