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Not Mine

Summary:
This is a one-shot from Rosalie's perspective. It is her feelings on Nessie.


Notes:


1. Chapter 1

Rating 4/5   Word Count 542   Review this Chapter

I once told my sister that she was choosing wrong. I let her into the blackest part of my soul, if we even had souls, and poured my heart out in a plea to convince her to reconsider her position to join the immortal world. I tried to let her know how much of a half life vampirism truly is. She did not listen.

I’d told her that same night that the original reason I’d disliked her was jealousy, the fact that she’d been able to get Edward to love her when I hadn’t been. Not that I’d wanted him, I’d assured her, I just wanted him to want me.

Now hate was perhaps the farthest thing from my mind when I thought of Bella. However jealousy was back at the top of a long list of emotions I felt for her. I was beyond jealous of the fact that she’d been able to have a child. I was even more envious of the fact that it had happened with a man she was truly in love with, not just someone she thought she could have pretty babies with. At times it is very hard to treat Nessie as though she is my niece, and not my daughter. I relish the memories I have of the first two days of her life, when it was just her and I. Well, me, her, and that stupid mutt, but it was still the closest I’ve ever come to being a mother. Now it takes everything in me to stop myself from taking her out of Bella’s arms some days and just running away with her.

Bella’s very tolerant of me, I think she can tell the struggle I go through every day. That, or Edward has been clueing her into my thoughts. I don’t care either way. I’ve adopted the role of godmother in some sense. I’m always volunteering to look after Nessie when Bella and Edward have to go hunting, or when they just want a little alone time. I’m constantly trying to get myself invited on family outings, not that there are many. It’s almost pathetic the way I try to worm my way into their memories.

In the early days of Bella’s pregnancy, I did not think that she would survive. I’d happily prepared myself for motherhood, I’d even bought some baby things online. These items were now kept under lock and key in the back of my closet. I’d been willing to do anything to ensure that the baby would be born. I don’t know why I thought I would take over as caregiver if Bella didn’t make it. Maybe I just assumed Edward wouldn’t be able to look at anything that had harmed the love of his existence, maybe I thought Esme would give up any grandmotherly claim, maybe I just refused to see any other option.

When Bella called me from her honeymoon it was both the best and worst day of my life. The best because I felt that I would be gaining a daughter, or at the very least a niece. The worst because deep down despite everything, I knew that I had no claim to her, that she would never truly be mine.