Stay With Me
What would have happened if Edward never came back...what would Bella's final moments be like? * VERY SAD * If you are ever looking for a tearjerker...you have found it! Very heart-felt! MUST READ! ONESHOT
1. Stay With Me
Rating 5/5 Word Count 3602 Review this Chapter
MUST READ: Listen to this while reading the story! It's where it came from...
Go to Youtube and search 'Edward Leaving Bella'...its the one by Stefani37...2nd choice...
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Parts of diologue used in story belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Stay With Me
I could hear my name being called and I knew I should probably answer. It most likely was one of the young nurses that worked here bringing my dinner for the night, before they wandered off to their life full of potential and happiness, while I remained here. Alone.
“Ms. Swan…it’s time for dinner…”
There was the soft sound of a tray being set down on a table and then the soft touch of a hand on my shoulder giving it a gentle shake before retreating.
“Ms. Swan…its 6…time to wake up…”
Finally realizing that the nurse wouldn’t leave until I opened my eyes, I decided to appease her and opened my eyes to glance first up at the stark white ceiling of my small room in the West Palm Beach Nursing Home, and then at the young brunette leaning over me with a bright smile on her lips.
“There we are Bella. Glad to see you join the land of the living.”
She said this with such a flare and grin, that I couldn’t help but wonder if she thought I was five years old, or somewhere other than a nursing home.
“Do you need any help sitting up?”
“No. No I am fine. I think I can manage.”
Giving a soft grunt, I slowly eased myself into an upward position and reached behind me to place my pillow in a comfortable spot.
As the nurse busied herself with pulling the side-bed table around and in front of me, I took the time to glance out the window. The one thing about Florida was that it was always sunny. Especially in the summer. The suns rays warmed the tropical atmosphere outside my small window that gave me a view of the pleasant landscape the nursing home offered to its inhabitants.
Hearing a clunk, I turned away from the brightness to see that a tray of food had been successfully placed in front of me.
‘Meatloaf and mashed potatoes…how original…,’ I thought as I took in what would be my meal for the evening.
“Are you all set here or did you need anything Ms. Swan,” the young eager nurse asked as she walked toward my window and opened it up slightly to let in some of the breeze from outside. After she accomplished this, she quickly tied the curtains off to the side to allow the full effect of the sunny day outside to be visible from my spot on the bed.
“I should be fine. Thank you.”
This seemed to make her happy because she gave me a small smile and breezed out of the room, once again leaving me in silence.
I didn’t make a move for a few moments, just simply sitting and thinking about nothing in particular. It was one of those moments that I knew would lead to memories. Memories that I tried to banish for the last 79 years of my life.
Picking up the fork that resting against the plate I slowly began to delve into my meatloaf and before long, I had finished and swung the table off to the side and out of my way. Taking a moment to decide on what I was going to do, my eyes strayed over to my small sitting area to see that someone had left a small package resting on the chair.
Curiosity got the better of me and I swung my legs to the side of the bed to stand and cross the room as fast as I was able to.
It was simply. Just a small brown wrapped package the size of a CD case.
Sitting down in one of the pale pink recliner chairs, I gingerly held the package just staring at it for a moment. There was no address or marking of any kind on the brown wrapping, so no outside clue to who sent it to me.
Before I could open it, the nurse returned and I set the package to the side on the small coffee table.
“All done are we. I’ll just get this out of your way then.”
She busied herself gathering the tray before turning once more to me with that smile still in place.
“There planning on having a game night in the reception room. I hear they plan to have a Gin Rummy tournament. If you’re interested. It starts in a few minutes, if you want me to help you down there?”
I shook my head negatively and told her I just wanted to have a quiet night alone in my room.
She nodded and left the room with the tray in hand.
I stared out the window, observing the people who decided to take a stroll outside for the evening.
‘Bella, we’re leaving.’
The voice came out of nowhere. I closed my eyes, trying to fight the memories from 79 years ago. On that fateful day when my life walked out on me.
