This is La Tua Cantante in Edward's POV--as was promised. A lot of your unanswered questions from BPOV will be answered in this story. So I hope you enjoy and please rate and comment. I love hearing from you guys!
4. Chapter 4: Carpe Diem
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It seemed like a lifetime before her breathing changed and I could tell she was coming to. I didin't take my eyes off of her but simply watched as her eyes fluttered open and she looked around, not noticing me beside her yet.
She looked confused but almost entirely without pain. She finally noticed me, and my anger, evidently, judging by her attempt to play innocent.
"Morphine," I confirmed tonelessly, guessing the cause of h er confusion--most like recognition--and nodded towards the Morphine drip.
She looked at it and then back at me and smiled, "Oh, sweet Morphine, new realms of plesure!"
I couldn't help but smirk slightly, but it faded instantaneously. "How are you feeling?" I forced myself to control my anger...for now.
"Amazing." She lied, "Morphine is definitely my new best friend.
DON'T lose it. "Can I get you anything?" I ignored her lie and tried to change the subject, but she clearly had other plans.
"How 'bout some emotion for 500, Bob?" She said, shrugging. I furrowed my eyebrows as she said, "What's the matter with you?"
I shook my head, angrily, "How could you?" I didn't even really know what I was referring to--her reckless stupidity to such a serious matter and asking me what she did, or her carelessness now.
"I'm sorry." She said, feigning unawareness. "Wanna tell me what I...did?"
WHAT?! She did not just ask me that. How dare she treat her life so carelessly? "Oh, please, Bella! You are...so damn frustrating."
"What did I do?"
I stiffened up involuntarily in anger, "You threatened to commit suicide if I didn't--" I couldn't finish the sentence. I was so upset that I was at a loss for words and the pain of the mere words was more than I could bear. I was such an evil THING. I deserved nothing more than death right now.
I sighed defeatedly and buried my face miserably in my hands, waiting for her "justified explanation".
"That's because you wouldn't do it any other way."
"Yeah, you're damn right I wouldn't've." I said, jerking my head up to look at her, "Do you have ANY idea what we risked? And for what?"
"For your life! Maybe it doesn't mean crap to you, but it is everything to me. I literally would've lost everything. Even if I didn't do it myself, the pain alone would've." She argued, stubbornly, causing me to flinch and stare at her, unable to speak right now.
"Edward, my point is...it doesn't matter. We're both alive and safe; that's all I care about."
Safe, really? I still couldn't answer out loud. Was she really so incredibly amazing as to not only love me, but to literally die without me? As angry as the thought made me, it also astounded me. That kind of loyalty required such strength and courage.
"Edward, you don't understand. I can't live without you. I--" I interrupted her by kissing her. "--Love you." She finished against my lips.
I had to force myself to pull back slightly, considering how eager I was to be close to her, having almost lost her, and I shook my head, "I understand, Bella; better than anyone, I understand."
I had to make her see--make her realize just what she did by doing this. "I just--it was so hard. I was inches from killing you, Bella. You would've died had Carlisle not been there."
Memories of tasting her blood, my inability to stop, holding her limp body in my arms, her life slipping away from us--almost losing her--it flooded me, weakening me inevitably.
"Carlisle? What did he--"
"He gave you a blood transfusion. Several of them, in fact. The first two didn't take."
"A blood transfusion? Oh, no." She sounded utterly mortified at the thought. Finally!
"Yeah, 'oh, no' is right, Bella, we could've lost you."
"No, no. I mean, 'oh, no' as in oh, no. Now my blood won't smell as good to you." She pouted slightly.
Was she serious? I couldn't help but chuckle, amused by her reaction. "Is that really your main concern right now?"
"Of course," she said, in an obvious-tone. "I like appealing to you so much."
She definitely didn't need to be concerned about that--that could never be an issue. I placed my hand instinctively on her cheek and caressed it with my thumb. "Don't need to worry there. There is nothing about you that doesn't appeal to me."
"Do I smell bad, though?" She asked, wrinkling her nose in an adorable manner.
