When you didn't die
New Moon AU: Alice never told Rosalie that Bella jumped, and so Edward never knew, and didn't go running off to the Volturi. Alice, however, still went to check on Bella. Starts during New Moon, when Charlie's at the funeral and Bella and Jake are at the kitchen table.
11. A day of fluffy shopping dancing goodness? Edag!
Rating 4.5/5 Word Count 2352 Review this Chapter
It was warm when I woke up. I yawned and stretched, then lay there for a moment in that blissful peace you feel when you just wake up.
“Gooood morning, sleeping beauty!”
“You sure it’s ‘beauty’?”
WHACK. “Shut it, Emmet!”
“Jeez, Alice, that hurt like hell!”
“Emmet, shutyourfaceplease,” I mumbled, refusing to open my eyes. Goodbye, blissful feeling.
“You’re awake!” Emmet said happily. “Come on, get up!”
I sighed and lazily cracked one eye open. Emmet was bouncing up and down softly, staring at me eagerly. Alice was rolling her eyes at him and standing with her hands on her hips.
“Why the rush? There’s no school today,” I informed Emmet, sitting up.
“You’re coming with us today,” Alice said.
I frowned. “Why?”
She sighed. “Does there have to be a reason?”
“Edward said we could take you today. We even asked the dog and he agreed that we get Bella time too.” Emmet said.
“Why would you do that, Jacob, why?” I pleaded into the air above my head.
“Hey,” Alice said defensively. “We aren’t that bad! I think we’ll just do a little shopping, get some food-”
“For you,” Emmet clarified.
“-and teach you how to swing dance!” Alice finished cheerily.
I gaped at them. “Me? Dance?” And then I started laughing hysterically.
After I had calmed down (which was about 2.3 minutes later), Alice told me that they had tried to make me breakfast.
“Come see it! Tell me if it tastes alright. I spent all of last night watching the Food Network,” She said fretfully.
Emmet carried me down the stairs before I could protest, and set me carefully into a chair at the kitchen table.
Before me was a plate of slice of steaming hot pizza, some crispy French fries, a biscuit, and two mini pancakes.
“Is it enough? Try it; let me know if I could be a chef!” Alice said impatiently.
“What?” She asked.
“Nothing, nothing,” I said, choosing not to comment on her choices of food.
I took a small bite of the pizza, burning my tongue. “Delicious!” I said truthfully. Darn those perfect Cullen’s.
After sampling each of the foods, I settled on eating the pancakes first, which were followed by the biscuit. By then I was completely full.
“Oh, you don’t like the french fries, do you?” Alice asked anxiously. “I knew I shouldn’t have added the pepper. I just knew it,”
“No, Alice, it’s all very good! But a person can only eat so much. Then they get full, you know? And if I kept eating all of this lovely meal you’ve prepared for me, then I’d get extremely fat.” I said hurriedly, assuring her of her amazingness.
“Yeah, that would really suck, wouldn’t it?” Emmet agreed. Alice smacked him on the arm.
“Sheesh!” He said. “Just looking out for ya, Bells!”
I stuck my tongue out at him. “Emmet, you don’t talk about girls getting fat. That’s just a topic you steer clear of. You’d think after being around for half a century you’d know that.”
“Alright, Bella, go change! If you don’t have something beautiful on in 5 minutes I’m coming up there to help!” She threatened. I jumped up and ran up the stairs.
I threw on a black tank top with a purple sweater, finishing the outfit with a pair of dark jeans.
“Am I acceptable?” I asked Alice as I descended the stairs.
Emmet wolf-whistled, “Looking good, Bella,”
Alice looked me up and down. “You’ll do,”
Coming from her, this was the largest praise I could get.
“Now let’s get going!” Alice’s bubbly excitement was catching; I hurried behind the vampires as they flew from the room as slow as they could stand.
Emmet hopped into the driver’s seat of a huge, monstrous Jeep, the same one that I had ridden in to watch the Cullen’s play baseball.
I gulped at the ferocity of its demeanor. “Get in!” Alice said impatiently.
“Good thing Charlie’s not here; he would definitely not approve of this plan,” I said, my voice relatively wobbly.
“Why else do you think we waited till he had left? Besides, he doesn’t even know that we’re all back in town.” Alice informed me.
“Well what does he think you’re doing here, Alice?”
She shrugged as she began hooking up the many buckles required on my seat. “I don’t really know. But do you want him to know that Edward’s back? Honestly?”
I scowled. “Fine, whatever,”
Emmet started the engine, causing me to jump in my seat. He let out a booming laugh that was nearly as loud as the engine itself. “Easy, Bella, it’s just the engine. No need to freak out on me.”