I remembered standing in the forest across from him. His green eyes penetrating my brown eyes from a distance. It had been a moment in my life that continued to haunt my existence.
“When you say we…”
“I mean my family and myself…”
I shook my head as the memory continued to press forward, my eyes shut as tightly as possibly, hoping that the flashbacks would stop.
“Okay. I’ll come with you.”
Suddenly I was 17 again. Standing in the dark, surrounded by trees and plants, staring across the small distance that separated me from the man I loved. He looked exactly how I remembered him. Tall, pale…mysterious. His eyes boring into my own, discovering all my secrets and dazzling me to the point where I barely remembered to keep breathing.
If only I had known, at that moment, when I told him I would follow him, that it would be the last conversation I would ever have with him. That it would be the last time I would see him.
I would have fought harder.
“You can’t Bella. Where we’re going…It’s not the right place for you.”
“Why…” I let out as the memory continued, bludgeoning me. It continued to get stronger. I could almost feel the tearing in my heart as fresh as day. The confusion. The breeze. I cold feel it. It was so vivid.
“Where you are is the right place for me.”
“I’m no good for you Bella.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
I felt the tear again. I clutched my chest in shock.
‘Where was this coming from,’ I thought.
The light outside was getting dimmer and I realized that time had passed and it was now seven. The sun was still up, but it was slowly vanishing.
Glancing to my right, I saw the package once more and reached to grab it. Hoping that the distraction would cause the memories to stop.
I tore it open slowly and turned it upside down.
A clear CD case fell into my lap.
There was no writing on this either.
Grabbing the CD case, I opened it up, lifted the shiny silver CD out of its case, and stared for a moment.
“You’re the very best part of my life.”
Closing my eyes, I slid the CD back into its holding and set it to the side. I crossed the room and grabbed a photo album that was resting on a shelf. It contained all the photos that I had collected throughout my life. Which weren’t many.
There was the picture of my father, Charlie, and me on my graduation day. I barely recognized myself. I was such a shell at that stage in my life. So devoid of life it should have been a crime.
The next picture was of my graduation from the University of Forks. By this time, my father had died on duty. Some kids had decided it would be fun to rob a gas station with a gun they had found in one of their parents rooms. It had discharged. With the barrel pointed toward Charlie as he entered the store.
The next was of my mother, Renee, and I at my first apartment. I was covered in flour because my mom had tried to make me a surprise dinner and ended up tripping while carrying a bowl of flour across to the mixing bowl right as I was walking by. I got my clumsiness from someone. She was covered in flour as well, grinning as she forced me to stare at the camera and say the corny ‘cheese!’ line.
Then was the picture of Shawn, my husband of 60 years. I had met him when I was 27 at a convention for my job in Texas. We hit it off. It had been 10 years after the ‘incident.’ I had fallen into him and spilled my wine all over his shirt. I had decided by that stage in my life that I was going to be happy and move on.
I never really looked back after that. I was able to put it behind me and rekindle the flame in my heart for a man that loved me to death.
We had three kids. The next series of picture consisted of birthday parties, graduations, and weddings.
‘My angels…,’ I thought, touching the faces of the only things that mattered to me in this life anymore.
Heaving a sigh, I pressed onward, to picture of the families that they started and the family photos they had sent me over the years.
My husband had died 9 years ago from a heart attack. I hadn’t really been the same since then. I became that shell once more and my kids got worried and sent me to this nursing home in ‘sunny Florida!’
Too bad I never seemed to catch the enthusiasm they had. I viewed it as my story coming to an end.
I had never told anyone about that one year in my life that seemed torn from a fairytale book. I never mentioned that vampire that had stolen my heart or the family that had accepted me as part of the family. I figured that if I told anyone else, that it would become real.
I forced myself to view it all as a dream when I had met Shawn, and I felt I had succeeded. My family was my reality. I wouldn’t let a fairytale ruin what I had.
“My world is not for you.”
“What happened with Jasper – that was nothing Edward! Nothing!”
“You’re right…it was exactly what was to be expected.”
