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When you didn't die

New Moon AU: Alice never told Rosalie that Bella jumped, and so Edward never knew, and didn't go running off to the Volturi. Alice, however, still went to check on Bella. Starts during New Moon, when Charlie's at the funeral and Bella and Jake are at the kitchen table. Create your own banner at mybannermaker.com!


14. I hate depressing writing. Gah.

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1981   Review this Chapter


The waves crashed onto the shoreline, and I still watched, motionless. If I stopped watching, even for a second, then reality would grab hold of my mind, and no one wanted that.


Finally I must’ve fallen asleep, because I remember opening my eyes and the sun was setting.

“You’ve been asleep for about three hours,” Edward said softly into my ear.

I tore my gaze from the ocean and looked up into his face, which was right near mine. “What’s happening in there?”

He frowned. “Nothing is getting better. There is internal bleeding, and his breathing is labored.”

I swallowed. “I’m going to go inside,” I said, my voice in a trance.

I stood up stiffly and walked away from the beach and entered the little house. My eyes quickly sought out Jacob’s still form on the couch. Apparently the drugs were still in his system.

“Bella, you need to go outside please,” Carlisle said quickly, his eyes rapidly reading a sheet of paper.

Sam, Paul, and Jared stood still by the wall. Billy was nowhere to be seen.

“I just want to know, how is he?” I asked timidly.

Carlisle looked at me. His face was perfectly calm. “Jacob is managing. Now, Bella, please go outside…have Edward take you to our home.”

I didn’t trust that angelic face. I stared at him, unmoving. “Carlisle, I want to know how he is.”

“Bella,” He pleaded. “Go outside.”

Sam agreed. “Bella, you need to get out of here for awhile.”

“No,” I said as calmly as I could. My voice betrayed me, though, and wobbled ever so slightly. “I need to know exactly what is going on with Jacob.” I glared at Carlisle.

Nobody said anything.

“Tell me,” My voice was stronger.

Sam nodded almost imperceptibly at Carlisle.

“Fine,” Carlisle’s voice was resigned. “Bella, Jacob is most likely not going to live much longer.”

Something changed inside of me. My center of gravity was lost, and I was floating down.

Edward caught me before my face hit the floor. I said nothing, and let him pick me up in his arms and carry me through the door.

The wind beat my face as we ran.

I was set down gently on Edward’s black sofa, and he cradled me to him. Thankfully, he didn’t say anything.

After a few minutes, I became aware of a retching, gasper sound. Oh yeah, me. I clamped my gasping mouth shut and swallowed back the sobs threatening to break out.

“Edward?” I asked through my teeth, not allowing myself to cry yet.

“Yes?” He replied, gazing intensely at me with his golden eyes.

“Jacob’s going to die.” I said, and a few tears escaped with a hiccup.

Edward just ran his hand through my hair.

“I’m not sure what I’m going to do,” I confessed, and then the teas began, more furtively than they had previously.

“You’re going to tell Jacob how much he means to you,” Edward told me silently. “You’ll let him know just how much he’s done for you. And then when he goes, you’re going to cry and let the tears out, okay? And you’ll…well, you’ll do whatever you need to do.”

I looked at him. “Are you sure you love me?” I asked weakly.

Edward ran a finger across my cheek, wiping away the tears. “More sure than I can say,”

“Are you going to leave me again?”

He flinched. “I’ll never leave.” His voice rang with sincerity.

“Will you kiss me?”

“Happily,” Edward leaned in to close the short distance between us. His wintry lips settled against mine roughly. His alluring scent enveloped me, and the tears finally paused. I finally pulled back, gasping for air.

“Thank you,” I murmured.

Edward held my face in his hands gently. “Thank you, Bella.”

I sniffed. “Can we…go to see him?”

Edward nodded and stood, pulling me onto his back.

We arrived back at the Black’s house in a matter of minutes, and I shakily, twisted the doorknob and entered.

Jacob was awake now, and his face was calm and peaceful. “Bella,” He whispered blissfully.

I ran to his side and grabbed his hands. They felt cooler, more like mine. “Jacob, I love you.” I stated instantaneously.

He grinned my smile. “Love you too, Bells. Doc says that I probably won’t last long,” His voice was untroubled, but I could see the ancient sadness in his eyes.

“I know,” I mumbled, fighting back the tears that threatened again.

I sat on the edge of the couch and held his hands, resting my head against his still warm chest.

I hadn’t noticed them before, but now I saw that Carlisle, Sam, Paul, and Jared were silently slipping out of the room.

“Bella,” Jacob said, clearing his throat. “Cullen loves you, right?”

I nodded dumbly.

His voice rumbled in my ear. “Get with him. Promise me that you’ll get with him. He can take care of you, maybe less than I can, but it’ll still be good.”

“Jacob, I,” I paused and took a breath. “I’ll miss you a lot.”

“Don’t waste your time. Be happy, okay?”

I nodded again. I pressed my lips to his cheek. “You’re not hot,” I informed him, noting his cool temperature.

“Great thing to say when someone’s on their deathbed,” Jacob complained.

“Not that way!” I amended, laughing. “I mean you feel almost normal.”

“Yeah. The wolf’s fading,” He said unhappily. “Damn, I’m never going to be a wolf again.”