“Sorry bout that, don’t mind me, just having a little heart attack,” I apologized sarcastically.
“That reminds me – Carlisle said to tell you congratulations on only being in the hospital eight times while we were gone,” Alice said earnestly.
“Well you can tell him ‘thanks a bunch!’ from me, alrighty?”
“Sure thing,” Alice answered.
“I LOVE this song!” Emmet boomed, cranking up the volume of his stereo. Blasting guitars drummed against my ears.
“Ew, turn it OFF!” Alice yelled, switching the channel to some happy pop tune. She started singing along quietly.
Emmet growled. “Nobody – and I mean nobody – messes with my Van Halen,”
Alice groaned as he flipped back to his hard rock station.
And then it was like a musical war. From Colbie Callait to Disturbed, the ‘siblings’ flipped around the radio, with plenty of snarls and yells when their ‘favorite song ever!!!’ was switched.
Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. “WATCH THE ROAD!” I screeched at Emmet. “Get back there, you beast!” I said to Alice, who had kept clawing at the dials from her backseat spot.
They both gaped at me, frozen.
“Now, we’ll listen to something that I’d prefer,” I said calmly, patiently flipping through the radio stations until I reached one that sounded vaguely familiar. Ahh, the Beatles.
Emmet and Alice sulked in silence for a moment as While My Guitar Gently Weeps swirled around us in the jeep.
After a moment, however, their sadness was ignored as they began chatting about the Beatles.
“Did I ever tell you about the time Emmet went to see them in 1967? It was an amazing concert – I didn’t go, but I saw it,” Alice said.
“No way! I’d love to see them live,” I said wistfully.
Emmet grinned. “Those crazy kids had some talent…even Edward admitted it.”
They carried on, telling me stories of insane adventures of the 60’s, and had started to talk about the 70’s when we pulled into the parking lot of a mall in Seattle.
I looked at the dashboard and gasped. We’d made a 4 hour drive in only 2 hours and 18 minutes!
“I will never, ever, let myself be driven by a Cullen again,” I vowed.
Emmet laughed. “Aw, it wasn’t that bad! You didn’t even realize how fast we were going until now,”
I grimaced, looking towards the bright store signs surrounding us.
“Alright, Bella, we’ve got exactly 6 hours until you’re dancing lesson, so we’d better hurry!” Alice said worriedly.
And I’d thought Edward ran fast. Before either of us realized it, Emmet and I were suddenly alone, watching Alice dart past the parked cars.
“Come on, Bella,” Emmet sighed. “I’ll try to take away the pain of shopping,” He patted my back comfortingly.
We walked (well, he walked, I was dragged) after Alice. I made a face at the fancy names on the buildings that were pronounced differently than how they were spelled…darn French.
In our first store, Alice threw a bright blue skirt at me. After casting it a dubious glance – it had much too many ruffles – I slipped it on in the fitting room.
Alice forced me to come out and show her and Emmet, which resulted in the latter calling me names like ‘babe’ and ‘hot stuff’ to make me blush the most unattractive color.
I was made to try on four more skirts, two dresses, and two elegant tops at the first store.
I actually like one of the dresses – until I saw the price tag. I gulped and vowed not to let Alice buy me these clothes.
Nevertheless, we walked out of there with Emmet carrying two small bags. Alice, of course, had gotten herself a skirt that I would have died wearing.
The next few stores passed in the same manner, with Alice compelling me to try on numerous outfits and show them off.
After the first two hours, I stopped glancing at the price tags. They made me too dizzy.
At 1:30 sharp, Emmet gently grabbed Alice’s wrist as she flung shirts side to side on a rack. “Alice, munchkin, we’ve gotta give Bella a break,”
Alice, her eyes frenzied, froze and looked at me. “Oh, yes, you’re human…I forgot,”
She looked quite scary. “Um, yeah…think we can maybe grab some food at the food court?” I suggested.
“Grand idea!” Alice said, her eyes fading into her normal chirpiness.
I followed my nose to the food court…yup, there was the grease, salt, and delicious fat. Yum.
I got a piece of pizza and a medium lemonade and led the vampires to a table on the edge.
“Is that…good?” Emmet asked, looking slightly mollified.
Alice too thought my choice was disgusting.
“As a human, this fattening, disgusting piece of crap is simply mouthwatering.” I explained. After taking a bite and a sip of ice cold lemonade, I went on to explain how the unhealthiest foods were often the most delicious.
I put this information to practice when I got a chocolate chunk cookie before we left the food court.
