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Twilight: The Kind-Of-Not-Really-A-Musical 2!

You asked for more. You get more. Includes all your favourite characters. Terms and Conditions are not included thereby no one knows what they are. LOL. I'm gonna make a series out of these musicals. I swear, they are too much fun too write! Anyways! What kind of mischief can the Cullens get into this time?


1. We're Back and Ready For Action!

Rating 0/5   Word Count 1130   Review this Chapter

Narrator: Right, I am sick of being called Narrator. I think the author of this story should give me a name before we start this stupid musical. I want to be called Edward Cullen…Author (Me): That name’s been taken.Narrator: Okay, what about Mojo Jojo?

Me: You watch too much Powerpuff Girls.Narrator: Fine! What about Mr. Fantastic?Me: Narrator sounds fine… I don’t see why you’re complaining.Narrator: …Me: Stop being cliché and huffy. You’ve got a musical to narrateScene One: What time is it?

Alice Cullen: What time is it?

Edward Cullen: Summer time.

Emmett Cullen: Chico time.

Edward *growling*: Summer time!

Emmett *hissing*: Chico time!

Alice *checking Bella’s clock*: Quarter past three

Narrator: Both Edward and Emmett are silent

Alice: What time does she wake up at?

Edward *shrugs*: About six, I think

Bella *snores loudly*: zZzZzZz

Emmett: Why are we watching her sleep?

Edward: Because I read this really manly men’s magazine and it says that it is sexy to watch women sleep.

Emmett: But why are Alice and I here?

Edward: Incase I got bored.

Alice: Emmett, remember in the first musical, your brain was really mauled and crap and you couldn’t think up your own words… how come you can now?

Emmett: Coz I’m awesome like that

Edward: Carlisle bit him in the head to put more venom in his brain to heal it

Alice: Wow… I wonder what would happen if your bit a bunny in the head…

Emmett: It would get rabies

Alice: REALLY?!

Bella *groans really loudly and breathes Edwards name*

Emmett: Edward’s got a boner

Edward: Shut the hell up, Emmett!

Alice *looks at Edward’s boner*: Wow! It’s a big one!”

Narrator: Can we move on from Edward’s boner? If you lot haven’t noticed, a High School Musical limo has just pulled up outside.

Alice *runs to the window*: OH MY GOD! Zac Efron is outside holding a bunny!!

Narrator: Emmett and Edward walk over to the window

Edward *boner deflates as soon as he looks at Vanessa Hudgens*: That girl is UGLY!

Emmett: I thought you were a scally, Eddie?

Edward *sighs and puts his hand on Emmett’s shoulder*: My dear brother, I have moved on from that era of my life. It is time I ought to start thinking about the future…

Narrator: Emmett hands Edward a copy of Breaking Dawn

Emmett: Hand over the cookies, Eddie. You promised.

Narrator: Edward and Emmett secretly exchange Breaking Dawn for a pack of Oreos and Twinkies.

Alice: Oh my god! Zac is taking photos of Vanessa!

Narrator: Because Alice is really slow, Zac is really taking naked photos of Vanessa, because they are no longer owned by Disney Channel

Alice: I’m not really slow

Narrator: Yeah… And to end this scene, Bella starts singing Smack That by Akon in her sleep.

Bella: smack that, all on the floor, smack that, give me some more, smack that, 'till you get sore, smack that, oooh, smack that, all on the floor, smack that, give me some more, smack that, 'till you get sore, smack that, oooh.

Scene Two: Hey Batter Batter, Hey Batter Batter, SWING!

Carlisle *slides on wet grass to home plate* SAFE!

Narrator: What he hasn’t noticed is that he slid in dog crap while he was sliding at one hundred miles an hour.

Alice *readies self with bat*: I got to hit da ball!

Bella *prepares to throw the ball*: Why am I playing? I can’t throw a ball that far!

Alice: I’ll hit it, don’t worry!

Narrator: Bella attempts to throw the ball but forgets to let go and hits self on the head with the ball.

Emmett *howling with laughter*: I so wish I got that on video

Rosalie *wave’s camcorder*: Don’t worry, I got it

Narrator: Emmett punches the air

Edward *yelling at his new boner*: DOWN BOY!

Rosalie: Do you want to say at little bit louder? I don’t think they heard you in Colorado!

Alice: Throw the flipping ball, Bella, before I start producing testosterone would be nice!

Bella: Whatever.

Narrator: Bella pathetically throws the ball which Alice misses but hits Bella’s head off her shoulders.

Emmett: There goes another one!


Narrator: Edward runs into the forest and finds Bella’s head. He runs back to Bella’s body.

Edward: I need…

Narrator: A random tool bag pops out of nowhere and is in Alice’s hand. She opens it and puts a balaclava on her head and Bob the Builder hat on Edward.

Edward: Syringe

Narrator: Alice hands him syringe

Edward: Estrogen

Narrator: Alice hands him estrogen tablets

Edward: Chainsaw

Narrator: Alice hands him a chainsaw

Edward: Glitter glue

Narrator: Alice hands him glitter glue

Edward *stands up and takes the hat off his head*: That’s all I can do. The only thing we can do now is hope.

Narrator: Five seconds later

Bella: Can we do that again?

Narrator: The return to playing baseball with Bella safely tucked under Edward’s hairy armpit. They can’t be bothered to sing a song this time, fortunately.

Scene Three: All for One

Edward: Everyone’s always talking at me! Everybody’s trying to get in my head!

Bella: Wrong song for the scene, babes

Jasper: Alice, may I please penetrate you with my penis?

Narrator: Everyone grimaces at Jasper and Alice runs to Pluto because she is so embarrassed.

Jasper: What is wrong with her?

Esme: Jasper dear, you don’t ask for sex in the middle of a church


Narrator: Everyone in the church stares at Jasper pretending to burn and die. Emmett whistles a happy tune and brings out a box of matches. He sets Jasper on fire. Everyone shrugs and turns back to the priest.

Bella: Why are we in church anyway?

Edward: I honestly don’t know

Bella: How about we go make me a Renesmee?

Edward: You saw what happened to Jasper. My spawn is also the anti-Christ. You will burn and die with my devil’s spawn, and I don’t want that for my dear Bella.

Narrator: Bella sighs and looks at Edward’s boner

Bella: Does that thing ever go down?

Edward: Yep *Gets out a picture of Vanessa Hudgens. His boner deflates at supersonic speed* There you go

Narrator: Bella scratches her head

Bella: I need to pee

Narrator: Edward’s boner makes a dramatic entrance? What kind of line is that!

Edward *sighing*: I’ll come with you incase you drown the sink or something

Narrator: Bella and Edward walks to the women’s toilets

Carlisle: So Rosalie, Esme and Emmett, what do you wanna do later?

Emmett, Rosalie and Esme: Foursome

Carlisle: Sounds good

Emmett: All for one!