I couldn't help but kiss her nose as she did that and then trailed my lips over to her ear, which I kissed, before whispering, "Not at all, love. Not at all."
Her heart stuttered involuntarily at those words. I pulled back and said, in what I hoped was a reassuring tone, "It won't last forever. After a while, you'll have your normal scent back."
I shrugged, "A month or two."
"WHAT?!" She groaned, "But, that's FOREVER."
I smiled my crooked smile, "Believe me, Bella, when you are immortal two months is like a blink of an eye. It's not that far away. Besides, you know it might be a nice change to have for a while." For me, anyway.
"Why; what do you mean?"
I chuckled once, "Why are you so eager to smell good to a vampire?"
"Not any vampire. Just you." She was so absurd. She sounded genuinely upset about this.
"Well, if it's any consolation...you always smell beautiful to me. Different blood or not, you're the same Bella I fell in love with. Despite what you may think, I didn't exactly fall in love with you for your blood. You'll always be my Bella; nothing can ever change that, love."
She smiled and put on her best innocent face, "So...are you still mad at me?"
Hardly. Only she could make my anger change to utterly bliss with a mere word or two. I breathed a chuckle and pretended to consider it as I said, shaking my head, "Definitely..." I seriously considered it before saying, "...but you could always make it up to me."
"What'd you have in mind?" She asked, just as shocked by the decision as I was.
"How's your pain level?"
"I'm okay," she said, still not buying it.
That made me a little nervous. I knew i would definitely do this if she allowed me. After everything we've been through--it only seemed right.
I picked up her hand with the IV in it and took it out as quickly as possible without hurting her. I bandaged it and then held it to my lips, kissing it softly.
She picked up on the intensity in my eyes as I stared at her weighing my options. I shouldn't do this, but God, how I so wanted to. I almost lost her. I wasn't ready to just dismiss it as nothing, but remaining angry was not an option. So, I could channel my fears, my concern, my anger, my love into something else.
"Edward, what's going on?" She asked, confused, struggling to analyze my actions and words.
To be sure this was what I should really do, I leaned in and kissed her earlobe. Then, I kissed the skin right beneath her ear. Oh, God...I had never felt so amazing in all my life. The feelings that surged through me in that moment confirmed that nothing had ever been more right.
"Oh." She said, understanding now, as I trailed my lips slowly down the side of her neck to her shoulder.
She might not smell exactly the same, but she did still smell amazing. She was so beautiful; she would never understand just how beautiful she was.
Her heart rate involuntarily sped up and she struggled to breathe properly, "Are--are you sure?" She stammered, unable to speak properly. Uh-oh. Maybe she had changed her mind. I never even thought about that.
"Do you not want to?" I asked, pulling away slightly.
"No! No, I mean, yes; I do, but...what about...you? You're usually so adamant about this very thing not happening. I don't understand."
Oh. Right. I sat up and pulled her up so that she was sitting beside me. Oh, no. How could I put this into words so that she could understand? I struggled to put my emotions into words.
"Bella, I...used to think that immortality was the biggest curse that could ever be inflicted upon me. Living forever...alone...all I wanted was to die. To move on to whatever's after this." She flinched at those words so I immediately amended the damage. "But, then I met you and I realized...it was the greatest gift. Not only do I get to live forever, but I get to have you by my side. Somehow, it still seems that forever is no where near long enough to be with you."
She smiled slightly and caressed my face with the back of her hand. The warmth radiated from her skin, temporarily touching me - God, the feel of her touch was so gentle...so beautiful. I would have never felt her touch again or looked into her eyse or held her in my arms. The mere thought was torture. "I almost died. Bella, I thought I had forever with you, but the past few days have shown me how easily it could be taken away."
"You do have forever with me, Edward. It's all over."
"Exactly." I said firmly, determined to make her understand. "It is over. And I'm not taking anything for granted anymore." Least of all her.
"See, Bella, we can say forever, but the truth of the matter is we don't know. We can't promise forever."