I wasn’t sure what to say, so I stayed quiet. I sat with him for awhile, randomly placing tender kisses across his face.

He yawned. “I’ve gotta sleep, Bells. Be here when I wake up,” His eyes slid close.

“I will,” I agreed. “I love you,”

His breathing slowed to an even rhythm. Carlisle appeared beside me.

“You have to go home, Bella. Charlie’s expecting you.” His voice was kind.

“I have to be here when he wakes up,” I gripped Jake’s hands tightly.

Carlisle touched my shoulder. “He won’t,”

The tears I expected didn’t come. I guess I was just too cried out.

I stood up and let go of his fingers. I leaned down and gave Jacob one last, warm kiss on his forehead. I walked through the house and outside into the sudden rain. The sun was nowhere to be seen.

“Come on, I’ll drive you home,” Carlisle said, leading me to his Mercedes.

I climbed into the passenger seat, staring unseeingly through the window. We drove in silence.

I got out of the car once we pulled into my driveway. “Thank you for taking me home.”

“Bella, it was no problem,” Carlisle said, walking around the car to stand by me.

“Thank you for taking care of him,” I whispered.

Carlisle’s eyes were full of compassion. “It was the least I could do. Would you like me to come inside with you?”

I shook my head. “I’ll see you later,”

I walked slowly up the steps. As I reached for the door, it swung open and Charlie stood there.

“Honey,” He greeted me. His arms opened, and I ran into them. His embrace was simple, and through it I could feel his sadness and his love.

“Let’s go inside,” He suggested, pulling me out of the rain. We shuffled up the stairs and ended up in my room.

I lay down on my bed and Charlie sat beside me, brushing my hair with his fingers.

“I love him,” I said eventually, as drowsiness began to blur my thoughts.

“We both did,” Charlie agreed simply.

“I love you, Dad,”

Although my eyes were halfway closed, I could the tenderness in his eyes. “I love you too.” He got up from my bed. “Goodnight, baby,”

I whispered goodnight, and curled into my blankets.

A wave of dreams assaulted me as I slept. First I would see the wolf-Jacob, and then a vampire with ruby eyes and a bloody mouth. The next dream would carry images of Victoria attacking my vampire and wolf families. Another dream would show me just how much I would miss by being with Edward rather than Jacob.

But there was only one dream that stood out, only one that I remembered every detail from when I woke up.

Jacob held me in his warm, burning arms, and in my own, I held a bracelet with a tiny, russet carved wolf, made of red wood. He kissed me, and I held onto the bracelet for dear life.

Edward’s cold arms were the reality that surrounded me when I broke through the dreams and woke up.

My eyes flashed to his face, asking why he was here.

“You sounded so scared,” His velvet voice explained.

“I was,” I admitted, unblushing. In the still darkness of the night, I had nothing to be embarrassed of.

Something was pushing into my skin in my palm. I lifted my arm and saw that my fingers were clenched around a beaded bracelet. Opening my hand, I saw a tiny carving that looked exactly like the one in my dream.

“Quil was here,” Edward murmured.

“Oh,” I mouthed. I looked at the mini wolf in wonder.

“He said that Jacob had been working on it for a few weeks,”

I studied each crest and each miniscule twist in the wolf. It was made with such skill. I noticed that Edward’s icy arms were around me, and that they felt safe.

“That wolf-thing, it’s especially nice,” Edward said awkwardly. “I’m sure you must like it very much.”

“Edward,” I began, “I loved Jacob.”

“Understandably,” Edward agreed in his flowing voice.

“But I’m sure I love you, still. And Jacob wants me to be happy. And with you, I think I can do that,”

Edward stopped me by gently pressing my lips with his finger. “Do you really want me? Or is it because of the grief?”

I bit my lip. “I really want you.”

Edward smiled. “That’s good,” He lifted his finger, only to replace it with his marble lips.

I breathed in his sweet scent, and wrapped my fingers in his untidy hair.

“Bella,” He whispered.

I pulled my lips off of his, and buried my face into his cool neck. He held me close and rubbed circles into my back.

We sat like that for a long time.

And when Charlie came in and saw Edward, I only moved enough to tell him to stop yelling.

Charlie must’ve seen how much I needed it, because he stopped his cries of outrage. Edward moved under me, and I could feel his eyes move to look at Charlie.

“Sir, I know you probably want to kill me, very much so. But right now I need to take care of Bella,” His voice echoed through his body, and I clung tighter to the rock holding me down.

Charlie sighed. “Be careful.” He shuffled back. “I want him out of here soon, Bells. He’s one bad cookie.” That last bit was hardly a whisper. Edward shook with laughter. I wacked his head and his chest ceased trembling. Charlie left the room.

Eventually, I got hungry and had to get some breakfast. Eventually, I had to talk to Charlie about Jacob, and how Edward was in my life suddenly. Eventually, I called Billy, who told me how the pack was going to have a service for Jacob the next day. Eventually, Alice took me shopping.

Eventually, I went back to school and faced everyone who had no idea of what had occurred in their quiet town.

Eventually I moved on and did as Jacob asked me to.

But for the time being, I stayed safe inside Edward’s arms, letting a few leftover tears creep out. The sun had set – but the night was just beginning.