Text Size Large SizeMedium SizeSmall Size    Color Scheme Black SchemeWhite SchemeGrey SchemePaper Scheme        

Emmett and the Giant Bug Zapper

Emmett can be rather reckless at times. You'd think that signs saying "DO NOT TOUCH" would deter him. Just a funny little fic I came up with with some friends. Would someone like to make a banner for this one? XD

I honestly do not believe that Emmett is that stupid... but this story was too funny to NOT write!

1. Chapter 1

Rating 5/5   Word Count 476   Review this Chapter


I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Surely Emmett wasn’t as stupid as this… yet he was.

The mosquitoes had been wreaking havoc around the house, which created problems for the humans and werewolves that frequently visited the place. Vampires and Nessie… not so much, thankfully. So, Carlisle had done some Internet shopping and bought… a giant bug zapper.

Apparently this was one of those ultra powerful ones that had all those warning signs that said DO NOT TOUCH!

I repeat, Emmett… DO NOT TOUCH!

They really are very childish. You see, Jasper and Jacob had a bet about whether or not this thing could affect vampires. Of course, Emmett was a prime candidate for the guinea pig. The thing mesmerized him. He’d sit there staring at the thing with this idiotic grin on his face. Everyone knew that it was only a matter of time before he touched it. And suddenly we were all curious: could it really affect a vampire? We knew Kate’s current could. Fire could. If it was too powerful for humans, what would it do to vampires?

The fateful day came. Emmett stood in front of the giant bug zapper, moving closer… closer… closer… Esme’s mother hen instincts took over.

“Emmett! Get away from there!”

His idiotic grin got bigger. “I can’t help it. It’s so beautiful.”

Rosalie’s mouth dropped. “What?! More beautiful than me?”

“Uh-huh,” Emmett answered in a dreamy voice.

It’s true. Vampires are quite easily distracted.

Rosalie’s mouth snapped closed. She scowled and stalked off in anger. The thin heels on her stilettos snapped off. Wow.

Emmett reached out with one finger…

“NO EMMETT!!!!” we cried. I had a really bad feeling about this. Apparently everyone else did, too.


There was a bright flash of blue light, all the more blinding to sensitive vampire eyes. We could vaguely make out Emmett’s skeleton. Then the light dimmed out and Emmett was on the floor, smoking.

“That was fun,” sighed Emmett, grinning.

“You’re insane,” said Edward. “Truly insane.”

“YEAH!” Jacob pumped a fist in the air, and then turned to Jasper, holding out his hand with his palm up. “Pay up, bloodsucker.”

Jasper hissed and handed over the twenty dollar bill.

The next day, Carlisle unplugged the bug zapper and destroyed it. He then invested in a much smaller bug zapper, one that wasn’t nearly as powerful.

One night, we were having a little picnic out back with Charlie, Sue, Billy, and some of the werewolves. I was sitting near the bug zapper. It set me apart from the group, but it wasn’t like I couldn’t hear them.

“Hey, Bells!” Charlie shouted over to me. “Why are you sitting way over there?”

“To keep Emmett away from the bug zapper. He has a very unhealthy fascination for them,” I shouted back.

As much as I loved my big brother, he could be rather stupid sometimes. I hope he learned his lesson….

Uh-oh… where was Emmett? He better not be


“EMMETT!!!!!!!!!” I screeched.