This is La Tua Cantante in Edward's POV--as was promised. A lot of your unanswered questions from BPOV will be answered in this story. So I hope you enjoy and please rate and comment. I love hearing from you guys!
1. Chapter 1: Nothing
Rating 5/5 Word Count 3970 Review this Chapter
"Okay...so are you sure you don't mind my two-week trip with Billy to Michigan?" Charlie asked Bella for what could only be the millionth time, based on the irritation in her response.
"Yes, Dad, I don't mind!" I was up in Bella's room, waiting for Charlie to leave, enjoying the awkward tension between them. It was quite amusing. "Go, fish, have fun; I'll be fine. I have been alone before."
Charlie's reluctance immediately changed with those words. 'Damn, I hope she's not thinking of hooking up with Cullen while I'm gone.'
I stifled a snort at his thoughts. Blunt much?
"Yes, and it will stay that way, you hear me?" Charlie told Bella, firmly, accusingly, his voice thick with implications.
The stubborn tone of her ironic words almost made break out in laughter, as she said, "I hear you, loud and clear. Edward will not breathe while you are away."
'Yep, that's hilarious!' He thought, sarcastically. "Don't...get smart with me, Bella. I do not want Edward anywhere near this house while I am gone--or you at his!" He added, hastily. 'Gotta cover all my bases.'
"Come on, Dad. Why don't you trust me?" Bella protested.
"I trust you fine; it's him I don't trust." 'Wouldn't be surprised if you two have already had sex. He left you only to come back with his tail between his legs, pleading you to take him back. Oh, Bella, you are so naive.'
I sighed and clenched my fists by my side, angrily. How dare he even think about Bella like that? Bella was smarter than that and I would never even dream of taking advantage of her like that. She deserved the universe and if and when it happened, I would give her just that.
She rolled her eyes, "Don't start with me. I'm not doing this again, Dad, you are being completely unreasonable." She was both angry and annoyed with Charlie. I could tell by her facial expressions. I had become a master at reading facial expressions since meeting her. Her eyes were my only access to her thoughts. Not that I was complaining. I could drown in her eyes.
Billy pulled into the driveway and honked his horn. "Go!" Bella said, shoving him towards the door, "I'll be fine. Have fun."
'Don't argue with her,' Charlie thought, 'It's useless. She clearly doesn't want me around.' Charlie walked out without another word to her, cursing me in his thoughts for taking her away from him.
I should have felt more remorse for doing so, but the only I could feel right now was my anticipation to see Bella and hold her in my arms. I ran down the stairs at my inhuman speed as the car disappeared around the corner.
I reached Bella, snaked my arms around her waist from behind, pulling her into me.
I could see her smile in her reflection and she wrapped her arms around mine, pulling them tighter around herself. She tilted her head up slightly and nuzzled my neck. "Breaking the rules already, are we?" She smirked, clearly not caring what rules went broken anymore.
"Mm..." I kissed her jawbone lightly, "As if we haven't broken them all. I mean, I spend every night in your room."
"Yeah, well..." She spun around in my arms, wrapping hers around my waist, "What Charlie doesn't know...won't hurt him."
I rested my forehead against hers, "Ah, touche."
She wrapped one arm around my neck, buried her fingers in my hair and brought my head down passionately to meet hers, crushing her lips to mine eagerly.
I chuckled into her mouth and then spun her around, using her body to shut the door. I leaned her against it and she whimpered as I leaned in further to deepen the kiss. I placed one hand on the door beside her head, and concentrated as much as I could, struggling to not break it with his fingertips.
"Mm..." She began trembling as I propped her in between my legs, squeezing her body between my thighs.
I tightened one arm around her waist, pressing her against me so there was no space between us, and grabbed one of her hands, slid our hands between our bodies, struggling to do so, holding them to my chest, and then spun her around, dipping her gradually as I kissed her.
She arched her back and tilted her head back to deepen the kiss even more and her eyes fluttered open and shut in ecstasy.
