This is La Tua Cantante in Edward's POV--as was promised. A lot of your unanswered questions from BPOV will be answered in this story. So I hope you enjoy and please rate and comment. I love hearing from you guys!
11. Chapter 11: Realizations
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I felt my strength build within me, almost to the point where I couldn't handle it. My heart felt as if it could sing for joy...for her.
I could smell the blood remaining in her mouth all the way from here easily; how the hell had Jasper held up so long? Oh, well; right now, nothing mattered but Bella.
She didn't notice the blood yet, but she would soon, and it would make her feel even worse.
So, managing to avoid everyone else, I went to get her the best quality of water I could find and then hesitantly went to the room she was in, waiting for a moment, before going in, not sure if she wanted to see me right now.
I could see her injuries as clearly as if she was right before me. She had stitches on her head wound and her face and neck and arms had a combination of bite marks and second-degree burns from Jacob.
She was still bruised pretty badly--so badly that I hardly recognized her--but she was clearly healing quite nicely.
She had a crushed in skull, but Carlisle had fixed it. Her finger and shoulder were fractured and she had some ruptured blood vessels.
Her femoral artery had almost ruptured, but Emmett and I had gotten to her in time...just...not quick enough.
I could sense the medications used to stop her hemmorhaging and return her to somewhat normal.
Damn it...I didn't look any further--I didn't want to know. This was bad enough.
Eventually, Bella noticed the blood in her mouth, grimaced, and said, "Ew. Can I get some water?" I called it.
Jasper nodded, "Of course."
He made to get up when I walked in and said, "It's okay, Jazz, I've got it. You can go take a break. I'll take over."
"Okay." Japser agreed, looking to me and smiling. 'It's good to have you back...We really missed you.'
I smirked slightly in response, but Bella didn't notice.
"Feel better, Bella." Jasper said.
She nodded and watched him leave.
I slowly approaced her, sitting beside her awkwardly. This was so crazy--I never thought I could ever be awkward around Bella. In over a century, I had never not known how to react in situations, but right now, I couldn't even talk to Bella. What the hell was I supposed to say to her?
Starting with the easy thing, I said, "Come here," pulling her into my arms, and holding her. I began kissing her forehead repeatedly, unable to control myself, simply content to do this for the rest of forever.
I cradled her in the crook of my left arm and instructed nervously, "Here...drink this." I held the cup in my hand, raised it to her lips, and tilted it slightly, helping her drink it.
At this point--as I watched Bella struggle--I was so angry and so hurt that I didn't know how to react.
My natural instincts were to eliminate the problem--to kill Jacob. But, Carlisle was right. I couldn't take another life--it wasn't my place to do so.
I wanted to. The demon inside me was eager for the kill--pleading with me to give in just this one last time.
But, the more I gave in, the easier it became to take one more life and not care. How many more "one last times" would there be before I completely suppressed my urges? If I gave in today, could I really say no tomorrow?
Bella drained the cup, and I set it on the nightstand, before laying her back down, taking her face in my hands, and kissing her forehead.
"I would've settled for tap." She said, clearly noticing the difference. Did she just meet me? When was she going to learn that I would never let her settle.
I shook my head, "You deserve only the best." Which was why it killed me that she was still here with me. How could someone so magnificent want a creature--a monster--like me?
She smiled slightly, "Thank you...for everything. I love you." Damn it, why did she have to say that now? Say it now when I was more unworthy of it than I had ever been? Those words--the tenderness behind them--caused me to feel so ashamed...so....evil.
I closed my eyes and hung my head, ashamed, "I am...so sorry."
She placed a hand on my cheek, "No one blames you." Ugh, she was so ridiculous! "If it wasn't for you--"
"None of this would've happened." I snapped, angrily, my anger winning out over my sense and taking over me, "Bella, I can handle a lot." I explained as calmly as I could manage, "I've had to handle the worst of pain and that's fine. But, you in pain...I cannot handle that."
She had to understand where I was coming from. If roles were reversed, I had no doubt she would be blaming herself just as much as I was blaming myself right now.
"I hate it when you do that." She said, irritably.
"Blame yourself for every little thing that happens to me when there was nothing you could've done about it." She said, frustrated.
What; was she blind? Deaf?! Did she not hear Jacob? He was right--I started this all. How could she just act as if I was a mere innocent bystander who saved her life? We both knew that was a lie. She was just too stubborn to admit it. But, I wasn't. I would take the necessary blame for my mistakes, no matter what.
"'Nothing?!' " I quoted her, angrily, "I could've not fed off you for one. That is what started this mess. I wish I would've died and none of this would've happened." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself.
"NO!" She yelled, "Edward, you know the deal: you die, so do I. That's the way it is and that's how it always will be. Nothing can change that."
The mere thought of her dying caused me to flinch, "Stop it!" I closed my eyes tightly and shook my head fiercely against the image of her death that had so haunted me from day one.
It was my worst fear: the possibility of her dying becoming a reality--it tortured me endlessly every day of my life.
"No, I won't, Edward." She said, firmly, "This is not open for debate. It is so ridiculous for you to be so willing to die for me, but you won't let me die for you."
Was it? Did she not realize that I was not the only one who needed her? The world needed her. The world would be nothing without her--empty, meaningless...pointless.
Nonetheless, I weighed my options, simply staring at her. She did, in a way, make a good point. I didn't want to argue with her right now. She didn't need the added stress of my stubborness...but this was definitely not over. We would talk about it later, whether she wanted to or not.
"Maybe you're right," I said, softly, regretfully, the words paining me as I relinquished my control to please her. God, it hurt so much.
She flinched and placed her hand on my chest. "Please don't do this to yourself." She pleaded.
I looked down at her hand and picked it up, examining it closely, feeling the fracture in her finger, feeling the pulse in her wrist against my hand.
I caressed her ring finger, and whispered, "Your finger's fractured..." trailing off to kissing it softly.
" 'Edward's fine.' " I heard Jasper tell the family downstairs, " 'He's in with Bella right now.' "
I looked into Bella's eyes and whispered, "Come with me?"
"Anywhere," She whispered back, as I trailed my lips up her arm, unable to stop myself. I kised every inch of her arm up to hershoulder to the side of her neck to her jawbone over to her lips, which I kissed softly, before scooping her up and tightening my hold on her instinctively.
Running like this would be a challenge, but I could manage. I just...had to be alone with her...with my Bella. My Bella.
I kissed her eyelids, revelling in the sensation of love that flooded through me, placed my hand on the side of her head, holding it to my chest, and took off, without warning.
- Chapter 1: Nothing
- Chapter 2: Risks
- Chapter 3: Life and Death
- Chapter 4: Carpe Diem
- Chapter 5: Proposal
- Chapter 6: Breakfast
- Chapter 7: Grizzly Bear
- Chapter 8: Mountain Lions
- Chapter 9: Control
- Chapter 10: Misery
- Chapter 11: Realizations
- Chapter 12: Courage
- Chapter 13: Intimacies
- Chapter 14: Alone
- Chapter 15: Sex Dream
- Chapter 16: Discussions
- Chapter 17: Third Time's a Charm
- Chapter 18: Celebration
- Chapter 19: Triumph
- Chapter 20: First Night
- Chapter 21: The Civil War
- Chapter 22: Absurdities
- Chapter 23: Dealings
- Chapter 24: Unrepentance
- Chapter 25: Comfort
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- 29 Oct 08
- 09 Jan 09