I threw myself on the ground in front of his grave stone and started sobbing dry tears.
“I’m sorry Edward, so, so, sorry! This is all my fault!” I cried, “If I had stayed away from Forks and from you then you’d still be here, laughing with your family! I deserve to die to!” A plan started to formulate in my mind on how I could go to the Volturi and beg them to kill me, just like he had; only this time there would be no one to stop me. Alice wouldn’t see my decision because she no longer had visions. I could slip away and die before they even realized it.
I heard heavy footsteps approaching, and knew that Alice had most likely gotten worried and sent Emmett to get me.
I got up quickly, not wanting to deal with his sympathetic and pitying looks, and shot into the forest in the opposite direction.
After I ran a few miles I stopped and hearing no footsteps behind me, settled down against a tree to think.
When a few hours had passed and I was calm enough, I returned home. I skipped quickly through the house to my room, avoiding everyone. I couldn’t deal with them now.
I sat in my room, staring out the big glass window out at the starry sky. Eventually the stars disappeared and the clouds began to overtake the sky, while a dim light came. The sun was hidden behind the clouds, and I knew I would have to go to school today.
Alice came a few minutes later and told me to get dressed, she no longer tried to dress me, she realized I was perfectly capable of picking something respectable out of my closet filled with clothes she had gotten me.
Once I was dressed in an Alice-approved outfit I went downstairs and sat on the couch waiting for everyone else to be ready.
It would be awhile, I knew, because Alice and Rosalie would change their outfits one hundred and seventy three times, and I’m not exaggerating, before finding a outfit that would be ‘absolutely fabulous’ and that would make ‘every single girl want to be them so badly, that after school they would go home and search the internet for hours looking for perfectly matching outfits and a few days later will wear those same outfits to school.’ Of course they were right, a few days later a few girls would show up looking almost exactly like Alice and Rosalie, although none of them ever matched completely. While Alice and Rosalie’s clothes were designer, usually by someone in Paris or someone like Marciano who was dead by now, the wannabe’s would arrive in clothing from Wal-Mart, and sometimes even something they had made themselves.
Then Rosalie and Alice would spend half an hour on the makeup they didn’t need, and doing their hair which didn’t need to be touched to look perfect.
After they were done with that, they would come and join me on the couch to wait for the boys, who took even longer even though they put on the first things that their hands touched when Alice would yell at them to “Put down their stupid video games and hurry their little whipped butts up and get ready because no matter how fast we drove to school or ran to our classrooms, we were going to be late, so maybe we should just stay home.” This always received a cheer from them, which would stop abruptly when Alice and Rosalie entered the room, fuming, anger written plainly across their faces, as they decided how to deal with the men they supposedly loved, even if they were idiots who didn’t know how to behave normally even if they were
I glanced at the clock, noting that we were ahead of time today, because it was only 7:20 and Alice and Rosalie were already screaming at Emmett and Jasper. I rolled my eyes as Rosalie yelled something particularly degrading at Emmett.
A few minutes Alice and Rosalie came down the stairs with a sullen looking Jasper and Emmett following them.
I couldn’t stop the small giggle, not exactly like I used to laugh, it sounded more strangled now, Emmett and Jasper glared at me.
“It’s not what you think.” I broke off giggling again, although it sounded like I was choking.
“Bella, what’s wrong?” Rosalie asked concerned.
“I think she’s finally lost it.” Alice said. That stopped my choking immediately.
“I haven’t lost it just yet, so don’t hold your breath, although it’s not like that would harm you in any way,” I smiled, although it looked like a grimace, and then explained my reason for laughing. “I think Emmett should change, unless he wants his manliness question.”
“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” he asked looking down, his head shot back up and his eyes widened. “Yea, maybe I should.”
Everyone started laughing when they finally noticed what Emmett was wearing.
The shirt he had on was pink with a bunny on it that was much to tight and showed off his stomach, I’m pretty sure it was Rosalie’s, and a pair of Rosalie’s leggings.
“Geez Emmett, I knew you were proud of your body, but I never thought you would show it off like this!” Alice was rolling on the floor laughing.
Emmett growled quickly and then turned and dashed up the stairs. A second later he was standing in front of us, dressed in clothes that he probably dubbed extra manly.
“Can we please go now?” I asked, annoyed now as Rosalie started arguing with him over how he would repay her for ruining her favorite shirt and leggings.
“Yes, we’re going to be late if we don’t leave now.” Alice said, glancing at the clock.
We filed outside to the car and climbed in.
When we finally pulled up to school, we were late, just like Alice had said we would be, of course that was just a guess on her part, because she no longer had visions.
As I joined my siblings and Mike and Jessica for lunch, I sighed and my eyes swept slowly over the cafeteria.
There were the jocks, the cheerleaders, the normal people, the nerds and geeks, and- I froze.