It was dark outside now. Like it was dark inside my mind and my heart. It was suffocating. I hadn’t had a thought about them, him…in years. What had I done differently that suddenly brought this on.
My head shot toward the CD case resting on the table no more than an arms reach away from me. The innocent plastic device that seemed to be mocking me.
“You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay.”
“As long as that was best for you.”
A chuckle that sounded more like a sob escaped my throat against my will. It would have to be this memory that tormented me in my final years. It couldn’t be the meadow, or the time I first laid eyes on the family and man that would change my life forever. No.
“No! This is about my soul isn’t it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don’t care, Edward! I don’t care! You can have my soul. I don’t want it without you….its yours already.”
“It was always yours…” I mumbled, caught up in the memory. It all felt so real. I would swear that I was there. Standing as a 17 year old again. But I knew that wasn’t the case. It would never be the case again. No matter how much I wished for it.
“Bella, I don’t want you to come with me.”
If only he had left it there. With some hope in my heart that he still loved me, that he still cared somewhat. But he couldn’t leave it there. He had to severe all ties to me. He had to take what memories I had and shred each and every one of them. Like he did my heart.
I pushed myself up, replaced the photo album in its proper place, and walked to stand in front of the window to stare outside into the darkness. The window was still open and I closed my eyes to relish the soft breeze on my aged skin. I remembered a time when I would leave my window open, no matter the weather, hoping a certain someone would grace me with his presence in the darkness of my teenage bedroom. Where I believe in magic and fairytales.
The memory continued onward, like a bulldozer it couldn’t be stopped. It continued to tear away at me, deconstructing every wall I had built until I was laid open bare to its ferocity.
Before the memory could overtake me, I stared out into the darkness, focusing on the tree I had memorized and could draw in my sleep if I so wished.
“Well that changes things.”
The words tumbled from my lips with a conviction that surprised me. I felt the numbness that I hadn’t felt since I met Shawn, and it enveloped me whole. It crept slowly into every crevice of my body, wrapping around and not letting go.
“Of course. I’ll always love you…in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it’s time for a change. Because I’m…”
I closed my eyes for the next part.
“I’m tired of pretending to be something I’m not, Bella. I am not human. I’ve let this go on too long…and I’m sorry for that.”
“Don’t,” it escaped my lips. I was filling in the pieces.
I was playing my part.
I had prepared myself for it my whole life. And it was time to finally finish my performance.
I realized that now.
It was all part of my show.
The show of my life.
The beginning to the end.
“Don’t do this,” I continued. I could feel his eyes pierce me. The coldness from his body once again seeped into my skin and dug itself deep into my bones.
“You’re not good for me Bella.”
I would swear to anyone that he was in the room with me. His voice was that clear, that pristine. I would swear to my parents that his breath was caressing my ear and that he whispered the words to me.
I could almost smell his sweet breath.
A scent that I had forgotten until this moment.
“If that’s what you want,” I breathed, the words leaving my mouth in a rush of air.
His breath breezed past my cheek as he whispered, “I would like to ask you one favor, though, if that’s not too much.”
I felt a pressing on my elbow and glanced down in detachment to see nothing. I thought I had felt a hand on my arm, pressing into it firmly.
“Don’t do anything stupid or reckless.”
There was that feeling again. Except this time it felt like someone was embracing me from behind. But this time, I refused to turn and my eyes burned holes into the tree outside that was just a dark shape in the night. I wouldn’t allow myself to feel at the moment.
I just had to make it through this.
“Do you understand what I’m saying.”
I whipped around as I felt water building in my eyes. It was all too real. It was too fresh.
I struck my hand out, knocked a vase off a small end table, and watched as the glass shattered and pieces flung themselves throughout the room. Water splattered and began to sink into the carpet. The white roses my daughter, Ivy, had sent me for my birthday last week, lay neglected, surrounded by water and glass.
My frame shook as I made my way away from the window to the table that held the CD. I grabbed it firmly before the memory continued.
“I’m thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself – for him.”
“I will,” I said, as I crossed the room to the small CD Player resting next to the small TV in my room.