I sucked gently on her bottom lip, before withdrawing it from in between my lips, and trailing my parted, trembling lips and the bridge of my nose, down her throat, sniffing in deeply.
Usually, the scent of her blood caused my inevitable agony because of my resistance, but right now, the surge of fire through my throat had nothing to do with my thirst. Right now, I felt no desire to drink her, but rather, her blood rushing through her veins, going every which way, was arousing me more than anything. The only taking of her I wanted to do right now was purely sexual. The lure of her blood was nothing to me right now.
My lips, still parted, lightly pressed into the hollow of her throat and then, as if taking over control, acting of their own will, my lips, kissed her throat hungrily, and I pulled her even closer to me as I did so. I trailed my lips along her collarbone, up to the side of mher neck, which I traced with my lips.
What was I doing? This was usually the part where I stopped us and we did something else to remove the temptation. I couldn't bring myself to do it, though. I wanted this, wanted her so badly. I wanted her so much, it hurt me.
She then pulled my head up and reached her lips to mine, and I eagerly returned it, desperate to taste as much of her as I could.
I pulled her back up and walked us backwards over to the couch, struggling to do so, considering how distracted I was right now. I spun us around and threw her gently onto the couch, before lowering myself on top of her, reaching my lips to hers immediately.
She pulled me even closer by the collar of my shirt and arched her back again, running her hands down my back and into my shirt, caressing my waist and lower back.
I began frenching her neck and she tilted her head back, pressing herself further and further into me.
She brought her hands around and traced the distinctions of my six-pack delicately with her fingertips, before timidly reaching for my belt to undo it.
I wanted to let her continue, but without warning, a sudden sharp pain stabbed through me. I hadn't felt pain like this in my whole life. I grabbed her hands and pulled away.
She looked like she had expected this, but was surprised when she saw my expression. "Edward?" She asked, breathlessly, shifting her weight underneath me to see me easier.
Another pain stabbed through me, surging through me. I was too stunned to scream, though the pain was beyond excruciating. I couldn't find it in me to scream. What was going on? How could I feel pain?
"Edward, what is it?" Was I going to die? Could I die? Vampires might be tough to kill, but we are not invincible.
Breathing even more raggedly than Bella was, as I felt myself weaken, I looked at her, smoothed out her hair on her face, forced myself to kiss her as deeply as I could, and managed to choke out the words: "Bella...I...love you."
With a pain so sharp, surging through me from head to foot--a pain so agonizing I could have sworn I was literally being cut in half, I collapsed off the couch onto the floor.
"EDWARD!" Bella knelt beside me and pulled my head into her lap, brushing my hair back, tracing my features with trembling fingers.
I felt myself disappear into the void, become nothing as the unbearable pain took over me and I lost myself. I didn't know who I was anymore or if I was even alive. All I knew was pain and misery.
The only memory I had was that of my Bella. Everything else was gone. I knew nothing but her. Even her memory was fuzzy--I couldn't even see her face. All I knew of her was that I had a reason to come back--a reason to live. A reason greater than all other reason.
Suddenly, I was engulfed by a bright white light and some unknown force lifted me off my feet. I was blinded by the light and lost all sense of awareness. Except for Bella. I knew her and knew that my only chance of survival was to find her.
"Bella?" I called, deliriously, "Bella."
I was now falling, searching desperately for her.
"Edward." Her voice called, almost surrounding me. It was such a beautiful sound. It calmed me. "Edward, come to me. Follow my voice." She instructed, firmly.
I collapsed, falling onto a hard surface. The pain was unbearable. It felt like every single fiber of my being was destroying one another, exploding into oblivion--slowly, painfully.
"Bella!" I sobbed, cringing and letting out a yell of pain. "No!" I began convulsing in paroxysms of pain, almost as if I was having seizures. "BELLA!"
I felt her hand on mine and instinctively calmed down. Her mere touch had the ability to heal me--to take away every single ounce of pain--making it seem beyond insignificant.
