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The Confessions of a Schizophrenic Cannibal to the Cruel World

Jacob has inspired Edward to confess every lie he has told to his family. Sequel to The Confessions of an Adolescence Werewolf to a Teenage Hybrid... ThingDisclaimer: The sad truth, though we hate to admit it but must so we don't risk being sued, is that we're just two obssessive fangirls who, although we wish we did, do NOT own anything from the Twilight saga. But if you'd like to believe we do, who are we to stop you? If you have already read chapter two, you might want to go back and read it again because some stuff has been added to it.

Because it was requested by some of the reviewers of The Confessions of an Adolescence Werewolf to a Teenage Hybrid... Thing, and because we just felt like it, we have written this sequel. Hope you enjoy. Now twilightfan_94 will attempt to kill afterxdreaming.

1. It's Bad to Lie

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 839   Review this Chapter

It was an amazing thing, something that should go into the book of world records! For the first time ever a vampire contained a bit of color on its face without using a make-up product. Who was this vampire? Everyone’s favorite cannibal, Edward Cullen. He turned the slightest shade of pink after reading the letter that his eventually-to-be son-in-law wrote to his 9-year-old daughter.

He hadn’t actually castrated Jacob with that spoon when he had threatened to, but he sure was going to now. How dare Jacob write such things to his daughter? Yes it was all true, but still, Nessie didn’t need to know what had happened in the twisted love triangle they had both been involved in before she was born. And how dare he mention the size of Angelina Jolie’s breasts to his future wife. Didn’t he ever read the book “Things Not To Talk About With Your Girlfriend”? Or was that just Edward, who hadn’t wanted to mess up his and Bella’s relationship when it was just getting started and had been the only relationship he had been in for decades… or ever, and had read that to make sure he never did mess it up(really, no one is that perfect at being a boyfriend. It entails the word ’boy’ for heaven’s sake!)? It clearly stated not to mention anything about any other girl that a single guy would say.

Edward was just about to head off to find a spoon when he thought a horrible thought. The letter was open, so that means Nessie must have already read it. But, if she had already read it, then why was she thinking of America’s Next Top Model, which Alice had unfortunately gotten her interested in? Shouldn’t she be going into shock? Unlike Bella, Nessie had pretty rational responses to things.

Edward headed down to the kitchen, but not to find a spoon. Instead, he wanted to confront his daughter about the letter.

“Nessie, sweetheart?”

“Yes Dad? You’re home already?”

“I forgot my keys.”

“Oh, well they’re on my desk.”

“Yes, I found them. And while I was up there, I also found this letter.”

“You were looking around in my stuff?! Isn’t it bad enough that you hear every thought that goes through my head? Must you also read my mail?”

“It called out to me in a manly voice.”


“Never mind. I was just wondering if you had read it.”

“I started to…” Oh no! Edward’s fear was true! “…but then the cookies started to burn, so I had to come get them.”

“How far along did you read to?” Edward asked his daughter, hope rising in him.

“Just the first paragraph. Apparently you and Mom are keeping something from me, it seems. It’s so nice Jakey was going to be truthful with me. I wish everyone would be more truthful. Especially you, Dad. It’s so unfair that you know everyone else’s secrets, but lie to us.”

This took Edward off guard. She knew he wasn’t truthful? When did that happen? “What makes you think I lie?”

“Come on, Dad. Everyone lies. But it’s such a bad habit. Why can’t we just be truthful with each other, like Jakey wants to be. By the way, can I have my letter now?”

“No you cannot.”

“Why not? It’s mine. You can’t keep it from me!” But it was too late. Edward had already put it into the fire. “Dad! That’s so unfair! That looked like a really long letter. Jakey must have taken a long time to write it, and it was all for nothing….”

Renesmee continued on with her whining, but Edward wasn’t listening anymore. Instead, he was thinking about what she had said, about people needing to be truthful. Now that Edward thought about it, it did seem like a good habit to have. Edward knew that he had lied a lot in his past, and he was starting to feel oddly guilty about it. He decided right then and there that from now on he would try to be truthful to everyone, or, everyone in his family, anyways. He didn’t need to go so far as to be completely truthful with humans. That would not go so well….

“Why are you so cold and pale, Edward?”

“I’m a vampire.”

No, that wouldn’t go well at all. But he suddenly wished he would’ve been truthful to his family a long time ago. What could he do to make that happen? It was too bad he didn’t have the power to rewind time. Lord knows that would’ve come in handy a lot in his life. Then he thought of something he could do. He could write letters to all of his family members, telling them everything he could remember that he had lied about to them in the past, except now telling them the truth. Yes, that’s what he would do.

But thinking of letters reminded him of the letter Jacob wrote to Renesmee. He was still very angry at Jacob for writing that letter with all of those details. Edward would start writing his letters after he found that spoon.