“And I’ll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be that last time you’ll see me. I won’t come back. I won’t put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any interference with me...”
As I reached the player and just stood there, the CD case held firmly in my shaky hand, I let out a muffled sob as I felt arms embrace me once more. Cold arms. I tilted my head back, fighting the years that were dangerously close to falling.
“It will be as if I never existed.”
A few tears managed to escape as the arms that surrounded me slowly vanished, a hand trailing on my arm until the feeling was completely gone.
“Don’t worry. You’re human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind.”
I reached out and lifted the top of the CD player to remove the CD that had been playing earlier. My personal hell. Claire De Lune. It was the last thing my husband had given me. I think on some level he had known.
He always complained that there was a blank spot in my past and he couldn’t understand why I couldn’t tell him.
Because it would kill me to.
But he had managed to catch me one day. I had been randomly looking through songs on a play list he had created for when he worked at home and it was all basically classical and instrumental pieces. Accidentally I had clicked on a play list as he was walking in without looking at the title list. And out came Debussy. I had frozen and Shawn had noticed. I didn’t think he had thought anything of it. But he had.
I set the CD to the side and looked down to open the case in my hands.
I didn’t realize my hands were shaking as I separated the pieces of plastic to reveal the treasure within.
“What about your memories.”
The words left my lips unwillingly.
I heard the response breeze passed my ear once more as I placed the CD into the player.
“Well, I won’t forget. But my kind…we’re very easily distracted.”
I slammed the lid.
“That’s everything I suppose. We won’t bother you again.”
I turned from the player to glance around me. The shattered vase on the ground next to me. The photo album. The small mementos and knick-knacks my kids had sent me throughout the years. My husbands award plaque. The torn brown wrapping that had been discarded into the faded pink chair next to me. The clock next to my bed that flashed 5:17am at me.
My watery eyes opened in surprise. It was practically morning. I hadn’t realized that much time had passed since I started my unwilling trip down memory lane.
Turning away, I continued what I knew I needed to finish.
“Alice isn’t coming back.”
“No. They’re all gone. I stayed behind to tell you good-bye.”
“Alice is gone?” I echoed…memories of other times suddenly crashing into me as I shuffled toward my bed.
The answer seemed to be carried on the breeze. The phantom arms and presence no longer surrounding me in cold embrace.
“She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you.”
Before I climbed into my bed, I turned around and headed back toward the window the nurse had propped open on her visit. I reached out and froze, my hand on the handle. It felt like my breath had left me for a moment. But I shrugged it off and pulled, making sure I had securely closed the window.
Satisfy, I turned around and headed to my bed.
I slipped off my slippers and sat down, staring around me once more before swinging my feet up and grabbing the controller on my nightstand. I made sure I was tucked in before pressing ‘power’ and then ‘play’ on the remote.
As the first few notes played softly from the CD player. I felt the tears, emptiness, and numbness that I had held inside for so long burst open.
There was a body lying next to me. A cold one. Molded to my aged and withered body. It felt right. An arm slipped around my waist and pulled me close. The arm seemed to be trying to pull my body into its own. To meld us into one.
My final performance had come to an end. All that was left was the final dialogue. The last words to end the performance of my life. I could feel the darkness swallowing me up.
But it didn’t matter now.
For at this moment, I was loved.
I was in the arms of the man I loved.
The man who had come back, even though he said he wouldn’t.
So I closed my eyes for the final time. Knowing my time had come and this chapter of my life was coming to a close.
Who knew what awaited me once I finally completely this stage of my life that had become my very own epilogue.
I finally was able to let go and move on. My heart swelled one last time as I finally moved on.
I whispered what had been missing in that last conversation.
The one thing that would put it behind me.
The one phrase that would set me free.
And as I said it, listening to the soft notes of my lullaby in the background. The lullaby that I hadn’t heard since I was 17, the one written for me, I knew I would be happy.
That I would die happy.
My last feeling…
Cold, granite lips pressed against my forehead in a goodbye kiss.
My last sight…
The light from the rising sun, twilight.
My last words...