What if, during New Moon, Alice hadn't seen Bella jump off the cliff? What if she hadn't shown up when she did? What would have happened that night with Bella and Jacob? SMUT. ONESHOT. Bella/Jacob.
I own nothing but this little wild bit of my imagination...please don't sue! :D
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I sat next to Jacob in my truck, thinking. He had driven me home; I was still a bit shaky and weak after my near-death experience this afternoon. Jumping of a cliff and almost drowning will do that to a person.
But I'd spent all day sleeping on Billy's couch, and I was feeling at least awake now as Jake pulled to a stop in front of my house. The porch light was off; Charlie had forgotten to turn it on when he left for Harry Clearwater's funeral. It was almost eerie when Jacob turned off the engine and the headlights faded to nothing.
The streetlight across the tiny street cast a large pool of white light around where we were parked; it filtered through the windows of my old truck and washed over my side of the seat, making me even more unnaturally pale in comparison with Jacob.
Suddenly, his arm was around me, pulling me tight to his side. It felt nice; his insane body heat warmed me when I hadn't even realized I was cold.
He didn’t speak, he just pulled me closer and leaned his cheek on the top of my hair. He inhaled, and I exhaled at the same moment. I was always so comfortable with Jacob.
All day I had been thinking, wondering, asking myself how I felt about Jacob. I knew I loved him; I always would. And he loved me. What else was there to think about? Was there anything more?
Yes. There had been. There had been more in my life, once upon a dream, but it had been unceremoniously ripped from me.
What was left? Did I have enough left of me to love Jacob in the way that he deserved?
Maybe. There was really only one way to find out.
My stomach did a funny little flip as I turned my head and tilted it up to look into his eyes. He stared back at me, the surprise evident on his face at my unusual behavior. This wasn't the way things usually went; I was always careful to keep things light with Jacob.
My breathing hitched slightly, and I knew he must be aware that my heart was speeding up at an alarming pace. His eyes were searching my face now, uncertain. He brought a hand up to my face gently and placed his heated palm on my cheek. I closed my eyes on his touch and took a deep breath.
When I opened my eyes again, he was watching me intently, his dark eyebrows furrowed together.
"Bella?" he asked, his voice coming out huskier than I'd expected. I knew that he was expecting me to push him away at any second. I didn't want him to talk, though; I might change my mind.
For the past few months I had been trying my hardest to find ways to be reckless. What was more reckless than this? Only this time, I wasn't in search of the delusion; I was looking for peace, for comfort, for some sense of normalcy. For warmth.
I shifted slightly so that I was facing him better. I hesitated, then raised my right hand slowly to brush a strand of hair out of his eyes. It was always in his eyes now; he was growing it back out because he knew I liked it. Had I any right to ask for more than this boy, this man, who was sitting here with me now, who loved me more than self, who would do anything for me?
I dropped my eyes to his lips, too beautiful to belong to anyone with a Y chromosome, and heard him draw a ragged breath. I looked up, and his eyes were locked onto mine.
"Bella," he repeated, running a hand up my arm to my neck. I shivered, but did not look away. His eyes darted between my eyes and my lips, and I realized I was leaning
closer only a half second before our lips met.
His lips were warm and soft, yielding against mine in a strange new way that I wasn't used to. My heart stuttered wildly in my chest as his hands found their way into my hair.
It was odd, how I felt no guilt as I kissed him back hungrily; how I hadn't realized how much I had needed some sort of human contact after the long months of isolation I'd put myself through. I felt nothing but the warmth of Jacob's skin radiating off him like waves, and the sudden fire coursing through me as he wrapped a long arm around me and pulled me closer to him.
My logical brain was telling me to stop, that I probably would change my mind later and was likely to regret this whole thing after I'd thought about it.
But I wasn't being logical just now.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself into his lap; now I was facing him sitting astride his long legs as I buried my hands in his hair and pulled him closer.
So far this was still just a kiss, a bit more than perfectly innocent, probably, but nothing out of control. Hardly reckless at all.
Jacob's hands ran up and down my back, burning me slowly; vaguely I noticed that the windows in the truck were becoming foggy from our combined heat. My mind was fogging up pretty quickly, as well.