My eyes were watering, but I could see her through my blurred vision. "Bella?" Never had anything looked so beautiful. She was so absurdly beautiful that it increased my pain inevitably.
She smiled slightly and caressed my face. "Edward, it's okay. Hold on. Just hold on to me; to us. You are so strong, Edward. You can fight this."
"Bella? What...what's going on?" My head lolled weakly from side to side, but I refused to take my eyes off her. She was my strength right now. If I had any chance of surviving, it was within her. She alone had the ability to save me.
"Shh..." She ran her fingers through my hair and pulled me into her lap.
"Bella...Bella, my Bella...hold me."
She lightly kissed my lips and took my face in her hands. "Edward, everything will be all right. Trust me. Just...fight it. You have to fight it. You have to."
"I can't--" I mumbled weakly.
"Edward, look at me." She commanded, firmly. I obliged and she said, softly, "I love you. You will live; do you hear me? Edward, I love you so much. Please know that."
I nodded weakly, unable to respond with words. She held me in her arms, rocking me back and forth, and whispered, "I love you," repeatedly in my ear.
Suddenly, I was being ripped awy from her, pulled through a vortex as more pain consumed me. "NO! Bella!" I screamed sobs of agony. I couldn't do this without her. I NEEDED her...I needed my Bella. I was in so much pain...I couldn't make it...not without her.
Everything was a blur; nothing made sense anymore. Nothing made sense, but Bella. She was the one thing in my life that would always make sense, no matter what.
I felt a strange sensation as I stirred and opened my eyes to see Esme kneeling beside me. I groaned in pain and called out, deliriously, "Bella...Bella?"
Bella was suddenly beside me, taking Esme's place. "Edward! Edward, are you okay?!" She practically sobbed, causing me to feel even more pain because of her suffering.
"No..." I managed to shake my head weakly, "I'm...dying."
"No." She said, firmly, through her tears, "No! You are not going to die, do you hear me? I will not let you die."
Maybe I was supposed to die. I should've died years ago--maybe my time was up for good. "Mm..." It hurt me to do so, but I ignored the pain in my hand to reach out weakly and touched her face, "It's okay, love...It past my time long ago. No one can cheat death, I guess. Not even me."
"Stop it!" She practically shouted, causing my ears to hear a high-pitched painful noise, but I clenched my teeth against it and focused everything on listening to her, hearing her words. "Stop trying to say good-bye like it's over; it is never over."
Yes, it was. It was over a long time ago...and I've always known it. Everyone tried to deny it--Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Alice...Bella, but it was clearly my destiny to die. And when it was calling me with such enticing relief, how could I not answer? How could I not face death like a man and let go of all I had held onto for over a century?
"Bella...we can't stop it. We don't even know what it is."
"We'll figure it out," She said, her voice cracking, "We will; you just can't give up. Keep fighting. You have to fight it."
For what? I was incapable of fighting anymore. I was in too much pain and just wanted to die. Why was I denied that sweet release when I'd give anything for it right now?
"I'm tired of fighting, Bella." I said, devastated by my own words, knowing it would mean I'd lose her--the only good in my life..
"Not even for me?"She asked, as a tear streamed down her cheek.
If I was human, at this moment, seeing her pain combined with my excruciating pain would've definitely killed me. How did I have the strength to stay alive any longer? How was I not dead right now? All I knew was that if I died, so would Bella. I could not let that happen. I would keep fighting for her. This world was nothing without her; I was nothing without her. She had to live. If that meant I had my own cross to bear, so be it. I would gladly take on every pain at this very moment if that meant she would live. What choice did I have?
It took every ounce of strength and determination I had to reach up and kiss her tear away, straining to do so, holding in my screams of pain so as to not increase her pain, and then I kissed her lips softly. I didn't answer as I released her, my eyes never leaving hers. I didn't want to make her any promises that I couldn't keep. I could die any second now, and getting her hopes up only to rip them away like that would kill her.