Emmet looked at the cookie. “Alright, $100 says you can’t eat a whole cookie before hacking it up,” He said, smirking at Alice.
She sighed. “Fine,” She danced to the cookie stall. “Bella, which should I get?”
“Definitely the sugar cookie,” I said. “It’ll even you out.”
“BURN!!!” Emmet shouted, cracking up.
I giggled a little. “Yeah, it was a pretty good burn,”
Alice rolled her eyes at us. “Children,” She scoffed airily. “I’ll have one sugar cookie, please,” She said politely to the teen working.
She returned to us with a large, sugar-crystal covered cookie clutched in her dainty hand. She gulped before nibbling the edge. “Yuck!” She exclaimed.
The poor cookie guy frowned.
Taking a breath, Alice finished her cookie with six large bites.
“Ta da!” She bragged to Emmet.
He reluctantly handed her a crumpled up bill from his pocket.
“Now, I’ve got to go through up,” She said, fluidly skipping to the restroom.
I started laughing. “Sorry Emmet, but she’s tough. I doubt even you could eat that whole cookie,”
His face crumpled like a five year olds. “You’re probably right…I can eat a grape though! I’ve done it before!”
“Good for you!” I said like a proud parent.
“Hey, Bella, did you know that nondairy creamer is flammable?” He told me.
“Uh, nope, can’t say I did,” I said. “Why the random fact?”
“Because at the grocery store Esme always tells me to stay away from it because I’ll die ifit catches on fire,” He said.
“Emmet, you are such a child,” Alice said, returning to us.
“But he’s so cute!” I said, sticking up for the underdog.
“Whatever,” She said. “Now come on, we have enough time for a couple more stores before we’ve got to get you to your dance lesson!”
I was being carried by Emmet once we finally went back to the car. Somehow he managed to hold me up with his arm around my waist and also carry 16 bags. Alice carried the other eight.
I slumped into my seat while Alice buckled me in.
“Go ahead and take a nap while we drive, okay Bella? You need to have plenty of energy when you learn to swing,”
I quickly obeyed – Emmet’s jeep roaring to life was mere background noise as I let my eyes drift closed.
I woke up when a cold hand shook me. “I’m up, I’m up,” I mumbled. I opened my eyes to see a meadow with a stereo, water bottle, and Jasper standing in the middle of it. He smiled and waved.
I hopped out of the car, holding Alice’s hand so I wouldn’t fall.
The sun slipped through cracks in the clouds, and the vampires shimmered brightly.
“I guess this is why we’re in the middle of nowhere?”
Alice nodded happily.
“Alright, Bella, this whole swing dancing thing is Jasper’s area of expertise.” Emmet told me, motioning for me to follow him across the field. I glanced back and saw that the jeep was parked not on a road, but on a miniscule path of dirt.
“He was so happy when I would let him take me dancing back in the 30’s,” Alice told me, her eyes unfocused as she remembered past events.
“Hey Bella,” Jasper greeted me in his quiet voice.
“Hiya,” I said back.
“I’m assuming you know what’s up?” He asked, taking off his shoes.
“You’re teaching me to dance?” I asked warily.
“You got it,” He said cheerily. “Go ahead and take off your shoes, they’ll just get in the way.”
After I did so, he grabbed my hand. “Now, first things first, you’ll be learnin’ my very own version of the Lindy Hop,”
I looked at him, clueless.
He sighed. “It’s a type of swing dance, you know? So basically, we start like this…”
Jasper grabbed my hands. And with many, many, many, many, many, many falls, stumbles, and laughs from Emmet, Jasper began teaching me the basic steps.
Open with our hands together, closed with Jasper holding me upright, open with our hands together, and then he’d pull me in and I’d be swung under his legs, when he’d turn quickly and catch me before I could fall, lifting me up so we could twirl again.
- Jasper? What are you doing in my bedroom? Not that I mind...
- In which Alice and Jasper tell us of the tricks of Emmet.
- Holy whama zamma!
- And then came the crash...
- Sometimes you really do get by with a little help from your friends
- A sweet surprise
- So I had some delicious lemon chiffon cake the other day.
- Charlie makes some sexual innuendo's? Holy cow!
- Orange Cranberry Muffins are so good.
- Fetticcini Alfredo is so yummy. It's like the bombest italian food ever. Make that the bombest food like ever. Yeahh.
- A day of fluffy shopping dancing goodness? Edag!
- Damn those hunky boys. Why ain't they real? Why?
- A chapter in which lots of things occur.
- I hate depressing writing. Gah.
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- 29 Oct 08
- 19 Feb 09