I could feel his hot breath in my mouth now, searing me from the inside out. I couldn’t stop myself; I traced his bottom lip with my tongue, and to my intense surprise, he didn't pull away, but thoroughly kissed me back. I shouldn't have been surprised, though, it was only Edward who wouldn't allow such advances…
So I fiercely shoved that thought away and pushed my luck even further. How far would Jacob let me go?
I pulled myself closer still and threw caution to the wind. I thrust my tongue into his mouth, experimenting, exploring, tasting. He mimicked my motions, pulling at my body, his hands chafing my arms, running up my neck, over my hips and down my legs. I couldn't breathe.
I wrenched my mouth away from his so that I could catch a breath of air, and he trailed kisses down my neck as I fought to drag air into my lungs and keep from passing out.
It felt like the truck was going to spontaneously combust, it was so hot. Everything was burning: Jacob's hands on my body, his mouth on mine, his chest as my own hands traced over it. The heat was overwhelming. I honestly couldn't breathe now; there was no air.
"Jake?" I gasped, pushing at his shoulders to get him away from my neck. He didn't hear me at first; he'd found a particularly sensitive spot and was busy driving me absolutely out of my mind. I tried again. "Jacob?"
He froze immediately and pulled back, eyes closed.
"I'm so sorry, Bella, I - " he began. I rolled my eyes. He thought I was stopping him because I didn't want this. He had no idea how little this had to do with want and how much to do with need.
"Jake, it's fine, I swear," I reassured him, my voice coming out ragged and uneven. I laughed. "I just can't breathe in here."
Jake relaxed a bit. He opened his eyes to study my face for a second. His eyes were so dark in the dim light of the truck cab. I really don't know what came over me just then, but I honestly couldn't stop myself.
I lunged at him, kissing him more fiercely than before, burying my hands in his hair, pushing my body as close to him as I could get it - yet not nearly close enough, for some reason I couldn't quite put my finger on. He kissed me back for a minute, then slowly pulled me away a fraction of an inch, resting our foreheads together, both of us breathing much too fast.
"Bella," he panted. "Are you trying to kill me?"
I laughed. "Oops. Sorry, Jake."
"Sure, sure. I'll bet you're sorry," he mumbled. Then all of a sudden, I noticed something. It was a testament to the fact that I'd never done anything quite like this that I hadn't noticed before. I froze, and my eyes went wide.
Jacob grinned ruefully. Then he placed a hand on either side of my waist and tried to lift me off him into the passenger seat. I wasn't budging, though; this was not over, not yet. I shook my head and pulled at his hands.
"Bella." He was trying to sound stern. I bent my head to kiss him again, and made a split-second decision. I wanted to see how far I could go, right?
This was so unlike me that I couldn't believe I was going to do it, but I pushed past the sudden nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach with scorn; after all, this was Jacob. No reason to be afraid. I took a deep breath and moved my body forward and down, grinding my hips into his lap and across the hard bulge I'd noticed a second ago.
Jacob let out a strangled growl and broke our kiss; his head rolled back for a second, then he brought his fiery eyes to meet mine. I actually was fighting to keep from losing consciousness now - it had felt so good that it had shocked me for a moment.
He let out another low growl and pulled me back to him, kissing me forcefully. I got braver; I repeated my movement. It still felt amazing; it just seemed like it wasn't enough, somehow. Jacob seemed to feel the same way. He grabbed my hips again and helped me to grind into him harder than before.
I moaned into his hair. His mouth was at my collarbone now, doing strange things to my brain, clouding it, making me want…I wasn't sure, but this wasn't enough.
"Jacob," I gasped. It seemed like it took an extreme amount of effort, but he pulled away from me.
"I was wondering…if maybe we could go…" How to ask this question without sounding like a stupid old movie? "…upstairs?"
Jake laughed. "You sound just like a bad movie, you know that?"
I frowned. "Well, if you don't want to, then…"
He answered me by kissing me again, until my mind was sufficiently fuzzy once more.
Then he opened the door and set me on the sidewalk. He grabbed the key from the ignition and got out, too, slamming the door behind him. He reached for my hand as we walked up the steps to the house, unlocking the door with the spare key from over the eaves.