"I will promise forever." I assured her, before she could misunderstand me and take it all wrong, "At least for as long as I am capable of love. But, I assure you, Bella, I will always love you. It is believed that we love with our heart and our soul, but I'm not even sure I still have a soul and my heart stoppede beating almost a century ago. Yet, I have no doubt that the love I feel for you...is the greatest love in existence."
She struggled through her next words, clearly struggling through her emotions, "Edward...I have no doubt that you have a soul. Nobody can be as beautiful as you are and not have a soul."
To avoid an unnecessary argument, I simply tried to make my argument as light and joking as possible, "That's the immortality talkin'."
"No...it's not." She protested, in a firm whisper, "Edward, as beautiful as you are on the outside...you are that much more beautiful on the inside. In here."
She placed her hand over my heart. "Your heart might have stopped beating...but, it is still the most beautiful heart to exist."
Oh, how completely untrue and absurd that was! I instinctively placed my hand over hers and simply held it to my chest, enjoying the incredible feeling of her hand in mine. She was so incredibly oblivious; it was insane. She could never comprehend just how utterly amazing she truly was.
"Not possible, love," I said, softly, staring intensely into her eyes.
Before she could protest, I leaned in and kissed her as tenderly as possible, laying her down gradually as I did so. My distraction seemed to have worked perfectly.
She didn't protest; merely letting another kiss form. Another, another, another.
I continued kissing her until she could no longer breathe, before trailing my lips down to her neck, kissing it tenderly and lovingly.
She slid her hands down my waist until she reached the hem of my t-shirt. She lifted it, caressing my stomach and waist as she did so. Then, she pulled it up, clenching her fists around the fabric desperately--almost as if willing it to rip off--and managed to pull it over my head.
I helped her out by throwing it onto the floor and then I slowly removed the bandage from her neck, debating internally as I did so.
Was I pushing things too far? Should I be risking this? It was quite strange. To be able to be this close to her without losing control. I would never understand how it worked.
Her blood smelled just as sweet to me as it always had, but I had no troubles resisting it. I could hear its call and a part of me pleaded with me to give in to my true nature, but I never did. I couldn't. It was almost as if even the part of me that wanted her blood knew that. It held back and suppressed the temptation.
I could smell the traces of foreign blood within her, surging through her veins, learning her song, learning her as I was. It was learning to sing for me--to call me...but, I couldn't. I could never answer the call. It amazed me how easy my resistance came now--almost instinctive.
I caressed the scar on her neck lightly with my thumb, tracing it gently--memorizing it--before replacing my thumb with my lips, to softly kiss the wound.
"I'm sorry; I'm so sorry," I whispered, into her neck, the fear of what I had almost done consuming me.
Her hands trembled with delight as they caressed every inch of my back, chest, stomach, arms--my muscles flexing and contracting against them with each stir, each breath.
I pulled her closer to me, raising her from the bed slightly as I kissed her lips again, deepening the kiss by leaning in further.
"I love you," I sighed into her mouth, causing her to tremble in my arms. I loved the reaction she had to being with me. I loved my ability to affect her this way.
I smiled against her lips and rolled her over, pulling her on top of me.
She straddled my waist, sitting on my upper legs, and bent down, placing her hands on my stomach and slowly traced them up to my shoulders, sliding her body against mine as she did so, and then touched her lips to mine as her hands traced down my arms, which were locked around her waist.
Oh, God...the feel of her in my arms, the feel of her skin against mine, her lips caressing my skin, her lips caressing my skin, her lips moving so naturally and harmoniously with mine, our tongues entwining with one another--having her, knowing she was mine...oh, the beauty of it! The perfection.
I had yearned so long for this, but it seemed that now that it was actually happening, it was even better. She was so amazing; I longed for her so desperately that it physically hurt me.
I arched my back to deepen the kiss and pulled her down even closer, eager to taste every inch of her--to hold her and never let go.
She wrapped her arms around my neck, encircling her forearms around my head and smiled mid-kiss as I slid my hands down, encircling them around her upper arms.
It wasn't until we were both so breathless that I was quite certain I was not the only one who couldn't see straight, that she pulled back, sitting up, struggling to breathe.