"Bella?" Carlisle said, softly, regretting having to interrupt us. "Can I speak to you, please?"
I sensed the devastated urgency in his tone and nodded to Bella, lightly pushing her to urge her to go. Carlisle helped her up and led her outside.
Alice cast me a devastated, pleading look. In my condition, I couldn't read her mind, but I didn't have to. She was desperate for me to keep fighting. The love and fear in her eyes were clear. She took my hand, gave it a reassuring squeeze, and smiled sadly, before following Carlisle and Bella outside.
Esme took my face in her hands, kissed my forehead, and whispered, "Come back to us, son. We all need you."
I didn't answer her, but simply stared at her, refusing to show her my pain.
"I love you," she said, before following them out.
Once they left, I felt nothing but pain worse than any pain I had ever felt consume me. It was a hundred times worse than the pain I felt of the change into a vampire and leaving Bella combined.
I could feel the pain stab at every cell of my body--ripping me apart internally piece by piece. I was dying--I knew it. I had never felt so much pain. I would die.
My eyes began stinging and I squeezed them shut tightly and shook my head rapidly from side to side, eager to diminish my pain.
"No..." I choked out, as I felt the sensation of my skin being ripped from my body--the flesh being torn to pieces. "NO!" I began convulsing, sobbing hysterically, desperate for someone to help me.
I knew no one would come, though. I was getting what I deserved. After all that I had done, this was getting off easy. I deserved so much more than this. In vain, I had wished for mercy; for my pain to be taken away. It wouldn't be though. I knew that. This was clearly my punishment for all my wrongdoings.
I felt as if every single bone in my body was shattering and my muscles were deteriorating--eating themselves away. I was nothing.
As if the physical pain was not enough, my mental pain was even worse. I was so confused: I didn't know who I was anymore. I was a worthless thing in a world that never wanted me to begin with.
If that wasn't enough torture, I felt the pain I had inflicted upon every single one of my victims in those ten years that I had left Carlisle. I felt their pain, their fear, and heard every single one of their screams for help that no one answered for them.
"NO! No, no, no...please, no..." I broke off sobbing, doubling over in agony, trembling so hard that the couch was literally shaking with me.
The remorse I felt for those people, the pain I felt leaving my Bella, everything suddenly hit me--full force, head on, tearing me apart, making me lose the will to live.
What was I good for? All I did was bring pain and anguish to the world and to those I loved. I did not deserve to live. I wanted so desperately to die and get it over with, but that was no longer an option for me. I would never get off so easy. That would not be punishment for me, but paradise. I did not deserve such mercy.
When my victims would pray with all their might to be spared--to live---offering everything they could to stay alive, I did not grant them their wish. No one came to save them; why should I expect someone to save me? No one would come. No one would spare me. I was a killer; I deserved no pity, no help, no love. I needed to be deliberately, carelessly forgotten and abandoned as I had once done to others.
The pain I felt...nothing could describe it. No words did it justice. The mere word "pain" sold it short. It was so much worse than that. I felt as if I was exploding--my being literally exploding into the void; into inevitable oblivion that I could no longer be denied and could not escape.
I screamed sobs of agony, convulsing with each one. What was the point to my self-pity? I was getting what I deserved; I had it coming. Feeling sorry for myself would change nothing.
Nothing. What a beautiful word! "Let me be nothing, let me be nothing, let me be nothing..." I trailed off, sobbing hysterically, clutching my head uselessly to make the screaming stop.
But, it wouldn't. It couldn't stop...it couldn't stop, because I never allowed it to. It would always be apart of me.
I shook my head weakly, deliriously, from side to side, before sobbing, begging, "Oh, God...let me die, let me die, let me die...please...oh, please...let me die!"
I repeated my useless pleas until I literally could not speak anymore, the pain so overwhelming that nothing else existed. Nothing else could exist. I eventually lost the ability to do anything. I was incredibly lucky to eventually be numb with pain. I didn't feel pain, per se, but I felt nothing. It was worse than pain; it was as if I no longer existed.