The house was dark and quiet. Jacob shut the door, completely blinding me for a moment. I felt him sweep me up in his arms, and the rush of air past my face; then a half-second later he was setting me on my feet in my room.
"Whoa," I breathed. "That was fast."
He shrugged. Then he looked at me intently. I could tell that he was uncertain again, after all, here in my room, the atmosphere was different than it had been in my truck.
He was trying to see if I had changed my mind.
I stood on tiptoe and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down so I could kiss him again. That seemed to settle it in his mind, and a second later, we were on my bed.
Jacob's wild, passionate kissing was so different from the way I'd been kissed before - by him - I refused to think his name just now, not that I had enough sense at this moment to be thinking much of anything. Except for the way Jacob's hands seemed to be everywhere at once, the way that his mouth felt on mine, the weight of his body as he moved on top of me.
Suddenly, I became aware that he was undoing the buttons on my shirt. I wrenched my mouth free of his and gasped; he froze. His eyes snapped to mine, I'm sorry radiating from them as he waited for me to push him away. But I didn't want him to stop. He'd just surprised me, that's all.
I put my hands on his and helped him with the button he'd frozen halfway through undoing. I wanted to see how far this would go, I reminded myself. Plus, my body was almost screaming for him not to stop.
He bent to kiss me again, and I wasn't even aware he'd finished with the shirt until he broke away and trailed kisses from my neck to my belly button. I struggled to breathe.
All of a sudden I had this overwhelming desire to feel his skin on mine. I tugged at his black t-shirt, and he complied by pulling it over his head in one fluid motion. I pulled myself up so that I could kiss his bare chest; he slid my shirt off my shoulders.
He pressed me back on the bed and attacked my mouth again. The feel of his skin on my skin was exquisite. He was so warm.
The next thing I was aware of was undoing the top button of his blue jeans. I couldn't remember consciously making the decision to do it, but my hands seemed to be acting of their own accord. I didn't stop them.
I grabbed the edge of his jeans and pulled, using my feet to help him kick them off. The whole time, his mouth never left mine. I felt his hands on the button of my jeans; they were trembling. I helped him with the fastenings and then I was kicking them off; they fell off the edge of my bed with a muffled sort of thump.
Now all that was between us were a few scraps of cloth. Jacob's hands roamed more freely now, and I allowed mine to do the same. His back, his chest, his arms, all were russet-colored satin stretched over the steel fibers of his muscles. I couldn't stop touching him.
I didn't hesitate as he reached for the fastenings of my bra; I didn't even flinch as he became frustrated with it and accidentally ripped it in his effort to remove it. He tossed it into a corner and turned his attention to the newly exposed skin. It felt so good to have him touch and kiss me there, and I suddenly wanted there to be nothing between us.
I pulled him up to my mouth again and tried to distract him as I trailed my hands down to the waistband of his boxers. I tugged, and they slid off his hips easily. He reached down and pulled them off the rest of the way, and I gasped when I felt him touch my leg, smooth, impossibly hard, hot.
A second later he was kneeling between my legs, snatching at the band of my underwear until that barrier was gone, too. I kicked them off my foot and he was kissing me again.
I knew what would happen next; I wasn't afraid, though I had always thought I would be. There was nothing to be scared of with Jacob.
I felt him between my legs, felt as he slid into me part of the way with no resistance. It was a tight fit, but it wasn't overly uncomfortable. He stopped, fixing his eyes on me intently, his face inches from mine.
"Bella," he whispered. "You know you're…the only one…and I've never…"
I understood. He was asking me if this were my first time, too. "Me either, Jake," I said, trying to keep my tone light. My voice was slightly breathless still, and rough. He relaxed visibly, then frowned.
"I don't want to hurt you."
"So it hurts a little. I want this. With you," I added, pulling his face close to kiss him again, gently this time. He smiled.
"I'm sorry," he breathed in my ear. Then he pushed forward.
There was a second there when I wondered why in the hell I had asked him to do this; it was agony as he pushed into me, stretching me unbearably. I couldn't breathe. He eased back out and then in again, still with the same feeling of torture, and I was momentarily horrified. Wasn't this supposed to get better?