I couldn't help but smile as I stared up at her--God, she was so beautiful, it should be illegal--smiling, my crooked smile, and placed my hands on her stomach.
Without hesitation, hoping she wouldn't think less of me, I removed her shirt and bra, and then pulled her down on top of me so that there was no space between us, and pulled her head down to mine, running my fingers through her now slightly sweaty hair, enjoying the feel of her sweat-dampened hair.
She didn't notice, but her sweat glistened on my fingertips. Her warmth radiated out of her onto me, and though I remained ice-cold, she showed no signs of revulsion, only love.
I rolled her over again and hovered over her before kissing her again, caressing her neck with the back of my hand.
I trailed it in between her breasts to her stomach and over to her waist. I trailed my lips down to her breasts and sucked off some beads of sweat that had formed on her skin.
It was no blood by any means, but my God, it did taste quite amazing for not being blood. For almost the past century, I had wanted nothing but blood...never had I tasted anything as sweet and beautiful as blood...until this very moment.
Tasting her--her skin, her lips, everything--was the most phenomenal, religious experience of my life. I never wanted it to stop. I only wanted more. I wished so desperately that it didn't have to.
"Bella," I growled into her breasts, intoxicated by her very existence, clutching her even closer to me as if for dear life and frenching her breast.
She whimpered my name and sighed in ecstasy as I trailed my lips down her chest to her neck--her blood calling me now even worse than before.
I instinctively bared my teeth and scraped them passionately across the column of her throat, growling simultaneously and moving my hand to the back of her neck, pressing her neck further against my mouth.
I could not decide what was more appealing to me right now: her blood or her.
Her blood smelled just as intoxicating and arousing as it did delicious--maybe even more. Even the part of me that had always wanted her blood was so confused right now. Which desire should I fulfill? Both were so strong, so enticing, so utterly impossible to deny.
The scent of her blood engulfed me, ingraining itself in my very being so that no matter what I chose, her blood would inevitably be a part of me. It would be mine...it was certain that I would have it.
I was weakened by the strength of the call and began trembling as she tilted her head back, arched her back, tangled her fingers in my hair, and pressed my head even further into her neck.
Oh, God, what was she doing to me? Having no other choice, I went over and lightly bit the curve of her neck, only enough to cause her to tremble in ecstasy before replacing my teeth with my tongue and frenching it passionately, all the way up the side of her neck to her lips.
I kissed her once before assuring her, out of breath, "Oh, Bella. I love you so much." I was afraid I had scared her or hurt her without meaning to, but if anything, I just made her even more eager, and she pulled my head down to hers for another kiss in response.
We continued on until she literally had no strength to continue and then she fell asleep in my arms to me lightly humming her lullaby. She was too tired to notice, though.
Selfish as it was, I couldn't help it...damn her humanity! Being human, she couldn't keep track of time, but I was able to barely manage to do so...it was exactly 7 hours, 36 minutes, and 53 seconds...the most beautiful and perfect night of my life.
Never had I felt so complete, so whole. She was more than simply my everything...she was my whole existence. My existence alone revolved around her and lived in her. So long as that was true, I could never die...
I might be technically dead, but I was dead before I met her. I was born the day she loved me. And my love for her would keep me alive...forever.
- Chapter 1: Nothing
- Chapter 2: Risks
- Chapter 3: Life and Death
- Chapter 4: Carpe Diem
- Chapter 5: Proposal
- Chapter 6: Breakfast
- Chapter 7: Grizzly Bear
- Chapter 8: Mountain Lions
- Chapter 9: Control
- Chapter 10: Misery
- Chapter 11: Realizations
- Chapter 12: Courage
- Chapter 13: Intimacies
- Chapter 14: Alone
- Chapter 15: Sex Dream
- Chapter 16: Discussions
- Chapter 17: Third Time's a Charm
- Chapter 18: Celebration
- Chapter 19: Triumph
- Chapter 20: First Night
- Chapter 21: The Civil War
- Chapter 22: Absurdities
- Chapter 23: Dealings
- Chapter 24: Unrepentance
- Chapter 25: Comfort
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- 29 Oct 08
- 09 Jan 09