I wrapped my arms uselessly around myself, feeling as if I would fall apart if I didn't. It was as if I was holding the remains of the the shell of a pathetic man.
I should've simply let it break and get on with it, but I couldn't. Not while I had Bella to live for.
This was how she had described the pain that I had caused her by leaving. I had no idea how she survived this as a human. I wasn't even human and I was pleading for death.
It was only fair that I had to suffer what I put her through...to be tortured endlessly in this excruciating hell that I myself had inevitably damned my worthless self to. God, what a demonic monster I was!
How could one person cause another as much agony as I had caused Bella? How could she have accepted me back so willingly after I had done this to her? She should've let me die in Italy. I was practically the spawn of Satan--how could she be so eager to keep me alive? It didn't make sense. It never did.
I was trembling with pain and delirium as I felt someone sit beside me on the couch and place a hand on my bare chest. But, the pain was so blinding that I could not see who it was.
"Edward." Bella choked out, with great difficulty.
"Bella?" Oh, what joy surged through me at the sound of her voice and the touch of her hand! I couldn't see her, though. My vision was still quite bad. I had to rely on her voice to be sure it was her. I wanted so badly to touch her.
I struggled to reach out with one hand and wait for hers to meet mine. Our fingers entwined and she brought our hands up to her lips and kissed mine.
"It's me." She said, struggling through her words. Was this for real? Was this a dream or was she really here with me?
"Bella...it hurts." I said, crying through the pain, unable to hold back anymore.
"I know." She forced out, before clearing my throat, "I know. Here, sit up; come on."
She helped me sit up and I let out cries of agony. I was so delusional. "Bella? Where are you?" I wanted to see her. It killed me that I could not see her angelic face and hold her. Comfort her and ease her of her pain.
"Edward, Edward, I'm here. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."
I shook my head, deliriously, "Bella, I can't--I can't see you."
"Edward, look at me." I struggled to see her, only able to make out her distorted shape before my eyes. She took my face in her hands and directed my head towards hers, clearly to see into my eyes. My vision cleared up somewhat to where I could make out her face slightly, but it was still distorted. "I'm here," she assured me, "It's me. It's your Bella."
My Bella. My Bella was here. That sent a sudden strength through me and I could feel my pain ease little by little because of that fact. "My Bella?" I cried, happy despite the pain, "Bella...will you...stay with me? Will you be here when I die?" My voice cracked slightly in pain.
She shook my head fiercely, almost angrily, "You're not going to die."
"I'm not?" I was confused. If I couldn't die, I didn't want to live like this. It was cruel, even to a sadistic, evil monster like myself.
"No...you're not. Edward, I can cure you."
A cure? Oh, that sounded so amazing! I'd give almost anything to be cured. After a moment, I asked, "How?"
She grabbed her hair with one hand, pulling it over her shoulder, exposing her neck. She tilted her head slightly...suggestively. I might not have been able to see her clearly, but I didn't need to see her to know that she felt no fear as she said, firmly, "Drink."
- Chapter 1: Nothing
- Chapter 2: Risks
- Chapter 3: Life and Death
- Chapter 4: Carpe Diem
- Chapter 5: Proposal
- Chapter 6: Breakfast
- Chapter 7: Grizzly Bear
- Chapter 8: Mountain Lions
- Chapter 9: Control
- Chapter 10: Misery
- Chapter 11: Realizations
- Chapter 12: Courage
- Chapter 13: Intimacies
- Chapter 14: Alone
- Chapter 15: Sex Dream
- Chapter 16: Discussions
- Chapter 17: Third Time's a Charm
- Chapter 18: Celebration
- Chapter 19: Triumph
- Chapter 20: First Night
- Chapter 21: The Civil War
- Chapter 22: Absurdities
- Chapter 23: Dealings
- Chapter 24: Unrepentance
- Chapter 25: Comfort
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- 29 Oct 08
- 09 Jan 09