He was being gentle, going slowly, and every time he pushed into me, the pain was the same. He was whispering words of encouragement into my hair, but I had no idea what he was saying.
Then, impossibly, he slid into me and the pain was a bit less. The next time was better. After a few more thrusts, the pain was only a dim shadow of what it had been in the beginning. It was beginning to feel…good.
I think he knew the second that pain changed to pleasure for me, because he brought his lips to mine again and kissed me thoroughly.
"I'm so sorry, Bells," he murmured against my lips.
"It's okay, Jacob, it's over now…I'm fine," I assured him, and he began to move again.
It was so much better than I could ever have imagined. Now that the horrifying part had passed, that is. But the pain was only a faint memory now as waves of pleasure overtook me. Jacob pushed into me over and over, slowly at first, then picking up his tempo.
His face was priceless. His eyes were screwed shut as if in concentration, and his lips were moving, but I couldn't understand the words he was murmuring; it was as if he were chanting a mantra to himself or something. That was as far as I got in that line of thinking, because he dropped his mouth to my neck at just that moment.
His pace increased, thrusting into me faster and faster; I was meeting his hips with mine, getting desperate now. I knew there was something I was pushing for, but I had no idea what it was. I just knew I had to get there.
Jacob could sense it, too. He growled and braced himself, hands on either side of my head. His rhythm became harder, now, and I nearly screamed with the force of it. I clutched at his arms, pulling myself up closer to him and then, just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore…
I shuddered, and every muscle in my body tensed, every nerve ending on fire. I screamed and dug my nails into his back, biting down on his shoulder to try and muffle my strangled cry.
He didn't stop; in fact, he was pounding into me harder and faster now, causing new waves of pleasure to pass through me, over and over again. His eyes bored into mine and sweat was dewing on his dark skin. I was almost certain I couldn't take another
moment of this amazing torture when suddenly…
His body jerked violently on top of me, his eyes closed tightly, one hand gripped in my hair, the other balled into a fist around the quilt of my bed. He groaned and choked out my name, bending to kiss me as his body shuddered to a stop.
We lay there for a moment, breathing too fast and trying to slow our heartbeats.
Then he brought his lips to mine again and kissed me sweetly, pulling away from me at the same time. The kiss made the loss of contact easier to bear. He rolled to his side and tugged the quilt from underneath us, then he draped it over me first, then partially over himself.
He pulled me into his arms and sighed. I was suddenly cold, so I snuggled closer to him, my personal furnace. He rubbed my arm contentedly.
I was almost asleep when I remembered something. I sat straight up, ignoring his words of protest as I pulled out of his embrace.
"Holy crow, Jacob! Charlie!"
"Huh?" Jacob's eyebrows pulled together, completely nonplussed. "What about Charlie?"
"Keep your voice down!" I hissed. What if Charlie had heard us? I would be so grounded for the rest of my life. Or would I? I wondered if Charlie would mind so much, as long as it was Jacob who was deflowering me in the other room.
Jacob surprised me completely by laughing. He put his hands behind his head and stretched comfortably.
"I'm pretty sure he would have heard us by now, Bells," he replied around a yawn. I frowned at him. "Besides," he added when he saw my face, "Charlie isn't home yet."
"How do you know?" Although I was quite sure I knew the answer already.
"I would have heard him, Bella. Wolf sense, remember?" He tapped his ear.
"Hmph," I replied. But I settled back down beside him anyway. I was getting cold again.
He wrapped his long arms around me, absently playing with my hair.
"What were you saying to yourself before? I mean, while…" I trailed off, a blush rising to my cheeks. Somehow, even though I'd done it, I couldn't talk about it.
Jacob laughed again. "I was reciting the defensive line of the Green Bay Packers."
My mouth dropped open. What the hell? "Um, why?"
"I was trying to distract myself. I wanted it to last long enough for you to enjoy it."
Suddenly it hit me. And I had to laugh. "You're something else, Jacob Black. Thank you, though."
"You, too, Bella."
I slept without nightmares that night.